A good Cry

I noticed a funny thing today while i was sitting outside drinking my daily cup of Carmel Mocciatto...the top cover of a Starbucks "take-out" cup has the words "sweetheart" emelished upon the plastic...right at eye level when you drink. Oh how i just wanted to smash my cup right then and there. I have quickly learned to lothe the existance of anything and everything. You know how i was pretty depressed awhile back? Well, this time its more than just depression. This time it is bitterness, hurt, anger, depression, and stress. I took a beer last night while i stayed up almost all night working on a midterm paper. I lost it...just completely loose it. It was a good cry though. Sometimes you just need one of those. A good long cry. It felt good....it just felt good. I am learning how to live all over again. In a way i hate it but at the same time i feel liberated. It is amazing what the feeling of liberation does to a person...fear, hurt, pain, confusion, happiness...its all there in a mixed jumble. I'm just trying to sort it all out. (oh god, i just looked at my hair, my split ends are horrible...i need to get a trim).

Well, i finished (sorta) my poems for my creative writing class...i'll be posting some of them here for my wonderful readers to enjoy. But in the meantime...i discovered the soundtrack to Wicked...the broadway show...and there is a song that hit me hard. Its quite appropriate:

I'm Not That Girl from Wicked
(sang by Elphalba)

Hands touch, eyes meet
Sudden silence, sudden heat
Hearts leap in a giddy whirl
He could be that boy
But I'm not that girl.

Don't dream too far
Don't lose sight of who you are
Don't remember that rush of joy
He could be that boy
I'm not that girl

Ev'ry so often we long to steal
To the land of what-might-have-been
But that doesn't soften the ache we feel
When reality sets back in

Blithe smile, lithe limb
She who's winsome, she wins him
Gold hair with gentle curl
That's the girl he chose
And heaven knows
I'm not that girl...

Don't wish, don't start
Wishing only wounds the heart
I wasn't born for the rose and pearl
There's a girl I know
He loves her so
I'm not that girl...


have a good day for me!

-Reijn