Churches and Time

I have been reading several people's blogs lately and i've noticed a trend in everybody's blog: the sour taste of the mini buracracy of the Christian church. Now, this is something i've been struggling with for several years now. But when i read Five Cent Stand, Third Day, and Shuan Grove's blogs it just struck a note once again. I realize that all i want to do in church is play my music for the glory of God. It is my way of worshiping...not singing...but playing. I've been playing my flute in a church band for five years or so now and the longer i do this the more and more i relize that band outside of church is less satisfying. Eventhough i feel like my true gift is my art, my music is my way to give back a talent that God has given me. I posted something in Five Cent Stand's blog saying something along the lines of: it frustrates me when i sit in the church orchestra pit and we get hung up on a soundsytem. I wonder if that is what God wants or intended, that we all worry about how we are going to sound instead of if the music comming from our hearts is satsifactory enough for God. We all get wrapped up in the idea of, "is church good enough for you and me". When rather we should be wrapped up in the unspeakable peace that washes over us when we worship. Along those same lines it just reminds me of when i joined WTBC. I asked the senior youth sunday school instructors if we could study things more in depth. Thier responce? The mass majority of the students there didn't want thought provoking studies nor did they want to study a book in the Bible (they would rather learn about the same stories that we have learned since we were toddlers). They were going to cater to the masses rather than the individual. My responce to that was, this is not a church. The church is supposed to be excited if a person wants to learn more, and help them rather than shoot them down. I then stole away to the band and i've been happy there. Either way, the point that i'm making here is that we all get wrapped up in the petty complex things when church is simple, though we loose sight of it. It also reminds me why i don't go to church in lubbock. I saw an interview with a youth pastor stating that Christianity is one of the most intolerable religions. When i saw that i was appauled. People in the church make christianity intolerable, Christianity itself is not intolerable. I read a book called Velvit Elvis and it addressed that point saying, that Christianity actually accepts all people from every background no matter how bad or good it may be. Christianity unconditionally forgives, and even the fundemental foundation of Christianity, grace, is incredibly tolerable. That is the attitude that i've seen in lubbock: it is our way or no other way. And unfortunately i believe that God never intended for us to be so hardnosed about religion, at least not in this manner.

Stepping off of my soap box now...i'm going to stay in lubbock this summer and go to summer school and work for Milt. All of this instead of working for Southwestern. Joe is going to be upset, and i really do like him alot but i need to do this inorder to graduate in 5 years or so. I'm going to move in to an appartment over the summer, which i'm excited about. I think this summer is going to be fun, hard work but fun. *nods* Though i'm going to miss playing in the church band and hanging out with my friends. I'll miss alot of things...but i'll be back in h-town for my brother's birthday, at least that is what i anticipate.

Yes, i've been busy lately...lots and lots of art projects and english papers. I have two, on-the-side projects that i need to start working on. Rachel is comming into town tomorrow. We are going to have fun. She'll be a freshman next year. Either who, i've been a busy girl. *nods and huggles*

miss you all!

-Reijn