Out of Focus
i've realized that this moving on process hurts more than i remember. I really don't want to do it, and i tend to latch myself onto a memory or a hope inorder to get past the pain and the thought of loneliness. I don't understand why i'm feeling like this. I used to be able to move on from relationships and live my life, but this time is different. It has all been different since my relationship with Joey. He taught me how to Love and what it actually felt like...to feel the pure blindness of it all, and how to enjoy it. Now it seems like every relationship encounter after Joey tends to be in search for that same feeling, for better or usually for worse, at least recently. Its just growing pains i realize, but do you remember when you used to wake up at night and your legs ached and all you wanted to do was go back to sleep? All i want to do is go back to sleep or wake up and be comnpletely awake, not drousy and in pain. *sighs* I guess this is life? With this on top of tests and school work...and such...man. I'm tired and stressed out.
I honestly can't forget, and a part of me doesn't want to, but the other part beggs for it. I can't shake the feeling or the memories. I don't know if its good. I don't know alot of things right now. And right now, it is so hard focusing on my homework.
-Reijn
posted by Reijn of the Elfin Muse | 2:58 PM
3 Comments:
I'm flattered I had such a profound effect. I wanted you to feel what legitimate love felt like, not some trashy sexual addiction with the label love slapped on it.
I gave you my heart entirely, but you're a danger to a guy like me. Sure, even if he "taugh you" (which I say loosely knowing what I know) how to feel love it doesn't change the fact he taught you alot of your worse habbits, and instilled some of your worse traits.
It's up to you now. You do whatever you feel you need to do with your life. If that means never feeling love again and generally reverting to the way you were before you met me, by all means do it. All I can say is a lifestyle of sexual indulgence has its downfalls, someday it will all catch up with you. And when it does, if you so choose to live like that, I won't be there to pick up the pieces.
i disagree with the above person... lessons are ment to be learned and never unlearned, you can never have too much knowledge or experience.... the only real ignorance and failure in the world is inexperience. turning your back on love and hiding in a shell because it may hurt you again will never be the answer. i want the real you back, the allison that had passion and life, that radiated vibrancy and color. the girl who had the aura of confidence and scrambled my mind with her mystery and intellect. the girl who reminded me that there ARE actually females out there capable of fighting a good battle of dueling wits (even if she DID fight dirty half the time) not the beaten, half-starved-for-honest-affection-looking-through-the-window-longing-just-to-be-held-pleading-for-someone-to-notice-her-but-too-proud-to-admit-it girl i have seen lately. i am your friend, and you will forever have my loyalty for being one to me.. i will do whatever i can to get that old allison to peak out from under the bed again, even if it takes me another 2 years of knowing you.
brandon
To the above person. You must be dillusional if you think you're talking about the same girl anymore. She obviously puts on a different mask for you. You don't even know the half of the Allison I know. Maybe you will though. If you think you can handle the REAL Allison, if you think you're ready for that. By all means, help her if you can.
You have no idea what she has dragged me through for a solid year, don't even try to pretend you do.
I'm fucking done.
Post a Comment
<< Home