Millennium Thoughts

i'm sorry i haven't been updating. I've been so busy with school and my personal life. Needless to say, Derek and I almost broke up because of some issues that i caused. It really sucked but we are slowly putting things back together.

I have actually done nothing today. It has been nice. So i've been able to do alot of thinking. I never realized the wierd things that we remember as children. They may be small and insignificant but they stick out in our minds, therefore they were impactful to our lives. I remember when i was about 5 or so, strooning my toys out around the living room. It was late and my dad came in wanting me to clean them up. I didn't want to, so i argued. Needless to say that there was alot of arguing. He said that he would throw away all my toys if i didn't clean them up. I said no, and he threw away my favorite stuffed animal bunny. I had to fish her out of the trash can inorder to get her back. That is my earlies memory of me arguing with my parents and them threatening me with something. Another memory i have is when i went into the Target bathroom. This was when Target was still on Highway 6 by Luby's, not where it is now, further down Highway 6 and the sugar factory. I went into the bathroom and my mom came after me inorder to make sure i was alright. She said my name and i responded. But there was a little girl in a stall who started singing, "Alice-in-wonderland, Alice-in-wonderland". Needless to say, it really bothered me. I ignored her and walked off, but it has still bothered me unto this day. Wierd i know, but sometimes the smallest things stay in our subconsious and we never realize it. Sometimes i wonder what i have said or done that may effect people and thier minds. Its the wierdest thing, but it bothers me. I like effecting people but in a good way, and i wonder if i'm doing more damage than good.

I've been thinking alot about my life lately. I really miss innocense. You can't gain it back after it is gone, and i feel like mine was taken from me, by someone who had every clue about what he was doing. It hurts and saddens me because i can never go back to that young girl in Sugar Land. Sometimes i wonder if innoecense is something choosen, whether tainted or not. I think i've been watching too much MillenniuM. If you haven't seen it, its a good show. Three seasons are on DVD. You should check them out. Joey got me hooked...now you should too.

Just some food for thought.

-Reijn