My First

You always will remember your "firsts". Your first car, first dog, first day of school, first kiss, first crush, first dissapointment, first heartbreak, first love...firsts. There are rarely any seconds. These firsts impact us so much that we cannot help but be changed. Today was my first day of classes. I'm starting my junior year of college. Three years. That's a long time already...and i have another two ahead of me.

Is it possible to stand idly behind and allow things to happen. With my personality its quite difficult. I say this for afew reasons. First off, i went to my japanese class today and was scared out of my wits. I switched to a different instructor right off the back. I hope i made the right decision. Second, i am watching a good friend of mine burry himself with a revisit of a bad relationship. I personally think its the worst mistake he could make right now, but he's making it. When he dropped me off on Sunday, he had the hardest time leaving, knowing that the next day would bring his ex back into town. I haven't seen that behavior before, especially from a supposedly mature man. Thirdly, I have noticed, since joining the brass section, I have gained more numbers than when i was in the woodwind section. There are a good two or three guys that have a crush on me, and i really don't like it. Before it is all said and done, i'm going to have to tell these guys that i'm not interested in them. I hate doing that. I really do. Then at the same time, i'm sick of loosing amazing guys and having to slap the loosers on the face to leave me alone. I had such a wonderful time with james, but it just reminds me that seasons come and go, but there is a complete year ahead of me. I just hope that one of these days, and someday somewhat soon, i fall in love again...truly fall in love again, and that will be the end to all of my searching and heartache.

-Reijn