The Washing Machine Looks Good to Me
I reallly don't know how to describe how i feel right now. Overwhelmed? Stressed? Sick? Dead? Dying? I really don't know, but what i do know is that this is really starting to hurt me. I got my ass kicked last night. And i'm still nursing the bruses i recieved on my bum. All in a metaphorical sense. The steps that i have to take inorder to make myself into a better person...and to actually find myself...are hard steps and big ones. I'm not quite sure if i am ready. My body is telling me otherwise, but at the same time...i don't know if i want to take those steps. Its something i need to do. I really am not quite sure...those bruses really hurt, but so does my aching side, my emotions, my thought process, and the weird feeling i feel inside when i sit down. I am in physical, emotional, and mental pain right now. And I don't know what to do with it.
On a more happy note: Tech won against SE Louisiana 62-0. Very beautiful. Next week is Texas A&M. We'll see how well that goes. The Goin' Band is traveling there. I'm not looking forward to that. I don't have time to be going on these band trips...i just don't have the time for it right now! Way too much work. Sleep?! What is that?! God, i feel like shit. I really feel bad...and honestly, its a "bad" that i've never felt before.
So right now i'm sitting in the SUB, and i am surrounded by guys. Some come and sat down near me, one was already here...but its surprising how close in proximity we are and NOBODY TALKS TO EACHOTHER. Now, i know this is an area to study, but an occasional "hi" would be nice. (as i was writing that last sentence another guy came and sat down, filling up the cubby inwhich i am sitting in with males and me...the one piece of estrogen here...though one is getting ready to leave...do i smell of estrogen or something?!) Maybe i do need to meet new people?! I don't know...something needs to change thats for sure. But honestly, i don't want to be around people...i just want to watch TV and write or draw. BLEH...that is all this entry really is...bleh.
everything is bleh right now....but i thought my readers deserved an update. I respect all of you way too much.
One last thing...that 4000th person is comming up quickly...who will it be? As a reminder...that person will get a special post for them. And if i accedentally check my blog and its me...I will post something, and the first person to post a responce in my comments page will get the special post.
*huggles*
-Reijn
PS: the picture is of me and tyler from the SEL game
posted by Reijn of the Elfin Muse | 11:26 AM
2 Comments:
Believe it or not, there is life after band trips. It may not seem like it now, but it's true.
I can relate to what you are feeling, and I've had a few more years to practice self-analysis. I need time alone. I work. I act as husband and father. I work in my church. I do what has to be done (better to see it done than have it loom larger over my head). But there are times when, like you describe, I feel world-weary and sick of people. That's when I know I need personal time.
I handle life pretty well, and don't really feel stress about most things, but a personal retreat refreshes me. I can choose to pay the price of taking that personal time (lost sleep, whatever) or I can pay the cumulative price of not taking that time. I spend a night looking at the stars, conversing with my God. I go to a movie by myself. I catch a game and some grub, alone. Something. When I take this time periodically, I treat my wife better, my daughter better, my friends better. Life looks better. I again see the joy in being here; why I am here.
Some people feel this need more than others, but we all need this time in private retreat. To not be influenced by outside sources, to begin to see how they have been changing you, is a very good thing.
Power to us. Just.. power. Of any sort, from any source.
Let me know when you'll be in town : ) I'll be here, I don't have plans to go anywhere. Well, maybe the football game. : D It would be the first of my college career! Oh my! : /
It'll be good to see you. I think I'm drowning here. We can drown together when you visit. : ) It's always nice to have company when you're dying. X /
All sarcasm aside, hang in there. Regardless I think you're awesome. If that helps at all, you being there and me not. So it's not a verbal thing, but it IS an unquestionable thing.
That's probably not helping, hm? Read CONSOLATION OF PHILOSOPHY by Boethius. It's confusing as Hell, but the context is fitting. Here's a man wrongfully locked away in a jail cell-- he's soon to be bludgeoned to death-- yes, that's a true story-- and he writes this 200 page dialogue between "him" and "philosophy", reconciling himself to bad fortunes. it's interesting.
um... all i can say, is at least we're not locked in rat-infested cells waiting to be bludgeoned to death. at least. : /
no, i'm not helpful. yes, i should be writing another essay. fine, i'm ending this comment.
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