The Red Balloon

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2010-12-31T10:02:00.000-06:00

Reijn's Hits

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2009-08-27T16:33:00.003-05:00

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Texas Tech: the Come-back Kid (who everybody ignores)

2008-10-27T10:54:00.003-05:00

Note: the following post is logically biased and proud of it

THE TEXAS TECH DEATH SYNDROME
It is my honest opinion that Texas Tech fans die young. Probably from alcoholism from living in Lubbock, car wrecks since and I quote “never drive beside a Lubbock driver, drive behind them or preferably in front of them, but never beside them.” (from a funny band director), getting beat up at walmart because all you wanted was a mixer for your hour-long-trip-vodka but you have to wait in line for another two hours…and you are angry, OR a simple heart attack from the Texas Tech football team. (or hernia, whichever comes first). Tech tends to win “important” games at the last minute. And by the “last minute” I truly mean THE LAST minute of the entire game. At the ripe old age of 22, I believe that I will die young, due to a heart attach brought on by the Texas Tech football team.

NATURE OF LIVING IN THE RED AND BLACK ZONE
Driving around Lubbock on a game day, all you see is red and black, Double T flags flying, and the smell of BBQ in the air. Its some serious party time. But Tech fans take this down time as the quiet before the storm. Mike Leach’s Air-Raid is about to begin. An Aggie fan once told me that he was expecting everybody to be rude and mean to him, but once he came up here he realized how nice everybody was, they even allowed him to tailgate with them. It was a shocker to him. I then replied, enjoy it while it lasts because during the game, everything changes. It becomes personal during game time. The pride that you see in the student’s eyes when that Double T flies across the field and the Masked Rider races past the Goin’ Band is seen nowhere else in college football, according to the Dean of Visual and Performing Arts, of Texas Tech. Go check out her stats, she has the credentials to be saying such a bold statement. Not only does that game at that moment become so personal, it becomes a chance to say to the nation, we are here…do not ignore us. From time and time again, I tend to find myself saying, “Texas Tech is the red-headed bastard child of Texas”.

PICK ME, PICK ME
Now the facts…Texas Tech is the only Big12 member to have a winning season each year since the induction into the conference in 1996. It has the largest comeback in NCAA bowl history in the 2006 Insight Bowl. Texas Tech always hold at least a 9-3 season. (rough average). Now, do not get me wrong, we do tend to loose to a team that we should not loose to, and overall the Red Raiders are not a consistent team. BUT they are consistent enough to be considered a strong opponent against teams like University of Texas and Oklahoma University.

You’re Adopted
When little kids bicker and want to hurt one another they tend to banter, “you’re adopted, your mother does not love you”. This is what Texas Tech hears from schools like Oklahoma University, University of Texas, and Texas A&M. Why is that? Because Texas Tech has been trying to start a legitimate rivalry with these three schools. Why doe these schools not recognize their red-headed sibling. Every other school has an official rivalry with each other: Texas & Oklahoma—Red River Showdown; Texas & Texas A&M—Instate Rivalry; Oklahoma & Oklahoma State—Instate Rivalry. Schools that try to make a rivalry with Texas Tech: Nebraska and Oklahoma State. Schools that Texas Tech tries to make a rivalry with: University of Texas, Oklahoma, and Texas A&M.

What I do not understand is why Oklahoma (OU) does not accept a rivalry with Texas Tech. It is a back and forth win, from year to year, between these two schools coupled with heated and very emotional games. Texas (UT) refuses to acknowledge Tech because they are too haughty and egotistical. There is no rivalry with A&M since Texas Tech has beaten the Aggies six years in a row. Getting the Aggies to admit anything new is like making Alabama and Auburn fans to eat at a dinner table together. It just does not happen.

Both the media and the other schools in the Big 12 push Texas Tech aside. It takes Texas Tech double the amount of effort to gain recognition than it does UT or OU. [recruiting is solid, and players are talented in the red and black]

THE COME-BACK KID
According to Mahalo.com, “though not thought of nationally as their state of Texas counterparts the Longhorns and Aggies, the Red Raiders have carved an impressive and unique place within the fabric of college football. The school currently owns the record for the largest come-from-behind victory in bowl history when they rallied from 31 points down in the third quarter to defeat Minnesota in three overtimes.” This is only part of the “Kid”.

In 2005, Texas Tech played Oklahoma at home. The score is tied at 21-21. With 30 seconds left on the clock in the 4th quarter, the Red Raiders go for the touch down. Running the infamous offensive spread and the Air-Raid, Tech makes the touch down. Winning the game. But wait, it was called back. The Red Raiders, with a 2nd down, makes another pass into the end zone. Another touchdown? Called back again. Time running down on the clock, Taurean Henderson has the ball passed to him, while he jumped over the pile of red and maroon. The ball crossed the line. Touchdown. Third try the charm? OU challenges. The call was held. Tech wins 23-21.

In 2006, Texas Tech travels down to Kyle field to play the Aggies. This is was at the beginning of the Aggies’ fall from any hope of being considered a good team. There is a reason why the last coach got fired and the new coach was told that he had better beat Texas Tech. There are a few things in life that make me truly sick to my stomach: burnt orange and maroon. Having to deal with not even being seated inside Kyle Stadium, and looking straight towards a student section flicking us off, the glove had been pulled. Neck and neck through out the entire game, it came to the wire, once again. Harrell passes the ball long to Robert Johnson for the touchdown. During the last 26 seconds of the game, Tech wins 31-27.

In 2006, Tech accepts the invite to the Insight Bowl against a “Lubbock” no-named team, Minnesota. Who were the gophers anyways?! Well, it was a team that was beating Tech by the half time. I was not ready for another loss, not after the Cotton Bowl, the season before against that “other” team. I was embarrassed to see the powerful Red Raiders beaten by a rodent. After a phenomenal half time by the Goin’ Band, the Red Raiders come back and do not allow another touchdown by the Golden Gophers. Trilica, thus, was presented with a tough job…make a field goal from almost the 50-yard line. This ties the game 38-38, sending it into overtime. Tech wins the toss, and sends the gophers to the offensive. Tech’s defense holds, for once, forcing Minnesota into making a field goal. Taking turns, Tech makes a touchdown making the final score 44-41. Tech makes NCAA history for the largest comeback (31 point deficit) in a college bowl game.

In 2007, Texas Tech plays #4 OU in the Jones. The game was not televised but every media venue had a representative at the game “incase something happened”. That “something” did happen. The power of playing at The Jones happened. Tech, having the vengeance from the season earlier; the craziness of that year’s football season, Tech wanted an upset. And Tech got its upset: 34-27. The student body rushed the field creating a pep-rally that TTU had not seen since its win in basketball over Kansas.

In 2007/2008, Tech attends the Gator Bowl. The quick summary of this game, was as follows: the Insight Bowl. Tech, trailing at the half, and me, being optimistic, told a Virginia fan to go watch the 2007 Insight Bowl. He scoffed at me while I scoffed at him. Again, as history tends to repeat itself, Tech pulls a win at the last minute: 31-28. Virginia had no idea how to play Texas football.

In 2008, Tech plays Nebraska. This was a game that we all thought would be a shoe-in. But as Tech tends to be, big headed and forgets how to show-up for a game. Trailing the game the entire time, I do not think I have screamed so much at a football game, and yet did not loose my voice. It is the second time in my time of being a Red Raider did Tech go into overtime. Tied 31-31, Tech takes the first turn, playing offence. Making two touchdowns, the score changes to 37-31. Nebraska was up, held by the Tech defense, a football supposedly thrown away, headed straight towards Jamar Wall’s chest. Interception, Tech wins.

WRECK ‘EM TECH
In my four short years as a Texas Tech Girl, I have learned a couple of things in life: never leave a Texas Tech game early, three minutes in Tech-time is a very, very long time, and fighting for recognition is an every-day affair.

I love being a Red Raider. (I’m the one in the hat) It is probably one of the most fun teams to be a part of. Life is never boring when you are a Red Raider. But, I swear, I’m going to die at a young age if Tech continues to win at the last minute. (or I will have grey hairs by the year 2010). Why can’t we win like all the other teams…with a lead? Because we are Texas Tech.

Pepidemiology of Bands

2008-07-25T00:27:00.003-05:00

PEPIDEMIOLOGY: BEST BANDS

In our ongoing study of the world of college football pomp and circumstance, we present our rundown of our favorite bands. Sometimes denigrated, often ignored, and occasionally hit with thrown objects from the opposing and home stands, the members of college football’s marching bands endure many a travail while earning the 6-7 completely free football tickets they enjoy each year.
 

Marching bands: they matter whether you pay attention or not.

These include:

1. Wearing wool/poly blends in hostile climes. In warm weather, band members lose gallons of body fluids wearing heavy, double-knit jackets while marching, hopping, and standing around in the sun. In cold weather, the poly kicks in, and never seems to hold heat in for longer than the first quarter. In many senses, the originator of the military style uniform for college marching band members took every possible wrong turn in the design of the outfit, choosing a fabric that’s simultaneoulsly heavy in hot weather and light in cold weather, stitching that ensures a near complete lack of mobility, and hats that require straps, bungees, and occasionally staples through the flesh to keep on a member’s head. It belongs in the hall of historically tragic design with Firestone radial tires, Happy Time Harry, and the Tacoma Narrows Bridge.

2. Abuse. We’ve seen spitting, the throwing of objects, and on one occasion, a fight between a gay flag squad guy and two rural bon vivants who envied his sequined outfit. The flag guy won, which proves you shouldn’t ever mess with a man who tosses a fake rifle in the air all day.

3. The inability to leave, even when hopes of victory have been all but incinerated. Most people may hightail it to the exits when the other team goes up by fifty. You may not. At its worst, this can induce secondary signs of trauma, perfectly illustrated by the 1996 Fiesta Bowl, where the Florida band was reduced to throwing a rubber chicken in the air in the fourth quarter to amuse themselves. However stupid that may sound, it was far better than what was happening on the field.

Given that, bands give much to the gameday atmosphere. They provde a rallying cry for fans to unite around, providing collective cues to an otherwise disorganized mob. They pump a constant supply of festivity into the environment with songs and, if they’re particularly festive, spastic dancing, as well. More importantly, they give a counterpoint to the cheerleaders, whose charm wears thin after the first ten minutes of any game (especially if they have an amplifier and a mike.) If fans have nothing else to thank the band for, it’s drowning them out for just a few blessed seconds of every game

Saying Goodbye

2008-07-23T06:36:00.007-05:00

I have decided to change the look of my blog. Even though I still consider myself an elfen muse, I am changing. I am not the same girl who sat on that couch in Waco, Texas...when my then boyfriend walked into the room and smiled. That smile. That damned smile, I could never understand what was behind it...and even now, I probably will never truly understand. But it was the words behind that smile that told me that I was an elfen muse...I was HIS muse. Four years have past since that moment. I took that moment and lived with it, developed it, and hoped that maybe, just maybe that moment would return. There is still a part of me that will always be that elfen muse...the quiet girl with the glee behind curious eyes. I was blindly in love...and wanted to be perfect. I wanted to be his muse. I wanted to be everything to him.

Four years have past. And to be perfectly honest, talking to him is never easy. The "what ifs" always come up into our conversations. The ensnaring tenderness so dangerously intertwined with brutality scares me and makes me want more all at the same time. I listened to his recording of "Believe" by Elton John the other day. It reminded me why I fell in love with him, why i cared so much about him. There is a beautiful power he has in his music and in his passion. I know its dangerous, but I have never gone down the easy path. THAT path does not exist as far as I'm concerned. I love him. I will always continue to love him, no matter what happens or is in store for my future. He took a part of me and he keeps a part of me that I can never get back, even if I asked for it. In reality, I am completely frightened of him, but I love him so much. May this be hard for you to understand, I am sorry, but it is the truth.

If there has been one thing I have learned in my few 21 years on this earth, (4 years of awakening) is that you cannot deny reality. Whether its the reality that you have built for yourself or its the reality that knocks you over the head, it is the harsh truth of the world in which we live in. This is why I have changed my blog layout and title. I will always be the little elfen muse, but the harsh reality of it all is that I am not her now. I feel like an adult holding a red balloon and trying to see the world through its red tents. I feel like I am holding this metaphor of innocence so tightly that it will pop, and all I have in my hands are rubber shards that stretch and bend, but will never be what it once was.

This is the reality of The Red Balloon.

- Reijn

Sticky Mangos and Flying Bombs...

2008-03-12T21:52:00.003-05:00

Its never easy. Actually, I believe it gets harder the older you get...and more frequent. Growing up is never easy, and neither is getting older. I got news not too long ago that my grandfather passed away. We have been expecting it for some time now but it is never easy being actually faced with it.

As a child you always have a starry-eyed view of the people around you. Everybody is a god. Nobody can do anything wrong. I think one of the earliest memories I have is talking on the phone with my grandparents. Me, speaking english, and them speaking japanese. I didn't understand what was going on but I jabbered on about something or other, not pertaining to the conversation. Next, I remember going to Sacramento for New Years when i was about 7 or 8. I remember the beautiful garden and the wonderful food. I also vaguely remember going on walks early in the morning with Grandpa. The dew was just settling on lawns and the river in the neighborhood still had fog sitting on its banks. The distinct smell of dankness still lingers in my memories.

As a child, I really don't have too many vivid memories of the few times I did spend with my grandfather. He, in California (et al) and me growing up in Houston, visits were very rare. I remember Disney World. I remember it being very hot. I remember having tons of headaches. And I also remember Grandpa finding that one spot on my back, applying pressure, and poof, my headache was gone. I asked him to teach me that trick this summer, he just laughed and brushed me off. He probally didn't even remember the trick...but it helped me get through that trip. When we were going on the plane to return home to Houston, I remember him leaning down into my ear with a five dollar bill and a one dollar bill. He whispered, "which one do you want." I took the five dollar bill, smiled and thanked him. I don't remember if i showed my parents or not. He then continued to give my younger brother the one dollar bill. I thought I was very smart and clever...for choosing the bigger number.

Grandpa loved fishing. So does my little brother. I take dad's side...its good to eat but not fun to catch. Grandpa took me on my first and last fishing trip. He and grandma took a trip down to Houston one spring to visit us. There are two things I remember: Grandma's wonderful apple pie and how bored I got during Grandpa's fishing excursion. I wish, to this day, that i had a book. Of course, I didn't catch anything...Peter and Grandpa did...but i didn't. I'm not one to sit for three or so hours staring at the water. Jordan, my boyfriend...and an Eagle Scout, wants to take me fishing...and I remember back to that day on the local lake...shake my head and say, "hell no."

I have taken two memorable trips to Hawaii. One, when I was a Sophmore in high school (16 years) and again just this past summer (junior in college, 20 years). Again, there isn't much that i do remember from the first memorable trip...just afew stories and acouple trips to places that tourist rarely go. Last summer I learned alot though. I learned more about my grandfather than I ever have. I was able to avoid fishing, but spend little time on the beach...where the typical college student wants to go. I ate at restraunts that i probally would have never have gone to. But my fondest memory is him and grandma bickering...like any couple does. Now, that I'm seriously dating and looking at my elders as examples...I naturally look at my grandparents...people that I adore and respect. We were at dinner and Grandma sweetly says, "Tom, can you get my purse?"
Grandpa, already halfway out the door and 10 feet ahead of the rest of the family, turns around and strictly states, "No, get your own purse."
Very appauled yet still with a little smile in her voice, grandma huffs, "Tom, come get my purse for me...I can't get it..."
This continues with Grandpa, clearly alittle irritated but lovingly grabs Grandma's purse and walks out the door leaving Peter to help Grandma to the car. I laughed. I it was a typical lover's spat (as my coworkers say)...and to see it during 50+ years of marriage...made me feel better. It was adorable. Grandpa was independent to the end...with a wonderful heart. Grandma told us a story of when they still had a garden in Sacramento. Black birds were eating at some fruit they were growing. Grandpa got so fed up with the black birds that he finally was able to catch one with a water hose and trap it underneath a bucket. Grandma walked out of the house into the back yard to the sound of very strict scolding...Grandpa hunched over with his finger out telling this bird how bad of a bird it was. I can only imagine grandpa in his straw hat, hunched over, yelling at a bucket. He didn't have the heart to hurt the poor thing, so he ended up letting it go. I'm sure that bird thought twice before returning the next day for a piece of fruit.

I am proud of Grandpa. Which is backwards...a grandparent should be proud of thier grandchild. But I'm proud of my grandfather. I have always looked up to him. I admired his drive for the research he was conducting...for the findings he did discover...and for the work he did for his entire life. I admire him even if he conned his entire platoon out of thier money before reaching France. I admire him for the impact his research is going to do for the Japanese people. I'm proud to be his granddaughter. I come from a strong lineage...one that works hard and is hard headed.

I am a student at Texas Tech University. I am also taking Japanese so that I can learn more about my own heritage. Upon asking my Japanese professor how old he is, we (the class) gets the reply, "I'm an old man". I immediately think of Grandpa. He used to say that all the time: "I'm an old man". Yet, he had more stamina that I ever did.

Now I look up in the Lubbock sky and see beautiful stars. That is a plus for living in Lubbock, we get a beautiful sky and wonderful stars shining every night...not too much different to the Hawaiian sky. I pray that Grandpa is finally happy, and debating theories he had with God. That he is with me when I graduate and when my personal and professional life takes off. I want him to know that I'm working very hard in my Japanese class and that one day I will be able to talk to him in Japanese. I want him to know that I still admire him...even if he didn't let me inherit that painting/photo.

I stick up for him when i hear at the bar, "all those Japs ever did was bomb us". I can't even imagine the life he led during WWII. I admire him for it.

I wanted him to marry me. I wanted him to take me to Japan so that I could see it through his eyes. But now, all I want to do is go back to Baylor and walk on campus. Thinking. How it must have been for him when he was in college. That is the closest place I can be to him (location) right now. I guess that's ok.

Grandpa lived one of the most fullest lifes I can think of. And for that I admire him and strive for just as fulfilling of a life.

I love you grandpa, and I cry only because I love you.

- Reijn

The Angry White Man

2008-02-19T00:10:00.006-06:00

Jordan forwarded this to me. At least somebody has a brain out there to put it in a newspaper.

Editorial from the Aspen, Colorado local newspaper:

There is a great amount of interest in this year's presidential elections, as everybody seems to recognize that our next president has to be a lot better than George Bush. The Democrats are riding high with two groundbreaking candidates — a woman and an African-American — while the conservative Republicans are in a quandary about their party's nod to a quasi-liberal maverick, John McCain.

Each candidate is carefully pandering to a smorgasbord of special-interest groups, ranging from gay, lesbian and transgender people to children of illegal immigrants to working mothers to evangelical Christians.

There is one group no one has recognized, and it is the group that will decide the election: the Angry White Man. The Angry White Man comes from all economic backgrounds, from dirt-poor to filthy rich. He represents all geographic areas in America, from urban sophisticate to rural redneck, deep South to mountain West, left Coast to Eastern Seaboard.

His common traits are that he isn't looking for anything from anyone — just the promise to be able to make his own way on a level playing field. In many cases, he is an independent businessman and employs several people. He pays more than his share of taxes and works hard.

The victimhood syndrome buzzwords — "disenfranchised," "marginalized" and "voiceless" — don't resonate with him. "Press 'one' for English" is a curse-word to him. He's used to picking up the tab, whether it's the company Christmas party, three sets of braces, three college educations or a beautiful wedding.

He believes the Constitution is to be interpreted literally, not as a "living document" open to the whims and vagaries of a panel of judges who have never worked an honest day in their lives.

The Angry White Man owns firearms, and he's willing to pick up a gun to defend his home and his country. He is willing to lay down his life to defend the freedom and safety of others, and the thought of killing someone who needs killing really doesn't bother him.

The Angry White Man is not a metrosexual, a homosexual or a victim. Nobody like him drowned in Hurricane Katrina — he got his people together and got the hell out, then went back in to rescue those too helpless and stupid to help themselves, often as a police officer, a National Guard soldier or a volunteer firefighter.

His last name and religion don't matter. His background might be Italian, English, Polish, German, Slavic, Irish, or Russian, and he might have Cherokee, Mexican, or Puerto Rican mixed in, but he considers himself a white American.

He's a man's man, the kind of guy who likes to play poker, watch football, hunt white-tailed deer, call turkeys, play golf, spend a few bucks at a strip club once in a blue moon, change his own oil and build things. He coaches baseball, soccer and football teams and doesn't ask for a penny. He's the kind of guy who can put an addition on his house with a couple of friends, drill an oil well, weld a new bumper for his truck, design a factory and publish books. He can fill a train with 100,000 tons of coal and get it to the power plant on time so that you keep the lights on and never know what it took to flip that light switch.

Women either love him or hate him, but they know he's a man, not a dishrag. If they're looking for someone to walk all over, they've got the wrong guy. He stands up straight, opens doors for women and says "Yes, sir" and "No, ma'am."

He might be a Republican and he might be a Democrat; he might be a Libertarian or a Green. He knows that his wife is more emotional than rational, and he guides the family in a rational manner.

He's not a racist, but he is annoyed and disappointed when people of certain backgrounds exhibit behavior that typifies the worst stereotypes of their race. He's willing to give everybody a fair chance if they work hard, play by the rules and learn English.

Most important, the Angry White Man is pissed off. When his job site becomes flooded with illegal workers who don't pay taxes and his wages drop like a stone, he gets righteously angry. When his job gets shipped overseas, and he has to speak to some incomprehensible idiot in India for tech support, he simmers. When Al Sharpton comes on TV, leading some rally for reparations for slavery or some such nonsense, he bites his tongue and he remembers. When a child gets charged with carrying a concealed weapon for mistakenly bringing a penknife to school, he takes note of who the local idiots are in education and law enforcement.

He also votes, and the Angry White Man loathes Hillary Clinton. Her voice reminds him of a shovel scraping a rock. He recoils at the mere sight of her on television. Her very image disgusts him, and he cannot fathom why anyone would want her as their leader. It's not that she is a woman. It's that she is who she is It's the liberal victim groups she panders to, the "poor me" attitude that she represents, her inability to give a straight answer to an honest question, his tax dollars that she wants to give to people who refuse to do anything for themselves.

There are many millions of Angry White Men. Four million Angry White Men are members of the National Rifle Association, and all of them will vote against Hillary Clinton, just as the great majority of them voted for George Bush.

He hopes that she will be the Democratic nominee for president in 2008, and he will make sure that she gets beaten like a drum.

Stuff Movies are Made Of

2008-02-11T13:27:00.000-06:00

So I guess I've been thinking more, or this little elfen muse has a muse of her own. Either way, here is another post in the same month! Amazing isn't it! lol

Valentines day is usually the bane of my existance, but this year I actually have a wonderful boyfriend AND it will be our 6 month anniversary.

I decided i should make a list of the things that I want for Valentines and I know I will never get, because I ALWAYS have crappy valentines days.

1. a ring: Jordan and I have gone back and forth about this. I want a promise ring. He doesn't think its necessary. But, i'm a girl, and I am reminded of what a wonderful relationship I have when i have something placed on my finger. Weird, I know, but i'm a wild child.

2. flowers: Steve was the last guy to give me flowers. They were for my birthday, and it was wonderful. Poor guy, he wanted to take me out for dinner, but by that time i had pretty much committed to Jordan. I think the other time i recieved flowers was for my art show opening...rarely do i recieve them from a lover...and not a family member.

3. a nice dinner with candles: i know i'm really getting mushy with you guys, but you have to realize, i've never had a romantic dinner. Derek tried, i'll give him that, once...but...well...i'm leaving it at that. Anywhos, the stuff you see in the movies is truly that...the movies...

4. a quiet evening watching movies: happened once with Jordan, and only because I was really sick.

5. surpise me: i've never been surprised...ever. Well, scratch that...James did suprise me once by taking me to an art studio to see some majorly awsome sculptures. But for a romantic...anything...i haven't been surprised. Honestly, for once I would like to be told, "put on something nice and sexy, we are going out" and that be that. Well, yeah, Jordan and I are both in college but you can still do that and have a nice picnic. *shrugs*

EXTRA
I guess overall, i find valentines the second most hated holdiay on my list. (Christmas being the first). I don't like the color pink, and honestly even though it is a holiday to express your "love" for someone, that should be expressed regularly and not because some day tells you so. There is not much good that I have experianced that has come out of this day. Well, scratch that...the KY commercials are pretty funny. And truly, they have the heart of the holiday..."Happy Valentine's Night".

-Reijn

What is Love?

2008-02-10T12:47:00.000-06:00

This is something i found in another blog. I just wanted to comment on afew, while i read it. I wanted to say the experience that Jordan and I are going through right now, and how this compares to what is written. We are in love, period. But does that mean that what is written below defines our love? I don't think so. That is why i am commenting in red.

The True Meaning of Love

2:23pm Saturday, Feb 9

What is Love?

Love is a slow kiss goodnight.
It's anticipation.

Anticipation? For what? It doesn't seem logical to me.

Love is flirting outrageously and still remembering that the person at your side is not obligated to do anything.
It's respect.

Respect, yes, but what does that have to do with flirting? When Jordan and I flirt it usually revolves around poking, tickling, silly faces, maybe a punch or two, then always ending with a kiss. Last night, I worked a long shift at the bar and Jordan grabbed me and twirled me around on the dance floor then dipped me and gave me a kiss. That is love...that is respect...that is knowledge. He knew i needed him.

Love is an imperfection in yourself not bothering you.
It's acceptance.

I think its the other way around..."Love is seeing imperfection in your partner, but it not bothering you."

Love is passing up an opportunity because the time isn't right yet.
It's patience.

Love is a back massage that starts above the hairline and ends around the insoles.
It's exploration.

It's tenderness.

Love is not having to say "Let's make love," because you know what the other person wants.
It's understanding.

Pshah, Jordan asks me that only because he is being polite, and curtious.

Love is being given an honest chance to say no when you thought you were committed.
It's consideration.

Love is both of you remembering protection.
It's responsibility.

Love is saying the perfect phrase to make a solemn embrace dissolve into giggles.
It's humor.

Jordan is perfect about that. He will be saying the most amazing thing, then he will break it all with some stupid phrase. Its typical him. I love him for it...and hate him at the same time. lol!

Love is being told "Stop and I'll kill you".
It's desire.

Its usually the other way around..."Stop or I'll kill you" But either way, we desire eachother because of the stupid stuff.

Love is reviewing the damage to your living room and realizing personal effects are strewn in a clockwise pattern from the front door to the bedroom.
It's abandonment.

The sad thing...its so true!

Love is seeing what your lover really looks like for the first time.
It's truth.

It's realization...it's purity.

Love is knowing what time it is and not caring.
It's joy.

It's personal happiness.

Love is the arms around you tightening their embrace.
It's ecstasy.

The first thing that struck me as wonderful, is the first time Jordan and I slept in the same bed. He would always turn around and wrap his arms around me...even when I would try to wiggle away from him so i could get comfortable...he would grab me and pull me in closer. It struck me as amazing. His arms would not slack off in sleep, but they would stay tight, wrapped doubly around me. I realized right then, that I had the opritunity to feel safe...be protected, for forever. It's protection...its security.

Love is seeing a new side of a person you thought you knew.
It's renewal.

Love is telling a person if you have to leave, you will let them sleep, and being told they would rather be woken.
It's tenderness.

Its stupidity of you ask me. I have to leave many of the times when Jordan still is asleep. I kiss him on the forehead and tell him, "goodbye my love, I'll see you when I get home." I let him continue sleeping. THAT is tenderness.

Love is waking up to find the subject of the dream you were having asleep on your shoulder.
It's where fantasy meets reality.

Or in my position, i'm asleep on his shoulder..."Love is waking up to find the subject of the dream you were having asleep, arms wrapped around you." Its where fantasy meets reality.

Love is being there to wake your lover. Slowly.
It's sensuousness.

I love it and hate it when he does that. Its rare, but I love the feeling, and I hate being woken up.

Love is belatedly knowing why you bothered to buy a queen-sized bed three years ago.
It's practicality.

or a king.

Love is two people only taking up a third of a queen-sized bed.
It's closeness.

or a king...when we get one, someday...with TONS of blankets!

Love is knowing you gave the extra set of keys to your apartment to the right person.
It's trust.

or leaving the door unlocked...

Love is saying good-bye and knowing you will be back by mutual consent.
It's faith.

I hate saying goodbye...i can't. Especially when i know i'm leaving the person I love behind.

Love is stretching your arms and discovering the real meaning of the word "sore".
It's a lesson in human frailty.

Isn't that the truth.

Love is opening your medicine cabinet and finding your tube of toothpaste turned into a pretzel.
It's adaptation.

we haven't gotten there yet...and hopefully never will. I guess for us, its our shampoos and conditioners...we never seem to be able to keep it in the house. That and water.

Love is sitting at the window, looking out and remembering who you were with the night before.
It's reflection.

I would rather say, "Love is sitting at the window, looking out and remembering who you were before you met "them"...and knowing who you are now...and who you can become..." Its reflection.

Love is hearing the weather forecast for a winter storm and wishing you could spend it in bed with your lover.
It's loneliness.

Oh isn't that the truth. ESPECIALLY when you have to get out in it.

Love is stories that will never be told.
It's personal.

Love is looking in that person's eyes and smiling...just knowing.
It's personal.

Love is Music and You!

Music?! Love is indescribable...if you can describe it then Hallmark should hire you. Or at least you should win some sort of prize.

- Reijn

Paige Says...Toys R Us

2008-02-05T10:29:00.000-06:00

Ok, i know it is not December any more...nor is it January. You can't blame me too much. School gets in the way of my updating. Again, i apologize in almost every post, but I feel like it is necessary.

It is February. Boy, has life been busy. I have actually hand written some blog entries over the past couple of weeks, but alas, they are probally not going to be electronically posted. I really don't have the time to sit down and type it all up. Its a miracle that i have gotten this one up.

Quick Synopsis.
Well, not much has really changed...school, classes, homework, Jordan; small social life. The only thing that has really changed is that I have a job now. I am a waitress at a local bar here in Lubbock, Bash's Riprock #1. I started on Saturday, and am actually enjoying it greatly. I already spend ungodly amounts of time there, might as well be paid to do so. I'm not making the big bucks, nor do I really expect to do so, but it is enough to have some pocket change. That's all I really want. I also have an art studio now. It is my neighbor's old apartment. They moved down to Houston but did not break their lease, so they are allowing me to use it until the lease is up. It is very kind of them, and I love them so much for it. (I love them even if they didn't do what they did, but they are just amazing people to begin with!) So, on that note, I have been painting, and studying in that new space. I already have a commission or two! It really makes me excited. I am finally doing what I love, AND getting paid for it! Slowly, I am becoming the artist that I want to be. Jordan and I are doing wonderful. Not much has changed in our relationship. Afew fights, but they have made us stronger and taught us our boundaries with eachother. Its good...in a way. Six months will be Valentines day. Ironic, especially in my life (if you know my dating history). We both are planning to work that day, so we may have to celebrate on a later date. Its ok. I won't complain. I love him no matter what. That fact does not scare me at all. I have found happiness in someone who will not hurt me, who will look after me, and who is my rock...or as Paige states it, "I'm acid, and he's my base." We both have men in our lives that stabilizes us out. Something we desperately need. It is such a wonderful feeling.

Weather.
I don't know what it is about Lubbock, but it will be cold and snowing one day, then the next it will be in the 60s. Back and forth, back and forth. It is the wierdest thing, and the most annoying. I'm not quite sure how to dress...or what to stock my draws with. lol

Profound.
Most blogs are designed for social ranting. It is "much to do about nothing". But I have read several blogs that actually have good discussions/topics. It is something I have always wanted to do in my own little space on the web. I did that once, but I really don't do it anymore. Maybe its something I should start again:

Today's topic is reality.

I went to a dorm today to grab some lunch, and what I saw surprised me. It didn't shock me...because I had known of its existance, but I had forgotten. Freshman. Little wanna-be sorority and frat freshman who all need an attitude adjustment, a clue about style, and all of thier cell phones broken. It brings me back to what a friend told me the other day, "Reijn, you have really changed, you're alot more mature now then you were back then." The "back then" he was refering to was the summer of my Freshman/Sophmore year and my entire Sophmore school year. I, personally, have not seen this change, but my peers have. I guess this is a good thing.

I now surround myself with people who are much older than me, and I can converse with them quite easily. Its wonderful infact. Seeing all those Freshman reminded me of what I was at one point. Responsibility was not something that was high on my priority list.
Some times when we are forced into a situation we have to rise to the occasion. Freshman courses that don't require any form of brain functions hinder the personal social growth. But in just the same, taking Junior and Senior level courses forces you to present yourself with your peers in a dictated manner. Thus, we have to be something. We are all forced to grow up. At the age of 21, I am towered down by the prospect of becomming a big kid and finding a real job. Not my night bar side job.

I was told by two returning alumni at the bar the other night, is to enjoy college while i still can. They told me of the monotomy that one falls into when working a daily job. They highly glorified taking that week trip to South Carolina in a hippie van with a friend of mine. He said that "work" was almost like loosing your childlike perspective on things...the glories of learning...exploring. The world is still viewable through rose-colored sunglasses. Growing up is never fun. But it is something we all do, eventually...some more than others.

I don't want to grow up at the age of 23...nor do i really want to grow up at the age of 26. Its going to happen at some point. I watched my friend at the age of 21 get married and have her first child. At the age of 22/23 she is pregnant with her second. At the age of 23, Paige got married and found a grown-up job. So did her husband. Their friend, age 21, already has a grown up job.

It brings me back to what a small boy said to me over the summer, while I was working retail...I asked him how old he was. He answered me quite promptly, "Five."
I replied, "FIVE?! Wow, I wish I was five again."
He stood there. And he stood there...thinking. About seven min. later he piped up, professionally stating, "You know, if you think back to when you were five, you will be five again." I laughed. But six months later, I still think about what he said. Even though, I laughed and initially blew him off, what he said was quite profound. A normal five year old doesn't come up with those things. As adults we forget how it is to be five again. We forget our childhood, in a sense. We mature, and become functional human beings within the boundaries of society. In a way, we lock up Toys R Us and open up the doors to Office Depot.

-Reijn

Cites:
The picture of the boy in gear is from a wikimedia commons page about the Make A Wish foundation. Evan Moriarty is five years old, and survived cancer.

Bah, humbug...

2007-12-24T18:04:00.000-06:00

One more year and one more rant of why i hate Christmas.

I cannot stand the fake facade that people put on for this holiday. This is the season when people are kind and generous, and families get together. But, this is also the holiday for headaches, yelling, mean looks, and people's true nature.

Why I hate Christmas:

People are supposed to be especially nice and generous. But why this holiday, why this week, why this month? Why can't people care for eachother on every day of the week, why not July or May? They use Christmas as an excuse. It is a reason to be nice. "reason for the season". Reason...excuse. Its all the same in my book. But in return, i work retail. Isn't this the season for jolly? But people get mean. They get really mean. They demand things instead of asking...they want everything given to them hand and foot. Just because i work retail does not mean that you can treat me inhumanly. Arn't you supposed to treat me nicer? It doesn't happen. I'm sick of splattering a smile on my face for every person who walks in with a ding following behind them. Why do i have to be nice during a holiday that i don't morally agree with?

Why I hate Christmas Religiously:

Its the fake smile. Not like that doesn't happen naturally in a church setting, but we celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ. That is good. But he wasn't born on Christmas. That's fine. But we have turned it into something that it is not. It is a celebration but it is a reflection of the life that Jesus led, that he is "going to lead". It is supposed to be a reverant thing, not a pagent, not a special service...but a prayer and a reminder of why we are who we are...why we worship the Lord.

Why I hate Christmas Musically:

it all sucks. Every remake, every origional. THE only good song that came out of the Christmas holiday is Carol of the Bells...and that is only because it is composed very well. I'm sick of hearing Jingle Bells, or "Santa baby". It needs to stop. please. That is my number one reason why i DO NOT listen to KSBJ when i go back to Houston.

Finally Why I hate Christmas:

I feel like we have lost sight of what Christmas is supposed to be. It has evolved into something that I cannot support, that I cannot morally be happy about. I can't even bring myself to say "merry Christmas" or "happy holiday". I tend to say, "good luck". People need that more.

- Reijn

Eulogy of Tessarose

2007-12-15T17:22:00.002-06:00

Today was supposed to be a busy and glorious day. I was supposed to clean my apartment, do laundry, pack, and help my neighbors move out. But when i went to go put my hedgehog in my shower, i found her lying on her side, peaceful and eyes glazed over. Tessarose died. She passed away some time within the past two days. She was my first pet that I bought myself...that i took care of without any parental supervision. Even my family fell in love with her. Jordan has adopted the hedgehog hiss...and now my baby is no longer with us anymore. It makes me sad. I cried for several minutes and now feel the weight of depression. I loved her, probally more than a 21 year old girl should love a prickly ball of spikes. Tessie was a bitch, but i felt like her time was comming. I love her. And I will miss her so much.

In Loving Memory
Reijn

Covered with Fingerprints

2007-11-20T09:27:00.000-06:00

i've been so busy lately that writing has been the last thing on my mind. Unfortunately. But i decided that i really needed to write something. Something that has really been on my mind lately:

People.

People are curious things. Before football games everybody is friendly and the air is filled with anticipation. I saw Texas Tech fans mingling with Oklahoma fans and having a great time. But at the game, it was as if hell had opened up its gates and allowed its demons to wear black and red. Once the game was over, the students flooded the field like the water buffalo in The Lion King...with probally the same amount of brain functions. People in large groups never cease to ammuse me.

People are both kind and horrible. My laptop got stolen this past week. I miss my baby. She surved me well. I don't understand how anybody would be so horrible as to steal somebody else's property. I probally will never see my baby again. At the same time I am reminded of the hospitality of these same group of humans that I spend my days on earth with. Every person I have told that I was staying home for the break invited me to thier house for a thanksgiving dinner...each one said it with a smile on thier face. On top of that, men open doors for girls; friends will always pull through for you; and whenever you need a smile, they give you one for free.

People are your friends...for better or for worse. I can always expect scary and bad news from my friends. I think its because it is the fact that they are my friend. They break my heart, and they turn my head into a whirrl but somehow they stick around! Friends are curious creatures.

People do curious things. They aren't predictable. They always throw you for a loop. They come by and kiss you or tell you that they love you, or they slap you across the face and yell.

I love my people...and in the end i really do love the life i lead. Its hard at times but when I see that swagger stance in my doorway I always smile inside knowing that it will all be ok. When i see that blonde stylized hair and those shiny blue eyes coupled with a bright smile...i know that my world is not so bad.

We all need constants in our lives...and I am sure I have found mine.

- Reijn

Sickie poo!

2007-10-19T20:13:00.000-05:00

I've been sick all week. It hasn't been too much fun but I have found comfort in the small things:

1) snuggling in tons and tons of blankets-there is nothing like curling deep down in two comfortors, two afgans and a woven blanket with your favorite stuffed animal and tons of pillows. The comfort when you find just the right spot just makes all the sucky things in life go away.

2) good friends-even when i don't ask them, i have friends that will call me and check up on me to make sure i'm feeling ok. If it deals with japanese homework, music, to go get a lost boyfriend from the bar or just needing some crackers from the store, I have a wonderful group of friends that i can rely upon.

3) fresh air-you never really appreciate fresh air until you open up your small apartment to let all the stagnent air out and it feels oh so good.

4) real food-i fully believe in, "you never appreciate the things you have when you don't have them anymore."

5) wonderful boyfriend-it doesn't matter if you are throwing up and crying or slapping him in the face because he said something stupid, he still makes me laugh when i'm feeling horrible and he takes care of me when i need it most.

Its small things like these that make me realize how much i have and what i don't have. Being sick is never fun, but when you are away from home, its even tougher. When you have wonderful people to rely upon, thats all that a sick girl in Lubbock ever needs!

-Reijn

Future Breaks

2007-09-23T08:51:00.000-05:00

Crazy.

Its been a crazy crazy good week. I've been consumed with school work and classes. My english courses are going to eat me for lunch, then my art courses are going to eat the small remains of me for dinner. ha ha ha...ok, korny i know....leave me alone. Its been a long week. I've been studying hard in my Japanese class while trying to keep a somewhat social life. Which leads me to Jordan.

Jordan's Future.

I think i found someone special. Like, honestly special. I don't want to sound to presumptuous or "jumping-the-gun" but i think i found someone that lean on, and trust, and care for while not being scared of the future. That is something that has always come and bitten me in the butt...the future. So many wonderful guys have walked out of my life because of changes in thier lives or paths changing. Its not anything that i like or enjoy seeing, but it is something that tends to happen with me...more often than not. Jordan is graduating in December. Well, wonderful for him, though, i'm just worried what would happen to "us" if he leaves. I think we found our connection...our halves...but lets face it, i don't do long distance, and I have two more years ahead of me before i graduate with my undergrad. Then, on top of that, i want to go to grad school. Is he willing to follow? I don't know. My education has always come first in my life, but at the same time...what truly comes first when you are falling so hard and so fast for someone that you are scared to even look around for the ground? I pray to God that the ground never comes. I don't want to go through that pain again...not now, and not with Jordan.

Guys and Dolls.

A friend just asked me: "lol, well, I took a girl from work but it looks like we will just be friends.
From one friend to another, tell me the truth on this question,
Why do nice guys finish last?"

I responded: lol, honestly from one friend to another and one guy to/from a girl...this is how it works:

the nice guys don't finish last. In the long run they don't. They come out on top. They are the ones who get the girl after the douchbags have gone and are still single. The nice guys are the ones who come out with the hot girls too. The thing is that most girls our age have not figured themselves out. They don't know who they are and what they want in both thier lives and in a relationship. In many ways, you have to wait until you find a mature enough girl for you. But once you find her, you will most definately be comming out on top, compared to that asshole behind you. Alot of my guy friends have asked me that exact same question, and all I truly have to say is that the girls that you are going for are not worth your time if they are acting the way they are. The ones who are worth your time are the ones who are sitting in a corner watching everybody and then slips out when the people are getting stupid. (But i would like to respond more: ) Jordan said something to me last night that really struck me hard. I've had lots of friends and guy friends all tell me that i'm the "fish" that got away, or that i'm too much of an air elemental for my own good. Jordan said, that he had been waiting for someone like me, for a long time. That he was not going to let this oppritunity go...that i was worth the sacrifices. What he said struck me hard. This is why. NOBODY has ever said that to me. no one. Now, i probally have some of my ex-es reading this and they are saying, "no, i said that to you..." but my responce to you is that things never pulled through...the sacrifices weren't made...or paths changed and there were no need for sacrifices. With Jordan, i'm eerily suspicious that things are different. That he might actually make those sacrifices. But what about the nice guys? Overall, Jordan is a nice guy. He is sweet with chilvary and wonderful manners. A good west texas boy. Don't get me wrong, he is a complete ass too. But that is his way of showing that he cares. (how backwards that sounds, its true). He sat me down last night and told me that if any of my (bad) ex-es continued to call me that he would intervene...because he could and he felt like it was his right. I was floored. No one has ever offered to do that. So, in his case, the nice guy did not finish last...the nice guy just had to sift through all the crappy girls until he found one good one...thus comming out on top in the end....then all the real jerks are still single and still left with all the crappy girls.

Its a really backwards world we live in. My question to you is, "why do all the good ones go through the BS before finding something special?" I don't regret any of my past relationships but at the same time, alot of it was extreemly unnecessary and painful. I have grown because of it, but it doesn't change the fact that the scars and barriers are still there. Its hard to let go of what you know to be true...what is truth for your life. Its a comfort zone almost. Why walk out of the shell that makes us feel safe, just to take a gamble of happiness? Too many people make that mistake and become hurt in the end. Its not fair...its not right.

-Reijn

Unpatriotic

2007-09-12T09:57:00.000-05:00

The Struggle.

The title of this entry reminds me of my high school band director. He yelled at us for 30 min my freshman year telling us how unpatriotic we were because we weren't rehursing well in band. This was right after the happenings of 9/11. He went on and ranted how marching band is an American tradition and that we are to uphold it and be proud of our traditions...therefore be patriotic and rehurse well. Alot of bull, but what can you do when you are standing at attention on a marching field being yelled at. So that is my little story for 9/11. Prayers to the families effected, the people involved and our world situation right now:

Sam: "It's in the great stories, Frodo. The one's that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger they were and sometimes you didn't want to know the end because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened?
"But in the end it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. These were the stories that stayed with you, that meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back only they didn't. They kept going because they were holding on to something."

Frodo: "What are we holding on to Sam?"

Sam: "There's some good in this world. And it's worth fighting for."

Cell Phone.

So, as many of you know, my cell phone died the morning of my birthday. So i have been without a phone for almost a week now. I have learned to love it. This is why. No phone calls at ungodly hours at night, no textmessages telling me pointless information, no interuptions during my naps, class, or personal time. I am really enjoying the solitude of no cell phones. What is even better is that (now this is a secret) i have a replacement until the contract is renewed. Very few people know this. Why? I'm enjoying little to no phonecalls! I have developed this new habit: I don't take my phone to class, and i turn it off by 11:00pm each night. I don't care if i'm pulling a late night, the phone goes off. If someone really needs to contact me they can shoot me an email or message me on AIM, i'll get it soon enough. I have actually come to not like the ring of a phone. It grates at my ears. Why may you ask? Honestly, i think its because I was so dependant on a phone but many places don't want a phone on i started turning my phone to vibrate 24/7. The phone i have now is too old and i barely remember how to work the thing, so it stays on ring...and its annoying. Only three or so weeks of annoying rings. Speaking of that, three weeks of this phone, so i won't be programming any numbers into it, because I do not want to take the time to type in 150+ people into my phone then have to do it three weeks later. Logic. So all in all, i'm gravitating more and more towards solitude...pure and utter solitude. I don't think i'll give up my computers, but i will turn down friend's requests to hang out, and i won't always answer my phone anymore. Its just a grand feeling!

iPod.

so i think i lost my ipod again. I love that thing, and i think its gone. I'm probally going to have to wait until Christmas break until i have enough money to buy a nother one. I'm probally going to get one of the iPod touches or the new nano. We'll see. We'll see. I don't understand how i continuously loose my ipod. I guess, i'm never truly ment to keep it. Curse God and His grand design, not really, but really. lol. I miss my Little Raider...it was red and black. Yeah, i'm a geek...what can I say...i love Tech alot.

Weather.

It has been scientifically proven that weather effects someone's attitude and mood. Monday and Tuesday it was cold and rainy and dreery. I struggled so much trying to get out bed, so much so that every time i layed down for a nap, i slept through my class. The feeling of hopelessness and antisocialness for the world creeps into the very poors of your thoughts. In other words, i'm not a nice person when the weather is bad in Lubbock. Lubbock is known for its 80% sky and sunshine throughout the year. That hasn't been the case as of lately. Sad isn't it. I noticed this about myself when i was a Freshman. You get so used to the sun and the cloudless skys that once they go away, you feel like the world is falling in on you. It just shows how much I really do enjoy a sunny day no matter how hot or cold it is. Right now, its pure blue skies with a slight breeze, cool air, and the sun is laughing. I have my door to my apartment open and my window unit to: "fan". Its so beautiful, why not?! I enjoy really nice wonderful weather...especially when you have to wear a jacket in the mornings and shorts in the afternoons. lol!

Best wishes friends!

-Reijn

The Secrets of the East...

2007-09-10T10:33:00.000-05:00

well, after reading some of my other link-friend's blogs i decided i should go ahead and blog. I'm horrible at continuing blogging but i'm going to do it.

Acouple of things first:
- my water is shut off again...i need to go to the restroom.
- its raining...its raining in lubbock...and its cold. Its only september.
- i have fallen in love with my apartment complex. I love my neighbors and community
- I'm happy, truly happy for the first time in several years

My 21st.

Well, my birthday went quite well. Brian and I went to Pei Wei. We dressed up nice and went to dinner. It was nice. I haven't dressed up in a very long time. It was very nice. Then after dinner we went to The Strip and i bought alcohol all by myself! Turning 21 rights of passage and all. lol. Then we went back to my apartment and got it ready for the party. During the party, several good friends showed up and we all had a wonderful time. Several of my neighbors showed up as well. It was really cool that they decided to come. I really got to know one of them, Jordan. He actually ran to the Strip and bought me stuff and came back and hung out with us. It was really cool. Overall i had a fun time. I jammed my finger quite well, and its swollen and hurts now....but its just jammed. My fridge is stuffed full of alcoholic drinks...that scares me just a bit. And i got a total of one hour of sleep before i had to get up and go to marching band rehursal on Saturday. Oh, that remindes me in a backwards sort of way, my friend John came by and we jammed. He played on my piano and i took out my flute. I was quite drunk, but we had fun playing and just jamming together. It was pretty cool.

Jordan.

He lives above and across the way from me. I can see his door from my window. I come home over the weekend and he's sitting outside of his door smoking and chillin'. With a great smile and a witty personallity, i have really grown to appreciate his friendship and presence around this place. The only problem, the little f-er is graduating in December and may not be around for next semester. That is always how things tend to pan out. I make amazing friends and then they graduate and move on...and i normally never see them again. It makes me sad and frustrated. He's one of those people that i am really enjoying getting to know. We laugh and intellectually challenge eachother. Its great. I really want to see where this friendship leads to. I'm excited about all of the possibilities.

Apartment.

my apartment is a mess. I need to clean the carpet, clean the kitchen and bathroom...desperately. I also need to take the hedgehogs outside and let them run around...but its raining...i don't like rain...and its cold..i don't like it when it gets cold. lol. I'm sleepy too...and really want to use the restroom but the water is off. *sighs*

Oh well.

-Reijn

Beautiful Disaster

2007-09-05T16:03:00.000-05:00

Hedgehogs.

Nothing really that big to talk about right now. I took my hedgehogs out yesterday morning. My morning english class was cancled so, i thought that it was good weather and a good time to take the little hedgepigs out for a run. Of course, it was too much for me, trying to keep up with Tessie. So i put her in her plastic ball...and let her run around. Lily played with a papertowel roll. She would get her head stuck inside and would walk around with this huge tube comming out from her head. She was so cute. I decided to sketch them while they played. It was really adorable. Many people came out of their apartments and watched them too. I was able to meet quite afew new people. I liked that. I'm getting to know the people who live around me. I actually feel like i'm home...finally. Its such a great feeling...great community and friends that live close by. That is something that doesn't happen very often and it has taken me almost three years to achieve that. Its an absolutely wonderful feeling. Its that feeling of contentment that is washing over me at the moment.

Tuck Fexas.

I really am developing a burning passion of hatred towards the University of Texas. I mean, a wonderful burning and glowing red passion against that ugly burnt orange university. This is why. Last football season when Texas Tech played Texas at the Jones, we lost. Now, we didn't loose because of our shortcommings (mostly). We lost because the refs at the game made SEVERAL questionable calls. The short part of the story is that Coach Leach had the game reviewed by the Big12 and the NCAA, thus resulting in the expulsion of those refs. Incidentally, those same refs were the officials for the Texas Tech vs UTEP game last year. We almost lost that game too...we went into overtime eventually winning. Today, i read in the Daily Toreador (Texas Tech's newspaper), the title: "Arkansas St. coach says Big 12 acknowledged bad call in Texas win". This article just fueled the already smoldering fire of hatred that i have towards this university. UT's coach, Mack Brown stated, "When you look at calls, some go for us, some go against us...You don't worry about them and move on." He says this because HE WON! I honestly believe that Texas has thier fingers in a place where they should not be. (no sexual reference there). Just because they won one championship does not mean that they have the continuous power in the Big12. Watching them play last saturday just confirmed that hatred and that previous statement. I was not scared, i laughed. Oklahoma is a team to be alittle frightened of...with a very respectable coach and a strong program, Oklahoma is a team to watch. Which brings me to this next point, Texas Tech needs to really work and be on thier toes this season. We are still riding off of the high of last year's Insight Bowl game. But we have teams like Texas, Oklahoma, A&M, and Missouri to watchout for. This will not be an easy season...especially with Harrell getting hurt during the Texas Tech vs SMU game on Labor Day. We have our work cut out for us, but i fully believe that if we play like the Red Raiders have made thier name: Pirates of the Plains...we can be a force in the Big 12 and finally gaining some of the respect that the Big 12 tends to overlook for Tech.

I may just be an optimist or just a HUGE Red Raider fan...but that is my honest biased opinion.

Celebration.

I'm turning 21 tomorrow! I can't wait. I have alot of homework to do before hand, but 21 years baby! Another milestone in the walk we call life. And it really has been the life that i've been learning from. Learning is always the hard part...then the walk is the second hardest...

I want to say "Thank you" to all of those people who have helped me in my walk of life, however large or small your influence has been to my life...it has been an influence and I am very thankful for your touch. "so much of me is made of what i've learned from you, you'll be with me like a hand print on my heart...." (For Good, from Wicked).

-Reijn

iContent?

2007-09-04T11:59:00.001-05:00

so another week of school...and the monotomy of life begins to start on a rolling basis. You have got to love schedules and time tables and making sure your week works just right or everything goes haywire. Something interesting yet not too profound happened to me the other day. I dreampt of reality. How is that possible, you may ask. Reality doesn't truly exist if you really want to get down to the nitty-gritty. But i've been having alot of half-assedly awake dreams lately. I think its because i fall asleep with the TV on and forget to turn it off until i have to wake up. Which, that in itself brings me to this entry.

Tendencies.
I have found alot of tendencies that i lean toward...for better or for worse. I love my solitude, but i have to get my daily people fix or i'll get lonely. I like my darkness but i always like walking outside into the beautiful clear blue sunshine. Its wonderful. I also feel like I have to have things just right, the way i like them, and if they are in dissarray the world is comming to an end. I guess i have found my contentment. So to my dream. I pretty much found myself comparing my current life style and tendencies to that of Joey. This is scary to me. We both understand how he and I are very simular and see ourselves in eachother...but i honestly DO NOT want to turn out like him. Yet i find happiness in solitude and in people. I find myself waking up after a long nights rest, lonely. Yet i will chase people out of my apartment so i can be alone. Contentment in Solitude. I guess that's what you would call it.

To add to this contentment i have my electronics and animals. I love my iPod, my beautiful mac, my useful Dell, and my cute hedeghogs: Tessie and Lily. Eventhough this set up is not ideal, it is good enough for me. And I like it. Now my question is, should i be content in my situation? I am a busy college student trying to put together study groups, and attend meetings and parties...while study and get art work done...should I be too worried about my Joey-ish tendencies? I refuse to turn out like him, yet we find happiness in the same things. It may be because i'm finally content and happy with being single once again. Its a nice feeling. Its a feeling i have forgotten. My heart, soul and mind are finally healing. Maybe i'm finding contentment in the solitude of healing.

On another note...i finally went back to church Sunday...well sorta. One of my band instructors asked me to play at this church he plays at...and I did. And i was very different from what i'm used to, but rewarding none the less. I like it. Maybe i'll continue and start going back to church all together. We'll see.

Got to run!

-Reijn

A Nymph-like Perception

2007-08-30T11:51:00.000-05:00

i don't have much time to put up an entry, but i thought that i should update. I really am going to strive to get better at my blogging. I'm doing terrible. lol.

Instincts. People always talk about the female instincts. Artists throughout history has even picked up on this. During the 1880s-1930s the art world portrayed the female in the nude, touching the ground (close to earth) in a nymph-like senerio. Is the the true female form?! Is she really more in tune with the earth, with her suroundings. Many people would argue yes. They can pick up on feelings, situations, and emotions alot beter then men can. Though the best man i've seen to be able to do this same thing was on the Sci-Fi channel..."Mind Control". All he really does is pick up on subtle body language, physical essesnces, and emotional projections. He's very good at what he does. I do not claim to be that good. On top of that, James' mom can always sense when he is going to be in danger. She calls him up, tells him to get off the road and go somewhere else. He does it, and ALWAYS avoids a fatal accident. Personally, I can tell what a person is thinking, what thier intentions are, and what they want. I can feel what they feel. Now, i don't claim to be an empath...but i do claim that i can pick up and almost maniuplate a person's essence. Now, to all my Christian friends: You are all probally scared at this point, thinking that i'm wiccian. I'm not. But such as a good good catholic friend of mine said, "every religion has an "essence" like form in it. In Christianity its a Spirit or soul." I prefur to say essence because the connotation with Spirit or soul is preconcieved by the christian community. Essence is both an ambiguous and solidified term. You know what an essence is but at the same time, how do you define it. Spirit or soul, already has a definition to the Christian mind. I'm trying to avoid that.

Something that I say alot is, "your thoughts are very loud." In essence, it is the ease at which i can read your thoughts and notions. Americans are horrible at this. They allow thier thoughts to fly in every which way direction. The japanese on the other hand, is hard to get a handle on thier thoughts because they have them closed off to the rest of society. I cannot tell you how many countless times i have called one of my friends out on how loud thier thoughts are...and each and every time i can dictate exactly what they were thinking, almost to an unconcious level. Now, again, you may think i'm wierd. But let me ask you this: do you believe in the supernatural? I do. Only because i've lived in a haunted house and live in a very spirit filled city. They do exist. If they didn't, why would the Catholic church have rituals inorder to expell these spirits from our realm? Some people are more atuned to thier surroundings...whether it be supernatural or earthly bound. There are always those people who you run into who are so absent minded yet pick out the oddest and most minute details out of something. Then there are those set of people who look over the details and are focused on the big picture...forgetting whether or not that person has brown eyes or long eyelashes or not.

I guess the entire point of this was the fact that perception is not what it seems. And your thoughts are very loud today.

-Reijn

My First

2007-08-27T17:31:00.001-05:00

You always will remember your "firsts". Your first car, first dog, first day of school, first kiss, first crush, first dissapointment, first heartbreak, first love...firsts. There are rarely any seconds. These firsts impact us so much that we cannot help but be changed. Today was my first day of classes. I'm starting my junior year of college. Three years. That's a long time already...and i have another two ahead of me.

Is it possible to stand idly behind and allow things to happen. With my personality its quite difficult. I say this for afew reasons. First off, i went to my japanese class today and was scared out of my wits. I switched to a different instructor right off the back. I hope i made the right decision. Second, i am watching a good friend of mine burry himself with a revisit of a bad relationship. I personally think its the worst mistake he could make right now, but he's making it. When he dropped me off on Sunday, he had the hardest time leaving, knowing that the next day would bring his ex back into town. I haven't seen that behavior before, especially from a supposedly mature man. Thirdly, I have noticed, since joining the brass section, I have gained more numbers than when i was in the woodwind section. There are a good two or three guys that have a crush on me, and i really don't like it. Before it is all said and done, i'm going to have to tell these guys that i'm not interested in them. I hate doing that. I really do. Then at the same time, i'm sick of loosing amazing guys and having to slap the loosers on the face to leave me alone. I had such a wonderful time with james, but it just reminds me that seasons come and go, but there is a complete year ahead of me. I just hope that one of these days, and someday somewhat soon, i fall in love again...truly fall in love again, and that will be the end to all of my searching and heartache.

-Reijn

She-Ra Tomb Raider

2007-08-26T16:08:00.000-05:00

So, i understand it has been a while since i posted. And i appologize for that. I've just gotten busier and busier this summer. I worked, went to school, tried to keep a social life...and did all of that all over again. It tends to keep you busy.

Well, i'm back in Lubbock after a fun and wonderful summer. I have my own apartment, which i totally adore! I love living by myself. I get to cook for myself, i have my own shower, and i get to have my babies with me: my hedgehogs. Oh, i have a new hedgehog. Her name is Monet Lily. She is such a sweetheart. I love her to pieces. So now, i have two hedgehogs: Tessarose and Monet-Lily.

So i've been doing marching band for the past week. Funny story. I tried out again for the Goin' Band, and did not make it on piccilo. And i wasn't the first upperclassmen that didn't make it. There were about 17 of us that didn't make it. So the
band put us on Sousaphone. So yes, i'm learning how to play the tuba now. I'm having fun though. I went to the Tuba party last night. And had the time of my life. The section has nicknamed me Tomb Raider, because i wear my hair in a long braid like Laura Croft. And they call me the new Section mom, because i cook good food and i'm really the only person who does
cook. So, i'm a tuba player, that is finally accepted into the section, AND i'm getting buff carrying that thing. My shoulder is sore, but its getting stronger. My left side is more toned than my right side. Its kinda funny. So i joke with my friends that i'm going to be She-Ra by the end of the semester. Funny how all of these things work out. Oh, there is a cute guy in the Sousa section named Jeff. Funny how those J names come back to hunt me down. Anywhos, classes start tomorrow and i have t-shirt designs to draw, and other stuff to do!

have a wonderful day!

-Reijn

The Title of the Song

2007-08-24T22:45:00.000-05:00

The best and most humbling formula ever!

I promise, i will update very very soon with a real blog entry...

-Reijn

Hawaii Day 6

2007-07-12T22:07:00.001-05:00

today is our last day. We are traveling back to the main land tonight. This afternoon Peter and I went to the beach. He boogie boarded and i finally got that tan that i've been wanting this entire week. (and the minor sun burns) lol. So in other words, it was nice and shiny on the wet side of the island. It was really nice. Well, i hav to go. Need to finish packing! See you all on the flip side!

-Reijn

Hawaii Day 5

2007-07-12T03:00:00.000-05:00

Well the subtitle of this blog entry should be "Gene Pool". But I'm getting ahead of myself...

I woke up this morning to the loud boom, boom, boom...and "don't forget the towels...did you get...blah blah blah". The family that was staying above us in the condo directly above was moving out. They had several kids and they were all very very loud. so loud that they woke me up. I was very tempted to go outside and tell them to walk softly walk up and down those wooden stairs. Sound carries horribly in these condos.

My poor dad has had no vacation. He's been dealing with my grandparents all week. Thankfully he spoke up for peter and I, so we (and mom) went to Poipu to snorkle. We drove to Whale Cove and snorkled alittle bit. There was not too much to see. There were afew schools and some large fish here and there. Some scuba divers were there too, while we snorkled. Peter and I were hoping that some sea turtles would come into the cove while we were there...but it did not happen. The last time we were in Kauai, we rented a house (along with my uncle, aunt, thier families, and the grandparents) in that area. So, every evening the green sea turtles would swim into the cove for the night. Last time we were able to time it just right so we could snorkle with them. This year we weren't so lucky. There was alot of construction around, and it was very cloudy.

After afew min. of snorkling, we went back to Wiameia and had lunch there. What is a trip to the dry side of the island if we don't go to Jo Jo's shaved ice shack? This time i got strawberry with cream on top. It was sooooooo yummy. I love Jo Jo's. When i have kids i'm so talking them there and telling them of all the stories that my parents and grandparents have told me.

Mom, Peter, and I drove back to Grandma and Grandpa's apartment and went through afew more photos. I watched Dr. Phil and Judge Judy with Grandma. *sighs* I know...you don't have to say it...i was feeling it the entire time. lol. Peter inherited a family wall scroll from grandpa. I have inherited...nothing...at least not directly. I won't carry on the family name. Only Peter and our younger cousin Hale will. Mom took Peter and i back to the condo so we could swim. It was too cloudy. I tried to get some painting done, but it started raining on me. I'm so behind on my art work. That ontop of my school work that is bogging me down, i'm going to be a busy busy girl when i get back to the mainland.

We went to dinner. That is the one thing that I do enjoy, dinner. There, we get to hear all sorts of stories from Grandpa...some are tedeous and some are very interesting. I think i have descovered my "bad" streak. Grandpa. Before i go into that...Peter and I had gotten into a discussion about genetics. He has a "hitch-hiker's thumb" while i don't. He has the dominent gene (i believe) and i have the recessive. Well, i got my thumb from mom...and my finger nails. lol. During dinner we had discovered that Peter got his thumb from Grandma. They have the exact same thumb. Dad has a slight hitch-hiker's thumb. What was especially cool about this was that there were three generations present at this table...three different forms of genetics and how its been passed down. So, we could compare traits and see where it came from. We compared ear lobes, finger lengths, the bent pinkie finger...etc. It was really coold to see the progression of genetics through the generations. So, here is when Grandpa starts to talk about his "bad bad days" He said that he had learned to gamble and was quite good at it. His gambling problem became worse when he went into the military. As a kid on Ohahu, he would sneek out of his high school dormatory (boarding school) and go fishing and hunting with his buddies at night. Their teachers would be sitting on the outside of thier doors inorder to catch them in the act. So, they would climb onto the floor above them and make alot of noise inorder to draw attention to the upstairs area. Then, they would see which stair case the teachers would use, then they would use an opposite staircase and slip into thier beds. They never got caught...officially. It gets better. In the army, grandpa and his buddies would have a rule, "never give a fool as second chance". They were right. By the time they reached France, they had earned so much money from the men onboard of thier transport ship that they did not know what to do with all the money. Dad said that Grandpa taught him to never gamble by showing him (20 years after he had stopped) all the tricks he had learned. And they were good, even by today's standards. So, with all that said...my "black sheep" or "wayward child" streak...comes from my grandfather along with my stuborness...and my air elemental tendencies comes from my grandmother on my mom's sides. Funny how that all works. I guess when it really is boiled down, we are all a jumbled mess of genetics.

Tonight is our last stay here. We leave tomorrow around 11pm Hawaii time. I'll be back in SL around 12 in the afternoon, Houston time. Oh lordies, do I have alot to do!

Mahalo!

-Reijn

Hawaii Day 4

2007-07-10T22:59:00.000-05:00

Well today was alot of fun. I hung out with my mom all day.

I woke up and mom and I headed out to the Kauai Coffee Plantation. It is the biggest coffee plantation in Hawaii...and REALLY good coffee. I got such a caffene buzz off of tasting all of the different types of coffee. We toured the plantation. And learned how they make thier coffee. I bought a mug. I like it. Alot. Its a pretty mug. Mom bought me a shirt from there. Oh, we were on the dry side of the island so it didn't rain. Lots and lots of sunshine. Mom and I bought alot of coffee. One of the bags is for me when I go back to Tech. It will sit next to my Canadian coffee. lol

After coffee, we went to Wiameia. This is the town/village that my family is from. Funny thing, every store we went into asked us where we are from and once we told them our last name, they all knew who we were. Its like we are famous or something. Pretty cool. I got to look at the land my family owns and all the mangoes. It was pretty cool because one day that land may belong to me. Right now its going to my dad. We'll see if it makes it to either my or my littler brother's hands. More than likely it will belong to my brother instead of me. Tradition. I'm female. Either way, i got to see the family house and the family market, and the local church where everybody attends and where most of my family got married in. Lots of family significant value. It was pretty cool to see my "roots". And to almost be a local celebrity. Mom and I hit up the local shaved ice parlor: "Jo Jo's". OMG, it is THE best shaved ice. We both got Mango flavored with vanilla icecream at the bottom and cream poured on the top. Absolutely delicious! Very yummy. Did you know that Kauai is the inspiration for Disney's Lilo and Stitch? That shaved ice parlor is the same one in the movie. Very yummy.

After Wiameia, we went to Hanapepe, or the Art District. We went through around four different art galleries. I got to meet three artists. They were all very friendly. One even offered to let me borrow one of his canvas's. That was very generous of him. I really enjoyed this one artist's work. Her stuff is all acrilic but she painted on huge leaves and on glass. You could tell she was educated in art, because she had a totally different dynamic to her paintings that most of the other artist's works. The last artist we visited, did beautiful wood work bowls and such. He was very friendly too. He joked with me because I wore a Beatles' shirt and I am "too young" to understand who the Beatles are. (evidentally) (BS if you ask me, he was too young to know who King Cole is, but it doesn't mean he doesn't know his music). Either way, he did do beautiful wood pieces. I liked them alot. Overall, the art district was very nice. Expensive because it was art galleries and origional art, but overall quite nice. There were only afew outstanding artists there that i liked. I was able to hand out afew cards myself. I like art districts, you learn alot from them. Oh, i also picked up a bag of "red dirt" to paint with later. I would LOVE to put some Hawaiian red dirt in some of my paintings.

Anywhos, i'm going to grab some food to eat since i really haven't eaten anything all day.

Mahalo!

-Reijn

Hawaii Day 3

2007-07-10T01:24:00.000-05:00

Well, today sucked royally. I was yelled at to get out of bed. That should have been the first indicator that my day was going to go quite horribly. I logged onto Wharton's online courses and discovered to my horror that I needed my textbooks for my courses AND that i have several homework assignments and quizzes due within the next week. We'll i'm in Hawaii. *sighs* So i had to sit down and work on homework for several hours before i could go out and "play". It really sucked being responsible.

My mom came and picked me up then took me back to my grandparent's apartment. I had a bento box lunch from 7-11 there. Why can't all 7-11s have bento lunch boxes? They are SOOO good! I love bento boxes. After that, i finished my quiz and homework...while dad, peter and grandpa went to Wihamea to pick mangos. I was not happy. I wanted to pick mangos because one day, those mangos could be mine. One day that land may be my land. And i didn't get to pick mangos. I got to sit in a hot stuffy apartment room doing absolutely nothing...for several hours. This made me very pissed off. I don't like being grouped as "one of the females". Not cool. Not cool at all.

To top it all off, for dinner my grandfather ordered for everybody, and didn't ask me what i wanted to eat. He asked Peter and Dad. This is very tipical Japanese culture. Its always the males. And i'm sick of it. I've been dealing with it for three days now, and i'm so fucking sick of it. I'm also sick of my cousin's being the prefered pair. I'm sick of alot of things now. All I want to do is sit on the beach and chillax. But i have at least one more day of obligatory family buisness. Then i'm done. I'm so completely done from this bs. Because, that is what it is...a load of Bull Crap.

Anywhos...my stomach is filled and I am in my favorite spot on the patio right now. So I think i'm going to hit the bed and pretend that this day did not happen.

Mahalo

-Reijn

Hawaii day 2

2007-07-09T02:10:00.001-05:00

quickly, because i'm very very tired:

Woke up very early and went to a horribly stale church with my grandparents. It was named Kauai Baptist (i think). Both my dad and I agreed that the music was left to be desired, and the vote between my grandmother, mom, and I was that the women's study was absolutely attrotious. I mean, there was no substance to it and no continuity. Both mom and I almost fell asleep. I fought the urge to pick up my sketchbook and doodle. I really did fight the urge. lol.

After church we went out to eat at the marina. I had a traditional Hawaiian dish. It was fairly good. It wasn't anything I would have on a daily basis, but it was most definately a dish that I enjoyed and that I can say I have experianced. It rained on and off all day long. This was nice because you could see the water reflect off of all the plants and whatnot in the sunshine. Weather changes here as fast as a tumbleweed crosses your path in Lubbock, or for my Houston readers...it changes as fast as a person would say "oh shit" when they see a cop on 59. Pretty fast, i know. Though cool none-the-less.

After lunch, Dad, Mom, Peter, and I went shopping around Kauai. We went to afew Red Dirt shirt stores. Unfortunately i cannot get a shirt, because once it is washed afew times the shirt color is a burnt orange tone, and I am not allowed to wear burnt orange of any type in Lubbock. lol! Anywhos, I got a nice phonecall from a freind that i took a drawing class with last semester. Ashley is such a cool person. We are looking into the possibility of getting an apartment together. I digress...we went to an outdoor mall. And I got a red and black surong, and a really cute hawaiian outfit. I can't wait to wear it to the Goin' Band's luau that we have every summer. lol. After all of that, we went home and Peter and I went to the beach. He boogie boarded and I just sat around, took pictures, and enjoyed the scenery. It was very peaceful.

We ordered out for pizza as we all sat around the table and listened to my grandfather tell us stories. These stories are very interesting. I love seeing my grandfather smile. Whenever he smiles, its like one of those old cartoons of an old asian man grinning. That is what my grandfather looks like. He is so proud of himself when he smiles too. He told us of a story about all the birds in his backyard when they lived in Sacramento, CA. My grandparents grew a garden in thier backyard, and Grandpa would have trouble keeping the birds away. So he caught them, sprayed them down with water so they couldn't fly away. He would feel bad, so he put them underneath a huge tub to let them dry off, all the while scolding them. Can you picture, an little old asian man scolding a turned over tub filled with wet birds? I can, and its hilarious. Then he would say that he would find eggs around the yard. He would build them little houses with a little light to incubate them. Then when they would hatch, he would scold them and say, "now, don't lay your eggs here!" All awhile my grandfather is telling these stories, he is grinning and smiling. I get my high cheekbones from him. Oh, and listening to my grandparents bicker...is so funny. after 56 years of marrage, they still know how to argue with eachother and get along. Its a beautiful thing. I can only hope to keep the type of grace they have with thier marrage, in myown.

Well, its late and Peter is watching american soccer leage on TV while sitting in the massage chair. I am about to go to bed. Its been a long day.

Miss you all, and wish you were ALL with me here. We would have so much fun! Maybe next time! *huggles*

-Reijn

Hawaii Day 1

2007-07-07T21:10:00.000-05:00

I woke up today to the sounds of birds and the ocean. Then my brother took a shower or something like that and it was really really loud. I went into the kitchen and made myself a breakfast of fresh mangos and banana nut bread and kauai coffee. I took it out onto the padio and ate my breakfast in the cool Hawaiian breeze. I watched a bird come down and sit beside me. He looked almost like a cardnal, but abit more brown. He just flew down onto the chair right next to me. Looked at me for a good 30 seconds or so then decided that i wasn't interesting enough company....then flew off. I was also having a silent conversation with a lizard this morning. He was sitting on a palm tree not too far from me. He showed me his red neck dance. Then he would look at me as if to say, "do you like it baby?" He would then proceed to twist and scratch his nose on the tree trunk. For a good 30 min. or so i watched him. It was a very enjoyable and relaxing morning.

If you haven't been able to figure it out yet, but I am taking a vacation in Hawaii right now. I can't begin to tell you how relaxing it is. It is something that i have been needing to do for a very very long time. All the stress from the last year is finally away. I sat in the massage chair in the town home we are renting, and it really helped taking the knots and whatnot out from my back. A nice warm shower after that and now i am on the computer updating all of you. I love wireless! lol. EItherwhos...I'll be here for the next week or so. And i'm really loving it. It is really really relaxing. I have forgotten that you don't need airconditioning in Hawaii...just open the windows! lol!

Well that is all for now! Enjoy yourselves!

-Reijn

One Sandwich short of a Picnic

2007-06-13T01:09:00.000-05:00

so i am finally getting around to posting a new entry here in my blog. Its been a log time now hasn't? I got really busy right off the back, so i really haven't had time to update...but here i go.

So i work. Alot. I work at the framing shop that i worked at around 3 years ago. My boss loves me. I bring in alot of revinue to the store, and my customs are great even if they suck. lol. I also am on call for two other places: a pet store and my friend's recording studio. I like them both. They are lots of fun to work at. And i get payed alot. lol. Its nice to finally have money in the bank account and not to be constantly broke.
I also go to school. Community college is a joke. Just one step up from high school if even that. But at least i get the credit. I'm working hard not to completely fail my biology class. Eventhough it is a fairly easy course...its kicking my butt. Biology has never been a strong point for me. Science in general sucks alot for me too.

I've been consumed with my art show. If i could just stay home and work on my art that would be just fine with me. But i can't always do that. And i'm horribly behind. I have an ass load of mirrors to work on, and i only have one partially done. I have been getting alot of positive feedback on this show. Which is really scarying me. I'm not prepared for it at all and alot of people have already made it a point to come to it. I don't know if thats a good or a bad thing. I'm so very behind. I need to buckle down and really get to it. *sighs* There just aren't enough hours in the day. And by 11 o'clock i am exausted and fall asleep. That's sad, even for me. lol

I've made an awsome new friend. His name is James. We have such a grand time together. He is also one of those people who i can be completely honest and myself around. We can make all sorts of jokes and pranks on eachother. I call him Puppy Loki, or JD and he calls me Kitten. We have fun. The other day, we were driving around Town Center and we were stuck at a three way stop. The problem with Town Center and most of the Houston area, is that everybody is in a rush to somewhere and don't abide by driving laws and common curtacy. We were turning right to go to Jamba Juice when another car didn't wait thier turn. James stopped the car, pointed at the other driver and said a distinct, "No" while giving a face scorn like you would to a bad puppy or three year old child. Just by pointing and stating "No" and the occasional, "ahh ahh...no...ahh" the other car stopped, probally in shock, and let us pass. I started laughing so hard. How many times do you see a college aged boy tell a grown adult "no" and espeically when it come to houston drivers. Absolutely hilarious. I have introduced James to alot of things: my cooking, Millennium, Jamba Juice, Its a Grind, On the Boarder, Texas Tech, Eddie Izzard, and the Tudors. We do have a grand time hanging out. Its nice to have someone alot like me, with the same likes and dislikes to just hang out with, no pressure. It feels good.

I have a new matress pad for my bed. It feels wonderful. SLEEP! finally. Though my back is hurting like the dickens. I really strained a muscle or something. Its so bad, i think i may have to go to the doctor for it. It hurts pretty bad.

I am behind on my reading. I am behind on my art. I don't study as much as I should. I don't sleep as much as I should. I'm so addicted to caffene its really bad now. I want a better tan and a better figure. I drive way too fast on 59 going to school in the mornings. I still have not found a place to live in lubbock and its really bothering me. I need a home! *cries* Ummmm...I cleaned Tessie's cage out today. She was not happy with me at first, but once she was in her new clean cage and a bath for herself, she was happy.

Well, I think thats enough for now. I really want to keep up with this. I'm so bad about it. I have more stories to tell. Alot has happened in this past month.

Hope your summer is going as well as mine!

-Reijn

Up and Out...wait...finals...

2007-05-05T10:54:00.000-05:00

well, i'm slacking off majorly. I'm done with my classes. not really. But i am half way done with my finals and i'm starting to pack up my room. I have everything packed up except for my bed, my clothes and my computer. Not too shabby. Betty, my roommate, is leaving today. I am going to miss her oddly enough. We don't talk often but we get along. She took me out to breakfast this morning. It was really sweet of her. She is moving to Amarrillo for the rest of her college carreer. She is going to be a Pharmacist, and the Pharmacy school for Tech is at the Amarrillo campus. I really am going to miss her since i probally won't see her again, or much for that matter. We are going to try to have lunch some time in houston over the summer. Its going to be lonely in this room for the next couple of days. My goal is to try to get out by monday evening. I will end up staying with a friend Monday night and Tuesday night. My parents are comming up to pick me up and a friend Tuesday, and we are leaving on Wednesday. I should be back in SL and functioning by Thursday. Wow...thats alot of dates. Anyways...i don't like moving. I don't like it at all. Most of my stuff is going into storage, which will be nice. I'm going to live off campus next year, and i cannot wait! I'm so done with the dorms! *nods*

Well, *sighs* Betty is running around the room finishing up. I'm about to leave to check out my storage unit. And i have an exam today. I will talk to you all later, more than likely in Houston.

*huggles*

-Reijn

Thoughts, Words, and That's just too Bad.

2007-05-01T19:58:00.000-05:00

A friend introduced this to me today. I fell in love with the song. I never thought that what i felt and what i've been struggling with and living with and so much more could actually be put into a song. And it can. This song did it. This is Jon McLaughlin's
"Beautiful Disaster".

On another note. School is ending. Dead day is tomorrow. And i wanted to leave lubbock with these:

"Lubbock...a really strange, fucked up, beautiful place, ugly as hell, full of good people and its share of narrow-minded assholes, and the only culture seemed to be agriculture. The creative people around that area somehow turned this wierdness into art, and maybe into something beautiful." --Bale Creek Allen

"Driving from Houston, on my way to Lubbock, Texas, I see the city first as a daydream. I see it as a prospect, a mistake, a loose button. I imagine Lubbock in the way I imagine all of West Texas: a city in sad, blown through with wind; maybe a place of odd epiphany or roadside flat-tire theater. In prospect I see Lubbock as a wind pushing mile-wide clouds across a clean, dry sky. A wind that blows grit into your teath and crunches when you smile or wince; Lubbock on everything, that wind organized garbage against chain link; that opens doors slowly like a child. Driving, I imagine a river running through the middle of Lubbock that Lubbock does not have. It is a terrible river. A river whose flooding the citizens sandbag against; a river they all root for the most beautiful girl in town to drown in. Lubbock, then, is an inside joke, is a guitar string the moment before it snaps and curls, and most importantly, is on the map." --George McCormick

two interesting quotes, but its exactly how people who live in this west texas "oasis" believe and feel. Everything is contradicotry to itself while it all makes sence and always will. But wierdly enough, i call this place my temporary home. And it feels more comfortable than my life back in Houston. Houston is a great city, but Lubbock is peaceful. Peace is what i need in my life.

I was realizing the other day that there are alot of robins that live in on campus. It reminds me of alot of walks in the parks at the Zoo in San Antonio. It also reminds me alot of my childhood. Life was so much simpler. All i had to choose was between colored pencils and markers, not work, school, friends, guys, and such. I'm just ready to get stuff situated so that everything runs alot smoother than it does now. I don't know. I was going to write a huge thing and really explain stuff, but all of asudden i have been hit with the depressed bug. *sighs*

have a great whatever.

-Reijn

Painting Nymphs

2007-04-21T22:21:00.000-05:00

i was talking to a friend the other night about the nature of artists. He was saying that artists are egotistical, stuck up, pretentious, elitis creatures. I was saying that artists are egotistical, pretentious, earthen creatures, like nymphs. It was interesting how we viewed the same group of people just slightly differently. I still say that artists are nymph-like creatures. And this is why: every time i have hung out with true artists, they celebrate life through thier own being, they love life, they are free loving creatures, most of them smoke, drink, and party, and they view the world with very different eyes. Artists are the personification of the spirit of the earth, in my opinion.

another conversation my friend and i were having was the idea of influence of art upon other artists. He beleives that art history should not be taught because other artist will just take thier ideas and not come up with thier own original style. I said that i could not respect that. He wanted his art to be untouched and uninfluence by outside fingers. He didn't want any other form of art to be a part of his art. And i could not respect that because artists learn and influence eachother, and everything in the world influences other things...you can't run from influence. He would rather have his stuff boxed up and box himeself up rather than learn and grow and show his work. I cannot respect that. I believe that you have to learn about art history and other artists, inorder to learn and grow as an artist yourself. You will absorb other artist's stuff then run with that and create something original to you. I do believe in learning art history. But i also believe in knowing yourself as an artist...but that takes time. That is most definately something that I am still developing.

So to my wonderful readers...you have been presented with both sides of the argument...what is your opinion?
What is an artist: Earth bound or Elitist?
Is learning Art History important or harmful?

-Reijn

Painted Orange

2007-04-19T13:04:00.000-05:00

i'm drawing and painting again. Its really nice. Though, all of my paint brushes are crap, and i'm out of money. lol. Bravo, Reijn...the life of a starving artist...lol. I am still looking into putting on an art show this summer. The gallery that my friend gave me info to seems pretty shady. And by that, thier resident artists are crap. There are about three that i really like thier art. And the gallery's fee's are things that i can't afford right now. I'm still going to take images and send it in, and see what they think. I think i'm going make the theme as "Higher Learning". or something like that. I'm also thinking about allowing two other of my friends to join me in this show. Therefore, we can cut the costs of printing things and such down between the three of us. Ideally, i would like to rent out a small warehouse or space, and use that. I'm going to look into it, and we'll see what i can put together. I need to start getting busy and really paint stuff now...on top of all of my studies. lol, i don't want to study, i want to paint. I guess this is a good thing. Well, there isn't much to say right now. I would like to talk more about last weekend and how wonderful it was, but i'm overshadowed by VT.

"From one Tech to another, We are all Hokies"

-Reijn

Prayers

2007-04-16T23:20:00.000-05:00

Our prayers go out to all VT students.

(original post will be postponed until later)

-Reijn

Art Thursday!!!

2007-04-12T12:55:00.000-05:00

its Thursday. I'm headed back to Arlington this evening for the opening of Ulterior Motiefs no. 10. I can't wait...a nother weekend filled with art and fun times! Oh i can't wait. I had such a wonderful time last weekend, and now i get to see all the work that we did, showed off. Oh, the show is going to be so good! I'm excited. I really don't know what to say, i'm so excited! *dances* happiness. I love being an artist...i love the life of an artist. This is going to be my life! I've so decided!

Have a wondeful weekend my dears!

-Reijn

Things I learned in College

2007-04-11T17:11:00.000-05:00

Quarters are like gold.

quarters=laundry

Flip-flops become as important as soap, and shampoo.

i never leave without my tech flip flops, i get sad during the winter...because i can't wear them

Asleep by 2:30 AM is an early night.

sad but true

New additions to the food groups: Sprite and Peanut M&Ms

i swear, they are like crack

Make sure your alarm clock has back-up batteries.

Duct tape heals all wounds.

Showers become less important....or even more coveted

god, i love showers

Sleep becomes more important.

sleep is loved even more!

10 minutes is more than enough time to get ready for your first class.

Going to the mailbox was never an ego-booster (or ego-breaker) before.

You begin to nap again.

naps rock my world

The book your professor wrote is always required for his class.

E-mail becomes your second language.

Frat parties are exactly like they are in the movies.

Ten-page papers used to sound impossible, now they're a Godsend.

You never realized so many people are smarter than you.

You never realized so many people are dumber than you.

Professors are like celebrities: you see them, but they never see you.

Bum rides, money, notes and snacks as much as you can get them.

so sadly true!

Don't burn bridges, especially if he's good in Biology.

Plain pasta never constituted a complete meal before.

The health service attendants are there because they couldn't make it in a real hospital, never ever forget that.

Forget putting the toilet seat down, you just pray that they flush.

Frisbee becomes a contact sport.

Care packages rank up there with birthdays.

College girls are the same as high school girls - just with more freedom, and no curfew.

Pop a vitamin and breakfast is covered.

Learn to love your roommate, especially when he leaves you the room.

You always thought that worshipping the porcelain god was just an expression, but it's not.

Printers only break down when you desperately need them.

Even though the beds are long, they are also extra narrow.

Things that were a huge deal in high school are now commonplace.

You never thought you would share so much about yourself with people you have known for such a short time.

Computer games go in and out faster than the latest fashions.

Any game can be made into a drinking game.

Disney movies are more than just classics.

Find one thing you like in the dining hall and go with it.

You will hear more stupid nicknames than you ever thought possible.

Phone calls almost never happen and when they do, you just don't get the messages.

Cereal makes a meal any time of day.

Keep your high school term papers; nowadays, everything is recycled.

ATMs are the devil's advocate.

Beware the boy in the Care Bear toga.

You almost forget how to drive.

that actually happened to me!

You'll drink anything if it's free.

People still cheat; it's just more technologically advanced.

You get really good with excuses for skipping class.

The boy you're going to marry may live right next door, so keep your stereo down.

Ordering food at 1 AM is a common occurrence.

if things were open, hell yes...i would be ordering food early in the morning!

You never realized how cool you can be.

TV becomes a bigger time sucker than ever before.

cartoon network is my downfall

You realize how great your hell summer job was once you have to study.

Keys have never been so important, yet you seem to lose them more than ever before.

me in the mornings: "now where the fuck are my keys? Goddamn it. Where are they...5 min later...oh here they are...damn...i'm late."

You meet the type of people you only thought existed in the movies.

You learn to sleep with light, noise, extreme temperatures, roommates snoring, and even during marching band rehursal!

i actually fell asleep in the stands while the band was practicing in full swing. Tyler had to poke me awake...that's how out of it i was.

You don't have to cover your textbooks anymore.

You become a juggler with the balance between school, friends, boys, activities, work, parties.

You live for chicken finger day at the cafeteria.

People that were geeks in high school seem okay now.

You begin to realize that college is about the ideal lifestyle, except for those pesky classes.

You get good at rationalizing on whether to do homework or not.

i love being an art and english major, very little homework

Procrastination becomes an art.

Jeans may be worn as many times as the wearer desires.

me: *looks at jeans* *ponders: these jeans are two days old, who has seen me in them...* "well, i'm going to art class today...they are going to get charcol on them...one more day won't hurt."

The only reason you ever dress up is when everything else is dirty.

With all the wealth of knowledge around you, you start to feel like you're on intellectual welfare.

Going to the mini-mart is a major treat.

Amount of alcohol consumed is inversely proportional to grade point average.

You have two kinds of shoes: everyday shoes and party shoes.

Classes: the later the better.

I actually like morning classes, wierd i know.

The cute boys actually talk to you now.

Care packages make it all worthwhile.

that, and money. lol

The longer you're there, the less you talk about home.

Always wear your safety goggles. They're not kidding.

You don't learn last names.

Card games never lasted for hours before.

Vacuuming happens every semester, if you get around to it.

Boys will dance in college.

People who never talked to you in high school are now your best friends when you come home.

You are NEVER alone.

It's amazing how late you can stay up doing absolutely nothing, yet falling asleep in class or in the library takes an average of two seconds.

yeah, why is that!

You spend a ridiculous amount of time pondering the mystery of whether the Lucky Charms in the cafeteria are the real thing.

People magazine is your deep philosophical reading material.

You begin to subdivide your room into sections such as den, library, etc. to make it sound like a house.

All you have to do to make new friends is have mom send some cookies.

You never realized how quiet your house was.

or how noisy and busy. I lock myself in my room to get away from all the comotion!

Dishes aren't dirty enough to wash until they have bugs and / or mold in them, or pile so high in the sink that you can't turn the water on.

You get along so much better with your family now that you never see any of them, or not.

me? get along with my family? never happens.

Your life will never be the same again.

so true!

So i'm going to add afew of my own:

Caffene is your friend.

Your clothing style is in direct conjunction with how you are feeling that day.

How did you ever live without facebook!

You automatically look for your school colors in everything you do.

comfort food. enough said!

when leaving for home, you have to make sure you have your ipod, cell phone, laptop, and camera battery charger...then home land security always goes through your bags because of all of the charger wires.

If it doesn't have to get done right then, it can wait until 3:00 in the morning.

-Reijn

my dad

2007-04-10T20:43:00.000-05:00

For all you Star Trek TNG fans:

Me: Whats that klingons name!?
Derek: Warf!!! You can't remember WARF!?
Me: yeah him, he reminds me of my dad.

i grew up with star trek, so yes, i'm a trekie, but not a crazy one. I still watch it on Spike every afternoon. But everytime i see Warf, he remindes me of my dad...the same sence of humor and stoicness. lol.

-Reijn

Cloud 9 Painted Orange

2007-04-10T12:58:00.000-05:00

"the beaten, half-starved-for-honest-affection-looking-through-the-window-longing-just-to-be-held-pleading-for-someone-to-notice-her-but-too-proud-to-admit-it girl" You touched my heart Brandon. Thank you so much. You really are a great friend...and it is how i feel most of the time. Good friends like you, know when to call me out on shit...and this is most definately one of them.

So my weekend. AMAZING! LIke i stated below, i found my calling. I am seriously on cloud nine! Art is going to be my life. Hanging out with the Wheeler Brothers and working with them this weekend was amazing...and a huge inspiration.

We left Lubbock on Thursday in a huge U-Haul Truck. Jeff picked me off and then we were off. We made our way down to BC Gilbert's studio and show room in Witchita Falls, Texas. We hung out there and picked up BC's art work for the Arlington and Gerald Peter's show(s). We went and got burgers and grabbed acouple of beers, and just hung out all night long. Jeff and I stayed in Witchita Falls for the night. We left around noon the next day (Friday) and headed to Arlington. We arived at the Stanford House in Arlington and just chilled for the rest of the day. Jeff finished off some art work, i did reasearch for a CD cover for my dear friend Tan. Saturday was the big day for us all. Brian, Jeff, and I got up at the crack of dawn then made our way to Gerald Peters Gallery. Brian and I were dying for a good cup of Starbucks coffee. We finally found one after we dropped off stuff at Gerald Peters. Brian, Jeff, and I went and grabbed some lunch. Let me say here, sitting in between those two in the U-Haul truck...is most definatley the craziest experiance that i have ever had. they are a bunch of crazy sons of bitches. lol. After lunch we headed back to the Arlington Art Museum. From there we spent a good 10 hours unpacking, placing, rearranging, hammering, screwing, of art pieces and installation pieces. Let me say here. It was the best thing that i could have ever done for myself. I hung pieces from Rauschenbuerg, Julie Speed, Jo Harvey Allen, Patrick Medrano, the Art Guys, Wayne Gilbert, BC Gilbert, the Wheeler Brothers and many more...like around 70 pieces of art work are present at this show. It was exhilerating to say the least. Another statement that i believe that needs to be said here, was watching the Wheeler brothers work. It is true, they have a work ethic like no other. And its so contagous and inspiring. But don't get me wrong, Jeff and Brian are also some of the laziest sillies i have ever met too. If they don't HAVE to do it, they won't. lol. Funny group of guys. Over all, through all the set backs of the other workers there (won't say thier name) and the hard working volenteers...we got almost everything done Sunday night. Yes, Sunday night. Now, through out all of this work, i got dragged into watching the Masters Tournament, since both Brian and Jeff are huge golf fans. I argued baseball with Brian because i'm an Astros fan and he's a Rangers fan. Oh, Brian and I also talked music alot. It was fun. I learned quite a bit from that too. Overall, this entire trip was the best thing that has ever happened to me. I worked my ass off as well as relaxed.

I'm going back to the opening of the show next weekend. Its going to be so much fun. I'm so psyced out. The entire experiance was amazing. We left Monday afternoon, took a stop at Half Price Books in Arlington, then drove back to Lubbock...and back to reality. *sighs* so is life, isn't it.

Happy painting...or "what ever makes you happy"

-Reijn

This is Who I Am

2007-04-08T16:18:00.000-05:00

i found my calling. I am going to be a real artist. I am going to put on shows, and one day, be able to hang my stuff along side The Art Guys and people like that. I want to drink beer and paint. I want to do my art, and smile at the ohhhs and ahhhs...then look at the nice payceck in my hand. lol I want to be able to run around a gallery and see my art, and run around the art world and know all these other amazing artists. Its what i want to do. It is what i want my life to be. It is what i want. This is my calling. This is me. And with my sweat and blood, i will make it happen. I will be an artist!

This trip has been the best thing that has ever happened to me. I will tell you all about it when i get back. It was amazing!

-Reijn

oh, happy Easter everybody. This is the second easter that i have spent away from my parents. The first was when i was in my freshman year in HIgh School. I spent Easter in NYC, and this year i'm in Arlington, Texas.

Out of Focus

2007-04-04T14:58:00.000-05:00

i've realized that this moving on process hurts more than i remember. I really don't want to do it, and i tend to latch myself onto a memory or a hope inorder to get past the pain and the thought of loneliness. I don't understand why i'm feeling like this. I used to be able to move on from relationships and live my life, but this time is different. It has all been different since my relationship with Joey. He taught me how to Love and what it actually felt like...to feel the pure blindness of it all, and how to enjoy it. Now it seems like every relationship encounter after Joey tends to be in search for that same feeling, for better or usually for worse, at least recently. Its just growing pains i realize, but do you remember when you used to wake up at night and your legs ached and all you wanted to do was go back to sleep? All i want to do is go back to sleep or wake up and be comnpletely awake, not drousy and in pain. *sighs* I guess this is life? With this on top of tests and school work...and such...man. I'm tired and stressed out.

I honestly can't forget, and a part of me doesn't want to, but the other part beggs for it. I can't shake the feeling or the memories. I don't know if its good. I don't know alot of things right now. And right now, it is so hard focusing on my homework.

-Reijn

Status to Single

2007-04-02T21:05:00.000-05:00

so i guess i'm officially back on the market, for dating. I don't like it, nor do i want to admit it. I always hate this period. I don't like the looking and the searching. *sighs* But it must be i guess...whoever is the next guy, don't break my heart. Don't be like all the rest. Don't make me cry...thats all i ask of you.

-Reijn

Friend Filled Fun

2007-03-31T00:51:00.000-05:00

so, my wonderful friend Tanya from middle school is here visiting me at Tech. She is going to try to transfer here. If she does, oh my goodness, life will be so amazing! It would be so much fun to have my best friend from middle school back at the same school with me. Its been wonderful having her here in lubbock. I've been showing her the campus. We haven't really left campus much because it has rained alot. So, maybe tomorrow. We are going to hit up the Strip, and one of my band friend's Senior Siminar Art History Thesis Lecture. Its going to be fun. I'm excited.

My friend Jonathan is here too. We hung out alittle bit but not much. *sighs* I want to hang out with him more, but he's been busy with other friends and i understand that.

My friend Terrence is in Galveston surfing right now. I'm jealous. So jealous. lol

-Reijn

Spring Fling

2007-03-27T13:05:00.000-05:00

Well, my goal...which i hope works...is to at least write more on this. I just tend not to write anymore, and that is horrible for me. I need to at least just write. Now, i have decided to keep most of my personal life out of this blog now. My personal life has been a jumbled mess for the past year, and i've just decided to not talk about it anymore. Its not worth the pressure or the heart ache that goes along with it. I want to define this blog again. I want it to be a forum inwhich thoughts and ideas can be discussed and a form inwhich free writing is in confidentiality between you the reader and me the writer.

I was walking from the Mass Communications Building to Holden Hall (the history building of sorts), and the campus is alive with flowers. All the trees are blooming and the grounds keepers planted tulips all across campus. Spring on campus is my favorite season by far. I love looking at the yellow and red tulips. Also, when the Lubbock breeze runs across the pettals of all the blooming flowers, the air is so sweet. Its been a long time since i have smelled sweet air. It was quite enjoyable actually. The last time i smelled sweet air was alittle over 4 years ago, when my family and i took a trip to Hawaii for my grandparent's 50th wedding anniversary. All the flowers and fruit in the clean air. Oh, it was wonderful. I am looking forward to going back this summer...swimsuit shopping! that's for sure. lol! I am going to enjoy Hawaii like it is ment to be enjoyed...lol. Last time i didn't enjoy it as much, but this year will be different. lol.

Anywhos, a nap is in order for me so, have a wonderful spring day!

-Reijn

my panic button

2007-03-22T14:45:00.000-05:00

what can you stomach? What throws you into a panic attack? For me, its the Holicaust. I cannot stomach it at all. Everytime i am faced with the aspect of studying it, i loose my self control. Now, don't get me wrong. I have studied it and i believe that it happened. I've been to the National Holicaust Museum in Washington DC, i've read "Night" and i've studied the subject over and over. But the result is the same, i am thrown into a panic attack and my stomach churns. Maybe i was Jewish in a different life, maybe my heart is so big that i cannot fathom the brutality that happened, maybe the fact that it was so brutal that my brian cannot understand the fact of the matter, maybe i cannot seperate myself from that pain and horror. Whatever it is, it is...and i can't help but think that people that have a fasination with the Holicaust are sick sick people.

So what is your panic trigger?!

-Reijn

Past. Present, and Future

2007-03-07T17:28:00.000-06:00

its funny how these things work out. So, Jonathan is back from South Korea and it is so nice to have him home. I've missed him. I didn't realize how much until he came back. Then for some odd reason i had a feeling and messaged an old friend from gaia. We've been totally catching up on life. And it has been an amazing experiance. I've missed his friendship and compainionship alot within the past two years. Has it really been that long? It has. Wow...senior prom. That was a long time ago...my how time flies when life is a sucky ball of stress. I'm enjoying every minuite of spending time talking with them. They mean so much to me. I love my boys! I love them to death, and i totally forget that fact, way too many times. *sighs* At least things are on the upswing with my friends. *nods*

Spring break plans have been fucked up. So i'm trying to make other plans. I don't know how well its going to be though. I'm trying. We'll see.

I'm tired. Its been a long week and its going to be longer. Its only Wednesday. *cries*

-Reijnn

Reality

2007-02-27T09:42:00.000-06:00

A Message From The President

A Statement to the Texas Tech Family

When I became president of Texas Tech four
years ago, I announced that my highest priority
was putting people first. The people I referred to
are those who make up the Texas Tech family:
students, faculty, staff, alumni and friends. I was
obviously most focused upon those who spend
their time living, working and learning on this
campus.

Communicating with the Texas Tech family has
always been my highest priority. Because of
recent inappropriate pictures posted on the internet
that have been painful for members of the Texas
Tech family, I feel compelled to reach as many of
you as possible with my thoughts on how we
respond to people we perceive as different from
us on this campus.

I would like to restate the importance of the core
values that define this university. These are
integrity, dignity, civility, compassion, and
diversity. These values help define ethical
standards in human intercourse, and at Texas
Tech they are the foundation for achieving our goal
of academic excellence. Our mission as a
university involves teaching these values and how
they engender respect for other people and other
cultures, their customs and their contributions.

It is my hope that all people associated with Texas
Tech University become more attuned to the many
positive dimensions of a diverse society and to the
lifelong benefits of exploring and celebrating a
variety of diverse cultures and appreciating people
with different experiences and worldviews than
our own.

I think it is time for this campus to open a
discussion on issues of diversity and equality so
that all members of our community can express
their opinions and seek to learn something from
each other. While the staff of Mentor Tech and the
Center for Campus Life have met with concerned
students on several occasions, I have asked my
Special Assistant for Institutional Diversity, Dr.
Juan Munoz, to immediately organize a series of
meetings for the purpose of gathering student,
faculty, and staff input on how Texas Tech can
best address issues surrounding the importance of
diverse cultures in a learning community.

I hope you will plan to attend and ask your friends
and associates to attend as well. The results of
these sessions will be a series of
recommendations which I will review for
implementation.

The hallmark of all great universities is that they are
bastions of open communication and communities
that champion debate and the free exchange of
ideas. Texas Tech must be a place where
freedom to think, to question, to criticize, to invent,
and to create are woven into its rich tapestry of
traditions and values.

The free exchange of ideas on our campus
requires that we give special attention to issues
that could divide us and damage our campus. I
hope you will join me in a discussion on diversity at
these upcoming sessions. Look for details of the
meeting locations and times in Daily Toreador ads
and on TechAnnounce.

Jon Whitmore

now to be brutally honest at my beloved university. This is a load of bull. It is honestly some of the biggest load of bull i have read in a long time. And this is why. Tech is not diverse, nor is it open to new ideas and different cultures. They are not open to other people's views on religion and politics. Tech is a conservative bubble that needs to wake up. Lubbock has some of the highest STD rates in the nation, as well as this city is probally the most homosexually oriented city in west texas. Its just all hidden, it has to be inorder for it to exist. The "exchange of ideas" does not happen worth crap, and i'm actually insulted at the fact that my university is so oblivious to a blaring fact. That Tech and Lubbock is painfully conservative. It kinda remindes me of my life at home. Its something that my good dear friend Jonathan and i have been talking about lately. That we tend to be a certian type of person around our friends and families at home, but when we are actually amongst people most like us, we are totally different. Its a sad existance, but sometimes it is one that needs to be just for the fact that the fear of our parents totally going haywire haunts our thoughts on a constant basis. Its simular to Tech. I think tech has to keep this nieve front while the students bring light to the actual university. crazy, but it makes sense in my head. *nods*

-Reijn

Mascot Maddness

2007-02-21T21:37:00.000-06:00

so the university of Illinios is saying "good bye" to thier mascot: Chief Illiniwek. The university was put on a list put out by the NCAA over having mascots that are "offencive". Chief Illiniwek is scheduled to dance his last dance this wednesday at the mens basketball game against Michigan.

This made me think about mascots and tradition. At Tech, we have three mascots. We have two official and one unofficial. Our two officiall is the Masked Rider and Raider Red. The unofficial one is the Pirate, thus dubbing us now "the Pirates of the Plains". Many schools who have a person and animal as the mascot have a huge tradition when it comes to Universities. Schools like USC trojans, Texas Tech madators, Oklahoma State cowboy...and Illinios, all have humans as thier mascots, and in this case, a human riding a horse. To be one of these mascots are incredibly important to the student body and a huge honor. I've thought about trying out for the masked rider, since i know how to ride fairly well. But if i made it, i wouldn't be able to be in the Goin' Band. But either way, i don't believe that the NCAA has the right to "pressure" universities to retire thier mascots. The NCAA made rules that the band could not be within the 20-20 yard markers, in the stands. The director of the Goin' band and other high ranking members of Texas Tech decided to see what the NCAA will do about moving 450+ members out of thier seats. We moved over about 3 yards, if that's any consolation. Eitherway, i ramble. The NCAA does not have a right to impose themselves on the traditions and loyalties that have developed at a university. The love that the students have for thier mascots and school is some of the most die-hard loyalties that i have ever been a part of. I am feel pride when i done-on my marching uniform, catch a picture of Raider Red, and i see the sea of red in the Jones. If the NCAA tries to take that way from me, there will be hell to raise!

Some info on the Masked Rider and other mascots of Tech:

The Masked Rider:
George Tate '37 shocked football fans when he and a trusty palomino named Tony or Silver, depending on where you look, led the football team onto the football field then just as quickly fled the scene. Tate, whose identity was kept a secret, borrowed a pair of cowboy boots from his roommate and sported a scarlet satin cape made by the Home Economics Department. He had been coaxed by pals to sneak a horse from the Tech barn and to make the first appearance as the mysterious Red Raider. Tate was quoted in the Nov. 4, 1984, issue of The Dallas Morning News as saying that Arch Lamb, who was then the head yell leader of the Saddle Tramps, "dreamed up this Red Raider thing." The prank was pulled a few more times that season but didn't surface again until the 1950s, when another Tech student was approached about creating a mascot. Read here for more information.

Raider Red:
Raider Red is Texas Tech’s costumed mascot. Before the 1971 football season, the Southwest Conference passed a rule which restricted the bringing of live animal mascots to out of town games. Thus, the Masked Rider, Tech’s official mascot, would not be able to travel representing the university. Jim Gaspard, a member of the male spirit organization, Saddle Tramps, created the Raider Red character from drawings from Dirk West to represent Tech at away football games.
Read here for more information.

The Pirate:
Here is where it all got started, and became a staple for the Texas Tech football team.

-Reijn

Would you like Cheese?

2007-02-21T20:53:00.000-06:00

Mysteries of the Sexes Explained

Provided by

What Scares a Man?
Posted by David Zinczenko
on Thu, Feb 08, 2007, 12:02 pm PST

You probably think you know what frightens most men. A long-weekend at the in-laws' place. Antiquing. Running out of beer in the third quarter. But that's just the stuff he'll admit to being afraid of, which, by definition, means they're not his true deep fears. So how can you determine what those are? Easy: They're the ones he'll almost never talk about. But I will.

Let's count down through the Scary Fifteen:

#15 Hair in the drain. The first sign of male pattern baldness brings a man face-to-follicle with a skimpy aspect of his future. And it's always earlier than he expects or wants (which is, like, never). Logically, men know that baldness is as much of a part of life as Leno making Britney jokes. Logically, men know that being bald doesn't mean that they're any less smart, virile, or successful. Logically, men know that women don't care how much hair their men have. Logically, men know there are plenty of bald men who are comfortable in their skin--no matter how much of it they're showing. But when it first happens, it feels like stepping on a scale and being 20 pounds heavier or waking up in high school with a quarter-sized nose pimple. It's the inevitable and uncontrollable change in appearance that men try so desperately to protect. Maybe even more importantly, this moment when a man starts losing his hair says a lot about him-whether he's cool enough to handle it, or anxious enough to attempt to deny it with combovers, Rogaine, or faith healers.

its understandable, its the same thing as when females realize that they are getting shorter or finding a wrinkle.

#14 Getting caught noticing another woman. A man's instinctual response to visual stimulation very rarely has anything to do with his current relationship or how he feels about it. But his lizard brain reacts instantly, and before he knows he's doing it, he's looking at someone else. We hate having to explain behaviors that even we don't fully understand.

women do it too, we just don't say anything or look much more sneekily. So stop complaining. The ones who understand are the ones worth keeping.

#13 Rejection. Doesn't matter whether it happens after a job interview, or at a bar, or on the basketball court. And remember, there's a difference between losing and being outright rejected. Men can handle losing a game or having a bar conversation disintegrate into nothing. But the proud creatures that men are, they hate having their shots blocked. Mainly, that's because it means that someone else has the upper hand-and is gloating about it.

i hate it too, you aren't the only ones

#12 Super Nanny.

scary!

#11 Speedos.

even more scary!

#10 His dad's death. It's his most powerful moment of a reflection, as he thinks about his own mortality. Becoming the family patriarch is heavy stuff. For many men, it's a life-changing moment, because they think about what their fathers did for them and what they failed to do. The next step: Considering what they need to do to be better dads and better men themselves--which means they must confront their own failures, as well. That's a lot for a grief-stricken man to deal with. He should get some latitude to do that in his own way. For him, reaching out may be through what seem like misdirections--more chatter about fishing with friends, an extra set of tickets to the Phillies showdown with the Mets. But guys need a reason to get together; the talk will come during a slow point in the 6th inning, or in the car on the way home.

understood. I would feel the same if my dad died. I love him to death...i really look up to him in many ways. But at the same time, its nothing to be scared of...its a fact of life and part of God's plan.

#9 Her tears. Men know it's natural, that women need to do it, and that it's a signal that they better provide something more than just a tissue-even though many men have no clue what that something might be. Men have been told that women cry for all kinds of reasons-to release some emotions, to get our attention, or just because dammit, The Bachelor rose ceremony is so stinkin' sad. Men want to do the right thing, but because men don't navigate those falling waters very often, they probably do the wrong thing more often than not. Which is another reason why they fear her emotional tsunami.

oh, its part of life...suck it up. We cry, for several reasons. Period.

#8 Being a lousy lover. Of all the things that men want to happen in bed, pleasing their women ranks near the top of the list, according to a national Men, Love, and Sex survey by Harris Interactive. Men hate to think that women may be bored, unimpressed, or unsatisfied. Maybe it's an ego thing (okay, it is an ego thing), but men do very genuinely care about how much pleasure a woman is having in bed. That's why the faking thing drives men so crazy. To men, feigned pleasure is code for: You're so damn terrible at this, but there there, little fella, I'm gonna make you feel good about your inadequate self. Men want to know what women want, and they want to be successful in delivering it.

we all worry about it. we find some form of pleasure by pleasing our partner. its something that we strive for: to be known as "good" and to be pleasing.

#7 Not being a god to his kids. There comes a time when men don't care much about what strangers, co-workers, friends, in-laws, or anybody else thinks about them. But when a kid articulates his father's flaws, it's the ultimate heart crumbler. Men know that sometimes they work too much or are too short-fused or simply fall short on the hero-dad meter, but deep down, they know it's the most important job that they're going to do. And if they don't do it right, they know there's a significant chink in their masculine armor.

that's sweet. But you won't be god once they reach adolecence...and a word of advice: let your children be thier own human beings. they are your children and they deserve the respect and love that you would want to recieve from them...then and only then will you be God to them.

#6 Living paycheck to paycheck. Even though men aren't the only hunters and providers anymore, they still feel a deep evolutionary pull to provide the backbone and protection for their tribe. When men lose money, can't make enough money, or are scrounging for money, it can be an emotional disaster-it makes them feel like they're losing control in their lives.

i saw my dad go through that. it was hard on me to watch

#5 Beautiful women. Few things intimidate men more than IRS audits and 12-foot birdie putts. A beautiful woman is one of them. A beautiful woman-whether spotted at work, in bookstores, driving in the next lane, anywhere-simply has the power to turn a man of steel into creamed corn. Men know this. Men try to resist this. Ultimately, it's a challenge. Beauty may be a short-lived form of power, but it is profound, and nearly all men cower before it. It can make them do really, really stupid things.

*laughs* isn't that the truth. I had a friend who told me 4 years after the fact, that he wanted to ask me out, but was too scared to do so. I think that was my problem in high school.

#4 Getting naked. Ladies shouldn't think that they're alone in fleshy hang-ups. Guys are just as concerned about what women will initially think about their body hair, muscles, guts, toes, and other parts. Men are deeply aware that they can be too fat, too skinny, too hairy, too smelly, and while men are eager to revel in a woman's body, they also share anxiety about revealing their own.

it seems to me that guys are more consious about it than females are. I think its because female clothing is more revealing anyways, so that gives us more comfortability in our skin.

#3 Tofurky.

O_O yes that is scary too

#2 Not seeing his kids grow up. Death, of course, scares everyone-not so much for the bad stuff that may happen to them, but for missing out on all the good stuff that will happen to their kids. Or, worse yet, not being around to protect them from the bad stuff.

that is universal

# 1 Public humiliation. Here's one that will make even the strongest men cave: Looking weak. Whether a man is extremely secure-or insanely insecure-about himself, he's worries that he'll look incompetent, idiotic, or both. Doesn't matter whether it's a zipper malfunction, an off-color joke he mistakenly slips in during a speech, a dismissive statement by a boss in a department meeting, fumbling the fly ball at a softball game, getting arrested for fighting after his kid's soccer game, whatever. It's one thing to make mistakes. But making the reputation-damaging ones in public is tough to take. That's because as much as men try to protect their homes, their families, their appearance, and their jobs, perhaps the most nerve-wracking job of all is protecting the thing they can't cure with money, with effort or with laser hair removal: their reputations.

we are all scared of that. That's why you become secure in yourself and be able to take a joke, or dish them out.

What secretly scares you? Fess up and share it here.

Millennium Thoughts

2007-02-19T00:35:00.000-06:00

i'm sorry i haven't been updating. I've been so busy with school and my personal life. Needless to say, Derek and I almost broke up because of some issues that i caused. It really sucked but we are slowly putting things back together.

I have actually done nothing today. It has been nice. So i've been able to do alot of thinking. I never realized the wierd things that we remember as children. They may be small and insignificant but they stick out in our minds, therefore they were impactful to our lives. I remember when i was about 5 or so, strooning my toys out around the living room. It was late and my dad came in wanting me to clean them up. I didn't want to, so i argued. Needless to say that there was alot of arguing. He said that he would throw away all my toys if i didn't clean them up. I said no, and he threw away my favorite stuffed animal bunny. I had to fish her out of the trash can inorder to get her back. That is my earlies memory of me arguing with my parents and them threatening me with something. Another memory i have is when i went into the Target bathroom. This was when Target was still on Highway 6 by Luby's, not where it is now, further down Highway 6 and the sugar factory. I went into the bathroom and my mom came after me inorder to make sure i was alright. She said my name and i responded. But there was a little girl in a stall who started singing, "Alice-in-wonderland, Alice-in-wonderland". Needless to say, it really bothered me. I ignored her and walked off, but it has still bothered me unto this day. Wierd i know, but sometimes the smallest things stay in our subconsious and we never realize it. Sometimes i wonder what i have said or done that may effect people and thier minds. Its the wierdest thing, but it bothers me. I like effecting people but in a good way, and i wonder if i'm doing more damage than good.

I've been thinking alot about my life lately. I really miss innocense. You can't gain it back after it is gone, and i feel like mine was taken from me, by someone who had every clue about what he was doing. It hurts and saddens me because i can never go back to that young girl in Sugar Land. Sometimes i wonder if innoecense is something choosen, whether tainted or not. I think i've been watching too much MillenniuM. If you haven't seen it, its a good show. Three seasons are on DVD. You should check them out. Joey got me hooked...now you should too.

Just some food for thought.

-Reijn

will it ever stop?

2007-02-03T01:33:00.000-06:00

i messed up. Its all over. There is no going back at this point.

The Hour Glass

2007-02-01T23:38:00.000-06:00

I woke up today and started channel surfing before i had to go to class. I stumbled upon the Tyra Banks Show. Now, i normally don't watch talk shows, mostly because they are all full of bull most of the time, but this one caught my attention. Tyra was defending a photo shoot she did, and the fact that the papperazzi took a horrible picture of her. She looked like she gained alot of weight, and from her show...she looks like she really hasn't. That is what Photoshop does to photos...thats for sure. The show "Dirt" confirms that. (Which is a fun show to watch btw. It has some interesting characters.) But Tyra's show was all about the modeling runway industry and eating disorders. I found a new respect for Tyra Banks after this show. Her goal for "America's Next Top Model" is to advance healthy models. I respect that. She brought in models who are retired, working, and large. It was an interesting mix. One model was 90 lbs. and still thought that she was fat. She ate 3,000 calories a day, but it usually consited vegitables and fruit. Mostly water weight. Sounded horrible to me. Overall, I was sad that I wasn't able to finish the show because i had to run to class. But it reminded me of this: Marilyn Monroe was a size 10, and she was a sex icon. Today, you must be a size 1 or so inorder to be considered sexy and beautiful. Its rediculous. I'm a size 11 or so. And i'm not completely considered "sexy" by society, nor am i overweight either. Society's pressure on women is so difficult and harsh now-a-days. I'm saddened that most women, including friends of mine, are pressured to have eating dissorders inorder to fit in. I'm so thankful i grew up in a home that did not push me to be a certian image.

I got my Mac back today. Hopefully it will work this time. I'm so happy to have my baby back! Hopefully, more updating!

So, another visitor milestone is comming up...if you are number 6000! Leave me a message, so i can make a special post about you! *huggles*!

Its snowing again...third one this season.

-Reijn

A Horse with a Personality

2007-01-29T13:05:00.000-06:00

Barbaro euthanized; owner calls it 'the right decision'
By DAN GELSTON, AP Sports Writer
January 29, 2007

KENNETT SQUARE, Pa. (AP) -- Kentucky Derby winner Barbaro was euthanized Monday after complications from his gruesome breakdown at last year's Preakness, ending an eight-month ordeal that prompted an outpouring of support across the country.

"We just reached a point where it was going to be difficult for him to go on without pain," co-owner Roy Jackson said. "It was the right decision, it was the right thing to do. We said all along if there was a situation where it would become more difficult for him then it would be time."

A series of ailments, including laminitis in the left rear hoof and a recent abscess in the right rear hoof, proved too much for the gallant colt.

Barbaro battled in his ICU stall for eight months. The 4-year-old colt underwent several procedures and was fitted with fiberglass casts. He spent time in a sling to ease pressure on his legs, had pins inserted and was fitted at the end with an external brace. These were all extraordinary measures for a horse with such injuries.

Roy and Gretchen Jackson were with Barbaro on Monday morning, with the owners making the decision in consultation with chief surgeon Dr. Dean Richardson.

"I would say thank you for everything, and all your thoughts and prayers over the last eight months or so," Jackson said to Barbaro's fans.

The news that Barbaro had been euthanized first was reported on the Thoroughbred Times Web site.

On May 20, Barbaro was rushed to the New Bolton Center, about 30 miles from Philadelphia in Kennett Square, hours after shattering his right hind leg just a few strides into the Preakness Stakes. The bay colt underwent a five-hour operation that fused two joints, recovering from an injury most horses never survive. But Barbaro never regained his natural gait.

"We loved him. He was great," said Peter Brette, Barbaro's exercise rider and assistant trainer for Michael Matz. "He did everything we ever asked of him. He could have been one of the best. What a fighter he was."

Barbaro suffered a significant setback over the weekend, and surgery was required to insert two steel pins in a bone -- one of three shattered in the Preakness but now healthy -- to eliminate all weight bearing on the ailing right rear foot.

The procedure Saturday was a risky one, because it transferred more weight to the leg while the foot rests on the ground bearing no weight.

The leg was on the mend until the abscess began causing discomfort last week. Until then, the major concern was Barbaro's left rear leg, which developed laminitis in July, and 80 percent of the hoof was removed.

Richardson said Monday morning that Barbaro did not have a good night.

"This horse was a hero," said David Switzer, executive director of the Kentucky Thoroughbred Association. "His owners went above and beyond the call of duty to save this horse. It's an unfortunate situation, but I think they did the right thing in putting him down."

Brilliant on the race track, Barbaro always will be remembered for his brave fight for survival.

The story of the beloved 4-year-old bay colt's fight for life captured the fancy of millions.

When Barbaro broke down, his right hind leg flared out awkwardly as jockey Edgar Prado jumped off and tried to steady the ailing horse. Race fans at Pimlico wept. Within 24 hours the entire nation seemed to be caught up in a "Barbaro watch," waiting for any news.

Well-wishers young and old showed up at the New Bolton Center with cards, flowers, gifts, goodies and even religious medals for the champ, and thousands of e-mails poured into the hospital's Web site just for him.

"I just can't explain why everyone is so caught up in this horse," Roy Jackson, who owned the colt with his wife, Gretchen, has said time and again. "Everything is so negative now in the world, people love animals and I think they just happen to latch onto him."

Devoted fans even wrote Christmas carols for him, sent a wreath made of baby organic carrots and gave him a Christmas stocking.

The biggest gift has been the $1.2 million raised since early June for the Barbaro Fund. The money is put toward needed equipment such as an operating room table, and a raft and sling for the same pool recovery Barbaro used after his surgeries.

The Jacksons spent tens of thousands of dollars hoping the best horse they ever owned would recover and be able to live a comfortable life on the farm -- whether he was able to breed or not.

The couple, who own about 70 racehorses, broodmares and yearlings, and operate the 190-acre Lael Farm, have been in the horse business for 30 years, and never had a horse like Barbaro.

As the days passed, it seemed Barbaro would get his happy ending. As late as December, with the broken bones in his right hind leg nearly healed and his laminitis under control, Barbaro was looking good and relishing daily walks outside his intensive care unit.

But after months of upbeat progress reports, including talk that he might be headed home soon, news came Jan. 10 of a serious setback because of the laminitis. Richardson had to remove damaged tissue from Barbaro's left hind hoof, and the colt was placed back in a protective sling.

On Jan. 13, another section of his left rear hoof was removed. After Barbaro developed a deep abscess in his right hind foot, surgery was performed Saturday to insert two steel pins in a bone.

This after Richardson warned last December that Barbaro's right hind leg was getting stronger and that the left hind foot was a "more formidable long-term challenge."

Even before the injury that ended his career, Barbaro had earned his fame for simply being a magnificent racehorse.

Foaled and raised at Sanborn Chase at Springmint Farm near Nicholasville, Ky., Barbaro always stood out in the crowd. "He was an enormous foal," recalled breeder Bill Sanborn. "He was a tall and leggy horse, and when he grew it was like in two-inch spurts."

When the Jacksons sent Barbaro to trainer Matz over a year ago, exercise rider Brette climbed aboard and said "I thought he was a 3-year-old."

A son of Dynaformer, out of the dam Le Ville Rouge, Barbaro started his career on the turf, but Matz knew he would have to try his versatile colt on the dirt. He reasoned that if he had a talented 3-year-old in America, he'd have to find out early if his horse was good enough for the Triple Crown races.

Barbaro was good enough, all right. He won his first three races on turf with authority, including the Laurel Futurity by eight lengths and the Tropical Park Derby by 3 3/4 lengths.

That's when Matz drew up an unconventional plan for a dirt campaign that spaced out Barbaro's race to keep him fit for the entire Triple Crown, a grueling ordeal of three races in five weeks at varying distances over different tracks.

Barbaro won the Holy Bull Stakes at Gulfstream Park on Feb. 4, but his dirt debut was inconclusive since it came over a sloppy track. After an eight-week break, an unusually long time between races, Barbaro came back and won the Florida Derby by a half-length over Sharp Humor despite an outside No. 10 post.

The deal was sealed -- on to the Derby, but not without criticism that Barbaro couldn't win coming off a five-week layoff. After all, it had been 50 years since Needles won the Derby off a similar break. But Matz was unfazed, and stuck to his plan, saying all the time he was doing what was best for the horse.

Not only did Barbaro win the Derby, he demolished what was supposed to be one of the toughest fields in years. The 6 1/2 -length winning margin was the largest since 1946, when Assault won by eight lengths and went on to sweep the Triple Crown.

The 55-year-old Matz, meanwhile, was living a charmed life. Before turning to thoroughbreds eight years ago, he was an international show jumping star, and a three-time Olympian and silver medal winner who carried the U.S. flag at the closing ceremony at the 1996 Atlanta Games. He also survived a plane crash in Iowa in 1989 and became a hero by saving three children from the burning wreckage. The crash killed 112 of the 296 people on board United Flight 232.

In Barbaro, Matz truly believed he was training a Triple Crown winner. He often said Barbaro was good enough to be ranked among the greats and join Seattle Slew as the only unbeaten Triple Crown champions.

But two weeks later after the Derby Barbaro took a horrible misstep and one of the most extraordinary attempts to save a thoroughbred was under way. The injury was considered to be so disastrous that many thought the horse would be euthanized while still at Pimlico Race Track.

Instead, Barbaro was transported that night to the New Bolton Center's George D. Widener Hospital for Large Animals and was operated on the next day by Richardson.

The injuries were as serious as everyone feared: Barbaro sustained a broken cannon bone above the ankle, a broken sesamoid bone behind the ankle and a broken long pastern bone below the ankle. The fetlock joint -- the ankle -- was dislocated. Richardson said the pastern bone was shattered in "20-plus pieces."

Barbaro, who earned $2,302,200 with his six wins in seven starts, endured the complicated five-hour surgery in which Richardson inserted a titanium plate and 27 screws into the broken bones. After calmly awakening from anesthesia, he "practically jogged back to his stall" looking for something to eat.

At the time, Richardson stressed Barbaro still had many hurdles to clear, and called chances for a full recovery a "coin toss."

Afterward, though, things went relatively smoothly. Each day brought more optimism: Barbaro was eyeing the mares, nickering, gobbling up his feed and trying to walk out of his stall. There was great hope Barbaro somehow would overcome the odds and live a life of leisure on the farm.

But by mid-July, Richardson's greatest fear became reality -- laminitis struck Barbaro's left hind leg and 80 percent of the hoof was removed. Richardson recalled recently what it was like when he met with the Jacksons, and Matz, and his wife, D.D., to deliver the news.

"It was terrible," Richardson said. "I wouldn't have blamed anyone at that point for saying they just couldn't face the prospects of going on."

But Barbaro responded well to treatment, and his recovery was progressing until a final, fatal turn.

AP Racing Writer Richard Rosenblatt contributed to this report.

I passively watched this horse's endevors. I actually loved his personality, how he was so full of life. His eyes told it all. He was most definately a 4 year old colt. He had that coltish fire about him. If you have been around horses like i have, you would understand. He was a ham. He would pose for the cameras and smile, making sure that they got his "good side". I've only known of afew horses to ever do that...and those are the ones who have the most personality, and horse to handle. I'm sorry to see this horse go...the good ones always do. But he put up a fighting chance and loved the life that he had. He was a good and beautiful ham.

-Reijn

In responce...

2007-01-25T17:19:00.000-06:00

AND NOW.......
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down

Finally, the guys' side of the story.
(I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear "the rules"
From the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.
No you aren't, but girls have something called hormones, and don't always know how to express themselves.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
germs...germs...germs. its easier to kick the seat down, than to lift it up....plus, you guys don't clean the toilet underneath the seat.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.
I like sports...i'll watch them with you!

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
no, but walking is...you need the exercise anyways.

1. Crying is blackmail.
yes it is...and we know it.

1. Ask for what you want
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
its not about the hints...its about the fact that you should know what we are hinting at already

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
yes they are, but so is an explaination every once in a while too

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
but we love you, we want sympathy and a hug from you too...its a respectful and an honor to have a crying girl call you up...it means that they trust you.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem.
See a doctor.
yes.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
no, it still happened and it still emotionally effected us...we will bring it up.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria 's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.
? i'm confused.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.
jerk

1 If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
no you didn't, just a misscommunication. Its ok. Just explain yourself.

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
uh, no...we can ask you to do something then explain how it "should" be done. Grow up...girls won't always do the dishes for you.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
agreed...but you can half listen to us if we talk during a show.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
...and he thought he was going to the West Indies...he screwed up.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
not true...you just don't know how to look. I know alot of guys who see more colors than i do, AND can name them off.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.
yes you do...so why can't we?

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
then that means that you aren't worth being friends with...you should go through the hassle if we mean something to you.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
true, but why ask the question...not all girls are idiots.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.
yes, and college girls are the same way

1 Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation,
or golf.
that is not true...but i'll stare blankly at you if you do bring up those topics.

1. You have enough clothes.
yes and no

1. You have too many shoes.
no i don't

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
yeah, and so is an Egg...it goes both ways

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
no, just a 3 hour long conversation then a make-out session telling you that i still love you.

But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping
not true, you guys like girls sleeping next to you just as much as we like curling up next to your bodies.

-Reijn

Helpful Friends

2007-01-17T23:49:00.000-06:00

Crystal: yay i love college
Derek: yay
Derek: *points a gun at my head*
Crystal: awe
Crystal: u cant get a good angle that way honey
Crystal: here let me help
Crystal: ::takes gun and points at derek::
Crystal: isnt this what friends are for?
Derek: lol...*takes a few steps back*

-Reijn

Lessons Retold

2007-01-15T23:09:00.000-06:00

i have been reminded about trust. Almost a year ago, i learned about it, and now i've been reminded. I have also been reminded on how older males psyche work. Age come wisdom, which comes knowing when and whennot to deal with items. I seem to forget. I seem to forget alot now-a-days. I've forgotten how to feel, again.

-Reijn

Origami and a Shreader

2007-01-12T20:13:00.000-06:00

i'm broke. Again. this sucks. I go out and buy a couple of shirts and a book, and i'm broke. No spending for Reijn for the next two months. Kinda sucks, but oh well.

Daniel is in town. We are party hopping. I swear, this is not a normal thing for me. This is just the first weekend where everybody is in town and school started, so lots of parties happening this weekend.

I screwed myself over this semester in my history courses. I switched into a class that is worse than the class i switched out of. I screwed myself up. Oh well. This is going to be a hard semester. 7 papers in one class. 2 papers in another. 1 paper in a third class. 4 papers in yet a fourth class. Bleh bleh bleh. I can already feel the stress comming. This sucks.

Insight Bowl party tonight. I can't wait. It's going to be fun. Right now i'm bored watching movies i don't want to watch. Oh well. Its all good.

Tomorrow...art and more parties. sounds good?! I guess. *nods*

TTYL, not much to really talk about this time.

*huggles*
-Reijn

Pictures at the Front Door

2007-01-12T00:21:00.000-06:00

(Photo taken from: http://www.oliviastevens.org/, God bless Olivia and her family. This photo of their daughter reminded alot of myown life and experiances as a child. I cannot even begin to think about what they went through, experiance, and continue to miss out on. You all are in my prayers.)

It doesn't matter how old you get, or how much education i continuously pay for, i still feel like the grade school Reijn who stood in front of the slick white wooden door at the front of my house, with a plastered smile on my face. Mom wanted to take a picture of me for my first day of school. And somehow, the family dog found its way into the photo too. I swear, animals are more full of it than most humans. Those days I wore a school uniform. Whether it be a polo shirt with kakki shorts or the plad skirt with matching tie and blazer, first day of school is the first day of school. I don't wear a school uniform anymore, but i do think about how i am going to look that first day, to my peers and profs. Usually a good pair of jeans and a shirt suffices, but as I step out into the new day, i still feel like that kid who is still apprehensive about meeting new kids and what the year will present itself to be.

Well, today is/was my second day of classes, and alas...all the rest of my classes to know. I've decided that i'm going to shoot myself this semester. After having a taste of what my major and my life is really about...i love it. Now i'm taking a bunch of BS classes, and i want to shoot myself. Honestly. I'm going to be writing alot of papers over things i don't give a rat's ass about. This kinda sucks. Oh well, i set myself up for this sucky class anyways. *sighs* and classes are about to start again...bleh.

So time for Reijn to get back into writing profound things again.

The weather has been absolutely beautifully astounding. I've fallen in love all over again: warm sun, blue skies, cool breeze, chilly evenings...making you want to cuddle underneath the blankets of your bed and drink a hot cup of coffee. I always forget how much i really do love the lubbock weather, until i leave it and go back to Houston, where it always rains. I forget what rain looks like after months of no sight of it.

I have forgotten what it feels to feel life again. It has been awhile. I found that life likes to hit you over the head, and once you come-to a semester has dissapeared...and you are so exausted, and don't know why. The refreshing feel of realizing what has actually happened while you were asleep, is the best feeling in the world...yet you still have to live with the weight of the actual events. Its not an easy life we all lead, but its the life we are given.

I switched out of one of my history courses today. My teacher was scaring me. I didn't want to deal with him at all. I am kinda scared to go to class on Tuesday into a new class, and ask for a sylibus. Hopefully this instructor will be better than the old war vet who has alot of issues. I am going to start to work for Jeff Wheeler in afew days. I hope that goes well. He's an interesting character but i hope to learn alot from him. I need to learn alot for the sake of...success in the buisness of the art world. *nods*

Well, this entry took me all day long. That's ok...still getting use to the swing of things.
*huggles*

-Reijn

More Rain

2007-01-06T15:58:00.000-06:00

well, i have spent one day in Austin. Derek and I decided to stay, and we are going to travel back tomorrow instead. *sighs* I feel really out of it. I gave Amanda a call last night...it was probally on of the hardest phone calls i've made in a long time. Who would have thought that a mind mage and a fire mage would be so stupid. My soul has been revitalized again for the first time in almost a year. Damn your good mind powers Guy! I feel like i can take on the world and its shit that it likes to throw at me. I was reminded what it feels to be in normality again...to be unconditionally loved. And once i was back in Derek's arms again, it stayed with me. Its wonderful to finally get what we have been working so hard for. It took an entire Christmas break though. I guess that's ok. I know that Guy doesn't want me to wait. But waiting is a bad word inorder to describe what i'm going to do. We are going to take care of our own lives, and if God willing, our time will come again. Just not now.

*sighs* I'm rambling. And there is alot of things that i need to sort out inorder to be ready for the next semester. *nods* okies! *huggles*

Oh and Guy, reds and blues...lots of red, with splotches of blue....right now i see green.

-Reijn
"Char"

Mind Games

2007-01-05T02:25:00.000-06:00

I learned something this holiday. Something that I never truly thought i would ever experiance. I learned the beauty of waiting...patience. And the pain of finally getting what you waited so long for. I waited 4 years for this oppritunity, and now another 4 or more years awaits me of more waiting. My cinderella story is not finished, yea it is still being written. And for that fact...i still wait.
I wait, and it damn hurts.

-Reijn
IE: "Chardata the Fire Mage"

Insight of the New Year

2007-01-01T15:50:00.000-06:00

just a few things:

Texas Tech makes College Football Bowl History.
We win the Insight Bowl
We got the Minnesota coach fired.
I love being a Red Raider!

-Reijn

A long Trek

2006-12-28T03:11:00.000-06:00

So i'm in Tempe, Arizona for the Texas Tech Bowl against Minnesota.

I got on the bus at 5:30 in the evening and didn't arive here until 5:00 in the evening. Shoot me...i know.
So we finally got to Tempe after a lay over in San Antonio, and a beautiful breakfast at El Paso (pretty sunrise), and a stop in Tuscon. There was an Its-a-Grinde there in Tuscon and it was my little ray of hope. It made me happy. It really got me through the rest of the trip. When we finally arived in Tempe, Patrick and his fiance were waiting for me there. It was awsome seeing them. It was more fun hanging out with them. The band had a rehursal at 6 so we had a quick recovery in the hotel then we were off to Tempe High for a rehursal on a field with no yard lines. That was scary. The entire band really didn't know what to do, on top of that it rained. Yes, it rained int the desert. weird i know.

After rehursal we went back to the hotel and Patrick took Tyler and I out for a late night dinner. It was fun hanging out with everybody. we laughed alot. finally, after all of that Tyler and I watched TV for alittle while longer then i kicked him out and i took a shower and am about to go to bed. Oh how i'm tired but all of my roommates are snorring and are about 50 lbs larger than i am....this should be interesing...shoot me again.

Anywhos...off to bed! *huggles*

-Reijn

Counting down to...what?

2006-12-23T19:37:00.000-06:00

i went to a party at Tan's place. It was fun. we hung out, sang, played music, talked. It was a fun time. I took Read with me since Joey decided that he was not going to show up. We drove to the party, and partied, left, went back to his place for awhile then i went home. At his place, i picked up my computer and we talked for alittle while. It was nice. Its nice to have a friend here in houston who is like me. We are both liberal for our households, so its nice to have someone you can confide in. We are planning to hang out some more tomorrow.

Oh right! Tomorrow is Christmas Eve. opps...totally forgot. I guess i have to actually break down and say: Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas my dear and devoted readers!
*huggles*

-Reijn

Skies are Blue

2006-12-22T15:29:00.000-06:00

Well, i am back in Sugar Land for the holidays. I don't know if this is a good thing but i'm here none-the-less. I spent two days in Austin before comming down to Houston. Derek took be down to a park near his house. We walked amongst the trees and sat over the lake. It was beautiful and very romantic. Clear sky with beautiful stars, a quiet lake, slight breaze, and a a forest behind us, made the entire night magical.

The day after, we hung out with one of Derek's friend from high school. We played around at Guitar Center and then we went to a restraunt called The Flire Bowl. We had real Asian food. We hadn't had asian food in so long. Lubbock doesn't have any good oriental food. Now, there is a Phillipino Restraunt that we haven't tried...its in a hole in the wall but it looks good. So, from Austin we went to Houston.

As soon as we arived in houston we went to a church band party. It was so nice to see everybody from church again. We all sang and played and just enjoyed everybody's company. It was wonderful. The next day, Derek and I just hung out around the house not really doing anything. That evening we went to a "party"...more like a get-together with several of my highschool buddies. The ones that i cared about, went for icecream with derek and me. We all chatted and had a wonderful time. I got to see Alfrado off before he goes back to Mexico then on to England. I may see him one more time before he leaves, but we'll see what happens. Every night Derek and i stayed up watching Adult Swim together. It was nice just spending time with him in houston just chilling. The next day, Derek and I went out to a movie. We saw Erigon, and we didn't like it very much. He liked it more than i did. I felt like it was the classic fantasy formula. *shrugs* We also hit up Chipotle for lunch. That night, we went to the Nakanichi's restraunt that they own in Houston. It was wonderful. Dad just ordered stuff. Lots and lots of stuff. I have never seen so much food! EVER. I stuffed myself completely. I'm still full from that meal. Absolutely amazing. It was for making the Dean's List. I managed to pull a 3.5 for this semester, and made the dean's list. It was wonderful. After waddling to the car, Derek and i crashed. We were so full, we hadn't eatten that well in ages. I was able to convince Derek to stay in Houston one more day. That day was spent, just chilling for the most part. We did go out with the Counterpart girls for dinner. He said that he liked them. Which was good. Many people that i have dated really didn't like them, but what can you say? Oh well.

Derek left yesterday, and made it back to Austin. The traffic was horrific. It had been raining for the past couple of days, and yesterday was no exception. That and everybody was trying to get shopping in for the holidays. Sugar Land amazes me every time i come home, its so busy and the drivers suck. Mom and i went shopping. I needed a new pair of jeans...badly.

Well, all in all, i'm home. Mandy is great. Tessie is the usual hedghog that she is. Dad is getting fat and is testy with me all the time, and mom always worries. Peter is a prick like always...thats my baby brother for you! I love him to pieces.

Tonight i am going to Tan's party with Read. Joey isn't showing up...its probally for the better.

I hope to hang out with Amanda sometime soon. So we'll see.

*huggles* all.

-Reijn

Lubbock in My Rear View Mirror

2006-12-14T13:44:00.000-06:00

i'm done! And i'm outta here! I may be able to pull that 3.5 average...then the Dean's List! Either way, i'm headed out of Lubbock...on to Austin....then Houston! TTYL!

-Reijn

Finishing Up

2006-12-11T18:37:00.000-06:00

So i am almost finished with everything. I have one more final left. Its Art History Survey II and its going to kick my ass...but oh well. I just took my Design II exam and turned in my last project. It turned out pretty cool. I made nymph houses out of wood. Once i get a picture i will post it on here. My prof is going to make professional images of our last projects. I can't wait because it will look cool. I got a CD of images of all my projects and they look professional! I feel like a real artist for once...with professional work! *blushes* its almost comical.

So i'm really tired. I really don't know why. I have been getting alot of sleep lately. It may be the fact that i've been drinking alot of caffene to keep me going. I don't know. Either way, i'm tired...and i'm so ready to just chill, and get this semester over with. I need to call Aaron Brothers and inform them of my situation. Oh, i can't wait to read my creative writing instructor's responces to my fictional short story. I want to know about my Art History paper too...i guess i'll find that out on wednesday. *sighs* its the end of the semester! Its so obvious! *laughs*

Good luck to all of you that are going though finals...and those who are not! Lucky!

-Reijn

Yahoo's Experts

2006-12-09T00:35:00.000-06:00

Stopping Shopping at Christmas
Posted by Patrick Moore
on Thu, Dec 07, 2006, 1:48 am PST

In my experience, shopping and gift giving ruin Christmas. Not only do they cause incredible stress, the nicely wrapped present is often given to make up for not using The Principles during the rest of the year. If I have treated people with compassion, been honest, and taken responsibility for my own actions, I feel little need to cap-off the year with some shiny bauble. My actions should be evidence enough of my regard for you.

This also works the other way. Many of the people who love me are generous to a fault. While I am grateful for their gifts, I don't need a single one of them. In so many ways throughout the year, these people have supported, encouraged, and accepted me. Do I really need a watch or a sweater as further evidence of their love?

Perhaps some of you remember the O. Henry Christmas story, "The Gift of the Magi." In it, a poor husband and wife desperately want to give one another gifts at Christmas to demonstrate their love. The wife wants to give her husband an expensive fob chain to accessorize his prize possession - a gold watch that had belonged to his father and grandfather. To buy the chain, she cuts off and sells her beautiful long hair. On Christmas Eve, when she presents her husband with the gift, he reveals that he has sold the watch to buy her a set of jeweled, tortoise shell combs for her spectacular hair. Both hair and watch are gone, making the gifts all the more poignant.

The supposed lesson of the story is that the true gift that the couple gave one another was love. But the story always seemed deeply sad to me because it supposes that two people who adore one another are so insecure in their love that they have to prove it in the form of material objects.

I wonder how many poor but good people believe themselves to be failures during Christmas because they cannot afford extravagant gifts. On the other hand, I suspect many people who receive spectacular presents don't really enjoy them as much as they would like.

The material world crumbles into ruin. Objects - large and small, treasured and insignificant - break and are lost. Anything that can be held disappears. This, I think, is the sadness that I feel about gifts. No matter how thoughtful or precious those gifts are they can never compare to the love I give and receive.

Bowling

2006-12-04T20:26:00.000-06:00

Date: Friday, December 29
Site: Sun Devil Stadium (56,000)
Kick-Off: 6:00 p.m. MST (8:00 p.m. EST)
Television: NFL Network

Texas Tech recieved the Insight Bowl bid against Minnesota. We are headed to Arizona. Crazy. I will be leaving Houston on the 26th and be comming back to h-town on the 31st. Its a week. And i'm not happy about it. The Houston kids are going to be on a bus for about 24 hours. Not fun at all. I really am not looking forward to a 24 hour bus ride. I hate bus rides to begin with. It doesn't help that it will be a stuffed bus full of kids, it gets worse...these kids won't get a wink of sleep etc. until we hit Arizona. I'm not looking forward to it at all. I'm going to see if i can get a rechargeable battery so i can hook up my laptop and work on it....or something. Bleh bleh bleh. I'm not happy, though it will be fun. Its looking like i won't be able to work this winter at all just because i will be working for 2 weeks at the most. Bleh, it sucks...horribly.

That and i'm tired as hell. I think i'm going to 86 homework today...and hit it hard tomorrow. Yeah, that sounds good.

-Reijn

LOOKIE LOOKIE!

2006-11-30T15:49:00.000-06:00

SNOW!!!

-Reijn!

I'm Not Scrooge, I promise!

2006-11-29T21:36:00.000-06:00

I hate Christmas. I will tell you why: I hate Christmas because of the unneeded hype upon one day that comes and goes. People get all fired up over lights, candy, cookies, clothes, music, scarves, trees, dinners....and and so much much more. How pointless is it?! Incredibly. Even the author Gabriel Garcia Marquez feels the same way. I don't have the book with me right now, but in his book "Memoirs of my Meloncholy Whores" he mentioned about the futatly that people go through for Christmas. They go through all the hustle and bustle for what? So that they look good in the eyes of society. It has nothing to do with the real reason for the holiday. Why does society get all yippy and yappy when the mention of Thanksgiving brings falsified hope and joy of Christmas? Its discusting if you ask me. I cannot stand this season. I cannot stand it because its fake. It is completely and utterly fake. We gourge ourselves during this holiday and say, "but its Christmas." So just because its Christmas we can be kind to eachother? Just because its Christmas it is ok to do special things for strangers? SO just because its Christmas it is ok to be completely happy?! Its the biggest lie. And i want nothing to do with it.

And that is why I HATE Christmas.

-Reijn

What is that?!

2006-11-29T11:46:00.000-06:00

too much work, too much work! TOO MUCH WORK! *SCREAMS* this sucks.

So its supposed to snow tomorrow. That's wrong. To all my southern Texas friends, its comming to you too...its supposed to get fuckin' cold and soon too!

-Reijn

GRUMBLE

2006-11-27T09:24:00.000-06:00

Well, i'm back in Lubbock. The break was borring for the most part. Probally because i really didn't do anything exciting. I hung out with several close friends (which was nice), and didn't do much more than that. I guess that's a good thing. A way to wind down. Though, upon my arival back to Lubbock i am hit with a mound of papers and projects. And by mound, i mean mountian. I am looking at over 6 papers and 3 projects. Kill me now please.

Its cloudy here. And you can smell the moisture in the air. Its going to rain soon.

So does anybody know who was MR 5000? I guess i'll have to bump it up to MR or MS 5100 again. If you are this person just leave me a comment and i'll post a special post about you!

-Reijn

Thanksgiving Break pt. 1

2006-11-23T16:42:00.000-06:00

Wednesday, November 22, 2006
6:19 pm

Well, this break started out like any other break. At least that is what its supposed to be. I woke up with the sun, like always because my body clock has been programmed to wake up before 7:00 am. Damn those 8:00am classes. PJ left the house first. Then I was next. Derek left with Corey behind us. I rode down to SL with Cat, Tyler, Ryan, and Tessarose—my hedgehog. She was not too happy to be in a car. She was up and walking around, snuffing at me, and just plain more irritated that usual. I felt bad because she is supposed to be hibernating but I sorta killed that today.

About 45 to an hour into the trip we got pulled over by a cop. Nothing too exciting, we were speeding. After that Tyler took over for driving. The ride was actually quite pleasant. Nothing too out of the ordinary. We chatted about the past, relationships, and whatnot. It was pleasant.

We left Brady, which is about 126 miles outside of Austin, everything seemed normal. I turned on my computer and started listening to music. Ryan fell asleep to his own tunes, and Cat and Tyler were in the front seats mining their own business. About 10-15 miles outside of Brady, Tyler started drifting into the other lane, supposedly dozing off. Cat woke him up, and we swerved to miss a car. The other car swerved to miss us. We spun and hit the guardrail, continued spinning then came to rest on the shoulder of the road. The other car, swerved to miss us then hit the ditch and flipped twice. Nobody was hurt. There was a lady and her kid in the other car, they had afew minor glass wounds but overall were ok, shooken up but ok. We were all ok, shooken up as well, but ok none the less. I called AAA. They weren’t much help. An off duity cop came by and said that he was helping the officers on duity. Then a fire personel came by and checked out the car. There was some fluid coming out, then stopped. We determined that it was windshield wiper fluid. The car overall is ok, just banged up fairly badly on the passanger sides but overall, everything is ok. The other car had a lot of glass blown out.

Tyler and Cat went over to the other car scene. (We were on one side of the highway and the bridge, while the other car was on the direct opposite side of the bridge and road. The two cars sandwiched the bridge.) The fireman took Ryan and I to the other scene as well so we could answer questions and fill out paper work. I called my parents via of Ryan’s phone. My phone didn’t have any service. After we all did what we needed to do, I took out Tessarose. She was a hit. All the officers and the parametics thought she was the strangest and coolest thing ever. One of the parametics took a picture of me and Tessa. She said that I will be in her scrapbook. We all laughed. By this point, everybody was joking around and trying to make everybody smile.

Suddenly, we get a phone call from Corey and Derek. They had just driven past the accident. They noticed Cat’s purple hair and Tessa, then automatically called Fisayo. (puzzling I know). We told them to turn around and that we would wait on them until they did so. I was so relieved to see Derek. He said that he was glad to see that I was ok. He felt a mixture of dread, happiness, worry, and relief all at the same time…thus laughing and joking since he didn’t know how to handle himself any other way. I was just glad to hug him. I was holding back everything and trying really hard to stay calm. At that point, I knew I was ok.

I got in the car with Derek and Cory and Cat, Tyler, and Ryan followed behind. We took a stop in Llano for gas, and a bathroom break…and so I could switch cars again. So as of now, we are all still driving home. We are headed to Austin first then we are going to head off to Houston. Corey and Derek are still in front of us…just to make sure nothing happens. Four more hours ahead of us, and I’ll be so glad to be home.

One more reason to be thankful for Thanksgiving.

-Reijn

thunk

2006-11-21T18:39:00.000-06:00

leaving for h-town tomorrow for the break! Thank God...seriously!

Redefining a Conversation

2006-11-16T11:47:00.000-06:00

Have you ever had a conversation? Not a chat. But a deep and meaninful conversational that goes unspoken? I'm not talking about the conversations you would have with a friend or even a person you just met at a ralley of sorts. But a deep conversation between you and an object, whether it be a peice of art, or something you are buying.

I was walking out of the art building today and i ran into the Clay Club's pottery sale. I decided to walk around it and check it out. I had a grand total of five dollars in my wallet and two in my bank account. Some of the pieces were quite beautiful and intriging. Some were things that i wanted to buy right off the back, while others i just laughed at. There was a birthday cake with a dildo as a candle. As i looked around, i could see that artist's concentration at the time...lots and lots of penises. It was very comical. There were afew chalaces that i saw that i wanted deeply but did not own nine dollars or 20, i don't remember how much they really were. A mug would have been nice too, but a candle holder caught my eye. I picked it up and looked at it, then placed it down and continued looking. I went back, picked it up agian, and then placed it down. It was five dollars. The exact amount of money i had in my pocket. It looked like a mushroom...all earthly and textured. It was like the piece was made just to talk to me. We had a conversation right there. We talked about how it was made, how it was not perfectly symetrical, but appealing, how it was of the earth and about the earth and whether it would hold a candle or not. We talked about its price, and who the artist was. We talked...for 30 seconds. But it was the best and most fullfilling conversation that i have had in a very long while. It just spoke...honestly...the piece just spoke to me and i repsonded by picking it up and telling it that i would give it a home. I took it to the counter and purchased it. My Design instructor thanked me for supporting them, and I responded by saying, "i'll be here too one day...its only fair."

Its true. Its all true. It is the wierdest feeling when you have the best conversation in a long time with a piece of pottery. But i feel complete...at least for now. Art is the greatest form of communication.

-Reijn

PS: 5000th person, leave a comment and i'll make a special post about you!

"Money on Steriods" : Japan vs American Money

2006-11-15T09:23:00.000-06:00

Baseball's mad new world
By Jeff Passan, Yahoo! Sports
November 14, 2006

NAPLES, Fla. – To neatly summarize baseball's new era: The Boston Red Sox are willing to pay $51.1 million merely for the right to negotiate with Scott Boras.

Such talks have, in the past, made fools of rich men, turned dark hair gray and sent systolic and diastolic pressures to unhealthy levels. And yet here are the Red Sox, coveting Japanese pitcher Daisuke Matsuzaka enough that they might just be breaking a commandment, and steeling for discussions that, if successful, will end with them shelling out another $12.5 million or so a year to actually get the right-hander in uniform.

If Boston does work out a contract with Matsuzaka over the next 30 days – Boras will push for three years to get Matsuzaka back on the free-agent market before he turns 30, and the Red Sox will pull for four or five years to get the full value of the posting fee they pay the Seibu Lions – he becomes the new Alex Rodriguez, around a $25 million-a-year man.

Only he'll play in one-fifth the games.

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As sound a maneuver as signing Matsuzaka seems for the Red Sox – they import a No. 1 pitcher ready to enter the prime of his career and block the New York Yankees from signing him – this is dangerous for baseball. Though the infusion of cash into the game calls for an equitable amount to go to the players, here is what the public, already wary of exorbitant salaries, sees: The Red Sox paying more per year for a player who has never thrown a major-league pitch than Roger Clemens, Barry Bonds, Randy Johnson or Ken Griffey Jr. ever made in a season.

Now it's salaries on steroids.

With its posting bid, the Red Sox threw into flux a market already primed to go nuts. However much it changes things this winter – Alfonso Soriano will get his $100 million or more – the ramifications of the Matsuzaka deal will sock baseball in the face next winter, when there's a free-agent class worth spending over. Would it surprise anyone if Ichiro Suzuki, Andruw Jones, Vernon Wells, Bobby Abreu, Carlos Guillen and Carlos Zambrano signed contracts worth a combined $650 million?

"And this," one American League personnel man warned, "is just the start."

This was no clarion call. Baseball sees the spending more as a function of its triumphs, like the successful businessman who upgrades from a beater to a Beamer. For all of its popularity, the sport has become a hugely profitable entity only in the last 10 years. The continued labor peace, which has fostered this kind of spending, is evidence of that. Businessmen – in this case, owners and players – shouldn't mess with something this good.

The Matsuzaka negotiations might do that. Five teams in baseball spent $48 million or less on their entire payroll last season. In 2004, the best player in the U.S.' most popular sport, Peyton Manning, received the NFL's highest signing bonus, $34.5 million, about one-third less than what could be seen as MLB's equivalent of a signing bonus, the posting fee.

Less than a year after the Red Sox shunned Johnny Damon because his contract demands climbed too high, and a few months after they passed on Bobby Abreu because of supposed poverty, they are primed to send Seibu enough cash in one payment to cover its entire payroll this season, plus some.

Yes, the Red Sox did finish 26th with a 4.83 earned-run average last season, and Curt Schilling will be gone after this year, and Jonathan Papelbon's move to the rotation could falter, and Jon Lester is undergoing treatment for cancer, and aces on the free-agent market are as rare and precious as four-leaf clovers. Don't doubt Matsuzaka's credentials, either: He's got the fastball, changeup and slider of a No. 1 and the mettle to match. And maybe, one of these days, he'll have the gyroball, too.

Still, in terms of popularity, Matsuzaka is not yet Hideki Matsui, and he probably will never be Ichiro, who is a national hero. To assume the Red Sox will become the favorite team in the Far East by signing Matsuzaka is a reach at best.

Likewise, to think the number the Red Sox offered wasn't vetted to the last decimal by Boston's bean counters would be foolish. They can afford Matsuzaka at this price; they wouldn't cripple themselves for a splash. Boston, emboldened by its sport's success, went for the gusto.

Just like baseball, emboldened by its financial success, is doing the same. Only its move is far riskier with further-reaching implications. With every huge contract, it is saying: We believe in our product. We believe fans in large markets will not see the Yankees' and Red Sox's and Mets' spending and wonder when their teams turned into have-nots. We believe fans in smaller markets will continue coming to the game when their teams raise ticket prices to keep up with the big spenders. We believe Mark DeRosa, a lifetime utilityman who never had more than 309 at-bats in a season before this year, is worth $13 million over three years. We believe the sport is healthy enough to withstand whatever criticism may come.

They'd better believe. They created this world. And they have to live with it.

Skies filled with Sugar

2006-11-13T20:02:00.000-06:00

Houston was good. Tan picked me up from the airport and we went to the Hobbit Cafe for lunch. We chatted and caught up on stuff. I had forgotten how hot and humid h-town was. Everybody was in long sleaves and i was in a tank top and jeans burning up. I laughed. I really had moved away from this city. I wasn't even used to the climate, let alone the traffic and construction changes. I went home and spent most of the evening with my dear friend Tanya. We went to the Clement's football game. Last one of the official season. It was against Austin High. And it rained and we won. CHS is now co-district champs. Such a change from when i was in high school...when clements had the worst record in the district. Tanya and i went to Its-a-Grind, since she has become a coffee drinker. I introduced her to my favorite drink there, a Road Warrior. From there we went back to my house and had a quick and somewhat crapy photoshoot. It was fun though. Saturday, Mr. Medley came and i chatted with him. Then i ran and got my hair done. It is red...very red...with light orange-ish highlights. I love it, and so does everybody else who i have talked to. Mom and I went to Katy Mills mall and did alittle bit of shopping. I got a new pair of shoes...they are skater shoes. Derek laughed at me. I don't know how to skateboard but i do know how to get cool shoes. From there, we went home and i putsed around getting antsy for the Tech/OU game. My dear friend Sara let me watch the game at her house. She and i watched football, and bless her heart, she hates football. Daniel Bolten came over and watched the game, along with Johnny, Sara's boyfriend...thanks to me in high school! *laughs* Tech lost. It made me sad. After that, Daniel and I chatted for hours. I am trying to convince him to come and transfer to Tech. And i'm trying to get Tanya to come visit. *nods* I went home and zonked out, good thing because i had church in the morning. That morning was the first morning i had trouble getting up and out of bed that entire weekend. It was strange. Saturday i got up at 10:00 am just because i couldn't sleep any more. I had already woken up five times earlier that morning...one of them being the normal time i wake up for a school day. Scary. Went to church and actually sat with the congregation for once. It was the first time in over a year since i had done that. I was still dating Will at the time. I talked with several members of the band and various people. It was interesting to talk to all of them again. Those are true and genuine people. That afternoon i packed and left Houston with mixed feelings. I was sorry to leave but at the same time i was ready to go home and be with Derek. If only i could have derek and houston...that would be wonderful! *laughs*

The plane ascended into the sky like a whale breaking the ocean’s surface. Much like this whale, we broke the sea of clouds before us. These continuous clouds rippled, flowed, and ebbed just like its water counterpart. We were a ship of the sky, soaring over the world. Every once in a while, there would be a break in the ocean of the sky allowing us to see the cities below. It is almost like looking through a glass portal to the underworld. As one flies, you are reminded that there really is still empty space out there. Texas is not settled land. Povered farms and fields still exist. This is cowboy land…where fantasies of the great west are created. The west still exists, contrary to what many people believe. It is a west that co-exists with the modern and the traditional. I am constantly reminded this every time a travel home. I grew up in the modern Texas. Sugar Land has been rated as the third best city to live in, in America, by CNNMoneyMagazine.com. Wheen I moved to Lubbock, I realized that I was privaliged. I knew what a Paneara Bread was. But Lubbock still lives in the fairy tale of the polite, courteous cowboy. They don’t really exist anymore, but every once in a while you’ll run into a man adorned with a black cowboy hat and boots with tight Wrangler’s jeans and a West Texas accent who is polite and says, “yes, ma’am” when he knows you are no older than 21. They exist but they are a dying breed. I am constantly reminded and re-reminded this and it instills in me the yearning for this quality to be in my husband. It may be the fact that I’m a texas girl, but at the same time there are so many qualities that I want, I’m not sure that this man exists: musical talent, polite, kind, adventurous, and just plain unique. It all makes me think…and its a dangerous thing when I think.

-Reijn

SCREAMING!!!!

2006-11-09T12:18:00.000-06:00

Gah, i hate being a duel major. It makes me stressed out every time i look at all the hours i have to take. I can honestly see how it would be easier to graduate on time with just one major. I honestly do not know how i'm going to do it. I have so many art classes i have to take, and so many general education classes i have to take...and its all going to shoot me in the foot soon. I honestly do not know how i'm going to fit it all in. *screams* eh, i don't know what to do anymore. *nods* eh...at least i had a little of a venting period.

On a brigher side, i'll be traveling to Houston tomorrow for the weekend. A long needed weekend!

-Reijn

A Roll of Toilet Paper

2006-11-03T10:28:00.000-06:00

I know i know...classes have kept me busy. So an update of sorts.

Something happened to me the other day. It was interesting. I was walking to my car with a box of blankets for Derek because Derek and PJ don't turn on the heater in the house. Blankets are a good thing. Well, i barely had a grip on this box, while i was trying to hold a cup of coke and my book bag. I could have made it, it would have taken me a while, but i could have made it. I usually park by the Alumini Center because that is the only parking available early in the mornings. So, i was wobbling along and a nice man asked me if i needed help. I said that it would be wonderful and he grabbed the box and walked with me to my car. He was a tech alumni. I introduced myself to him and he did the same then said, "have a good day," and walked off. Right then i realized that i had been shown the true West Texas hospitality, Tech alliance, and polite males. I don't know if its the people i hang around with or i've just gotten used to it, but kindness is an expected thing but acts of kindness is not. People around here are nice, but when men are gentlemenly-like, its just something new. I'm not used to males carrying things for me or half the time opening doors for me. It sometimes happens.

I just got off the phone with a dear friend, Alex Dubois. He is at Baylor. I haven't talked to him in almost a year now. We went to high school together and he is just as sweet as ever. Every time i talk to him, i feel so uplifted and happy. He very much does have the love of God about him. I honestly don't think there is a bad or evil bone in his body. We talked about school, Baylor vs Tech game, semenary and a bunch of other stuff too. It was so nice to talk to him. He is truly one of those people who you can call and pick up right where you left off with your friendship. Amazing person.

Another thing i have noticed is the fact of toilet paper types changing depending on where you are on campus. If you are in the Student Union, there is nice toilet paper. Take one step in the connected music building the toilet paper is cheep. Go into the English Building where the professor's offices are there is nice toilet paper again with nice hand soap. If you go in the art building, you are doing good if the bathrooms are clean with toilet paper. I find it interesting how the school feels about different parts of the campus, colleges, and areas. I kinda feel jipped. I pay my fees, i want good toilet paper and hand soap that doesn't dryout my skin. It would be kinda nice.

Its cold. It is finally starting to turn winter here. Long sleeved shirts, gloves, scarfs, and other motifs are starting to arise out of dusty Rubbermaid bins. My fingers are freezing, and I don't like it.

My blog background is still under construction...i really dont like how it looks right now, i want to customize it more, but right now i either: don't have the time, learning CSS, or can't find or create the graphics that i want. eh. I think a nap is in order before class....so....

ttfn...until the next entry!

-Reijn

changing backgrounds

2006-10-30T18:57:00.000-06:00

i am currently revamping my blog...send me feedback if you see a change...its all in a working process. *nods*

Update: how does this look, i don't like it so much, any suggestions?

-Reijn

Tuck Fexas

2006-10-29T22:36:00.000-06:00

i hate refs....and Texas. bleh.

"Though Tech coach Mike Leach didn't mention specifics, he said there were "some things" that happened in the second that he was "not able to comment on," possibly referring to the officials' two spots.

"But I thought they were very detrimental to our effort," said Leach, who added it was his team's best game this season." --Sports Illustrated.com (Texas Sized Comeback)

The original article "TV-hopefuls get 'Real' in the Hub City"

2006-10-23T19:26:00.000-05:00

Whether it was the cold weather or the out-of-town football game that was to blame, Michael Sellers said the turnout for Saturday's MTV casting call for both "The Real World 19" and "Fresh Meat" was disappointing.

"I'm highly disappointed," said Sellers, who helped set up the day-long stretch of events. "This is the one chance Lubbock has to get on the map. It's the one chance for Lubbock to show its face."

The shooting location for the next "Real World" has yet to be determined, but with Lubbock being listed among the last of 20 cities involved in the casting call, casting agent Toby Ross said shooting decisions should be made fairly quickly.

For those who attended Saturday's casting call from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. at the Daiquiri Lounge and Beer Gardens, Ross said the final decision for callbacks was made Saturday night.

"We weren't really disappointed in the turnout," Ross said.

Ross, who works for Bunim Murray, said 105 people attended the casting call throughout the day.

Emily Kovalcik, a senior finance major from Katy, said she came out to the casting call because all her friends told her she would make the perfect candidate.

"I was in my car going to a party, and as soon as I turned on the car, there was a break between songs, and I heard about the casting call," she said. "I thought it was funny, and they gave a number, and I called it."

Kovalcik said she was given a VIP pass for the event.

"I told all my friends," she said. "They were like, 'Yeah, you should go do it; you're crazy enough to be on the show.'"

Kovalcik said if she was chosen, she didn't expect to get much out of the experience other than a great vacation and new friends.

Stella Alvarez said she attended the open casting call because she has been watching the show since she was 8 years old.

"I'm obsessed with it," she said. "I think I'd be a badass character. I'd be the drama starter."

Evan Starkman, a former cast member from "Fresh Meat" and "Duel," said the casting agents are looking for specific roles to fill.

"I was the nice guy who would cheat on his girlfriend and f*** people over," he said.

Conversely, Ross said she was not looking for specific stereotypes when she met with the 105 applicants throughout the day.

"We were really just looking for the best people," she said. "We had some good people come out."

Ross said people drove all the way from Oklahoma City and San Antonio for the casting call.

The day's meet-and-greet session was at University Fountains, where previous cast members mingled with college hopefuls.

Casey Cooper, another cast member from "Fresh Meat" and "Duel," said being on the pair of MTV shows has opened many doors for her.

While she still attends college, she travels promoting the show to various cities. She said she's traveled to Brazil and Australia for photo shoots, as well other cities in the United States.

"I think it's a great opportunity," she said. "I thought it was cool just to be on TV, but you get a lot of opportunities after the show, too."

Cooper said she and her partner made it to the end of the show, winning $10,000.

Starkman said the lack of attention from the Texas Tech student body does not hurt anyone but the students.

"They're missing out on an opportunity for a lifetime," he said. "The 'Real World' is like a virus that infects your whole life."

Starkman said he has to return to class at Cornell University on Monday, but he said he enjoyed his time in the Hub City.

"I loved it," he said. "The most beautiful women in the country are here."

Sellers said Saturday's call was the second time in the past five years that MTV has headed to Lubbock for "Real World" casting calls.

"You know we come here and try to do something big and (people) don't show," he said.

Nicole Galleoto, a senior psychology major from Houston, said she simply came to the meet-and-greet for the food.

"I don't think this is that big of a deal," she said.

The Real World

2006-10-23T11:30:00.000-05:00

Like every morning, I go to Starbucks and order a Carmel Mocciatto not too sweet then walk to class. I pick up a Daily Toreador and read the usually uninteresting articles in our conservative college newspaper. But today was alittle different. Something caught my eye. The title, "TV-hopefuls get 'Real' in the Hub City", actually made me read the entire article and not skim it. I had read on Friday's edition that the casting crew and last year's "stars" from "The Real World", "Fresh Meat", and "Duel" were showing up to conduct open castings for the new "Real World 19". (how can it be new if this is the 19th episode). It was interesting and I actually intertained the idea of showing up to one of the clubs and check it out. This is a big thing, since i do not like clubs nor do i like people. I entertained the idea and that was it. Saturday i slept. I enjoyed my day off from the Goin' Band. Sleeping was good.

When i picked up Monday's issue of the TD, i noticed a quote, "I am highly dissapointed. This is the one chance Lubbock has to get on the map. Its the one chance for Lubbock to show its face." "You know we come here and try to do something big and (people) don't show." (Sellers). In other words, not many people showed up. I applaud the Tech community for the first time. The entire article in the TD talked about how this was a once in a lifetime oppritunity, how it is life changing and that Lubbock blew it. All i have to say about it is, "good job Tech!" MTV is not my idea of life or oppritunity. Why is that? (that is what all you MTV watchers are asking right?) Because the "Real Life" is not real life. Real life is friends, family, arguements, dissagrements, love, sex, passion, hurt, pain...etc....and the list just continues. Real life is when you look into somebody's eyes and see that they are not telling you the truth, or that there is alot of pain behind that dark stare, or that smile is forced to the point the wearer doesn't remember what it feels like to really smile anymore. That is real life, not a TV drama sorostitue show. The fact that not many students (acutally just alittle over 100) showed up, shows that Texas Tech students have better things to do with thier time and energy then flounce the fact that they have big biceps, fake eyelashes, and no brain. For once, Tech showed that they are not a school about parties and hot girls but a school about earning a degree and watching Adult Swim. I can think of a hundred ways to spend my Saturday afternoons and mornings...it usually involves the Goin' Band. None of those ways involve a reality TV show.

Good Job Tech. I applaud your one show of brains...now if we could work on fashion, especially during this halloween holiday, i would be a happy artist.

-Reijn

sighs

2006-10-22T20:55:00.000-05:00

i cleaned...all day.
At least the place looks nice. I'm still working on getting derek to clean his room. We are working on it. I'll have him work on his room while i cook. Yep, sounds like a plan. I'm domestic today.

-Reijn

Stick with Picasso

2006-10-20T20:31:00.000-05:00

ah so...new update almost a week later. The following is not part of the main blog: so i have decided that i am not allowed happiness. I am not allowed to be fucking happy. So, today, i had gotten alot of sleep so i felt good. So good, that after class i took a shower and put on some makeup and actually smiled. Then, my mother called and yelled at me. I told her that i didn't want to yell or argue, but she continued to talk. I yelled and then she hung up on me. Today was also snake feeding day at Derek's house. So we went and bought some mice to feed to Buddy. Well, i fell in love with one and adopted it. I had to buy derek a new mouse. So this mouse and Tessarose are my children now. Derek laughs at me, he blames my maternal instincts. After that i let Tessie run around in the front yard for alittle while then i joined the band rehursal inside. I became the butt of the elitist guitar jokes. I'm getting tired of them. Yes i'm a flute player, sue me. Then Derek and I had a small fight over the fact that he believes that all of my guy friends are trying to get into my pants. Bleh, once i'm happy it is short lived. Done.

Now, the real post. I have come to the decision that i do not like Picasso. Yes, as an artist i said that. I believe he was just a good impersonist. He fell in love with the stone ceremonial statues in Africa and such. That is where most of his style comes from. He also studdied alittle in Paris where he picked up some of the impressionist style...again...good impersonator. The list continues. Now, don't get me wrong. I believe that he was a very talented artist who painted well...period. But, i also believe that he rarely got his own ideas. He copied. Now again, don't get me wrong, many artist do this...we do this to learn and develop our own style...its called influence. I don't believe Picasso was just influenced. I believe he was extreemly good at copying. He said himself, "as a child i painted like Raphael, but it took me a life time to paint like a child." Picasso had talent. And lots of it. Though, i don't believe he used it to the extent that it was intended to be. I think Picasso was like any other artist who was and is. He was excentric, crazy, and talented. That is it. He marketed himself well. I am not impressed by him, and i've seen originals in real life, in a private collection. I am not impressed...almost erked. Michelangelo...thats one thing to talk about, but not Picasso.

-Reijn

Texas Renaissance Festival 2006

2006-10-16T11:45:00.000-05:00

Well, all i can say is that i feel great! My batteries have been re-charged and i'm ready for it all! I went down to the Texas Renaissance Festival this past weekend and it was wonderful! I had so much fun. Tyler, Cat, Rachel, Corey, Derek, and I all trecked down to Austin then to Plantersville. Here is our story:

Leaving Lubbock about an hour into the trip, we get pulled over by a highway patrol officer. He pulled us over because we were speeding...well, for the daytime we weren't. But it was night and we were speeding. We had to leave late from Lubbock because I had a band preformance to attend. The officer let us go with a warning, not without makeing Corey roll down the back windows and the officer shined his flashlight in my face. I was asleep, but sat up for the officer. He said, "Where are you guys headed?"
Corey: "Austin"
Officer: "from?"
Corey: "Lubbock"
Officer to me: "how are you?"
Me: "tired"
Officer: "only an hour on the road?"
Me: "I was asleep." (While i was wincing from the light)
He let us go with a warning. We think he was trying to nail college students smoking and doing drugs...we weren't doing either. But, he let us off...which was nice.

We continued on, with few hitches. I slept, but evidentally we almost ran out of gas in the middle of nowhere. But we made it...so it was ok. We hit Austin at around 4 am. We all stayed at Corey's house. We then got up around 8:30 and started getting ready. It took Rachel and I quite awhile to get dressed b/c we had makeup and ears to adorn ourselves with. Cat and Tyler met up with us at Corey's house (they stayed at cat's relative's house). Tyler got a speeding ticket in Lakeway...our second run-in with cops on this trip. We finally left Corey's house at 10:20 and went to a sandwitch shop. It was pretty good. From there we trecked to the TFR. Well, on our way, Corey didn't take the correct exit to get off of HWY 71 and onto (i think) 284. So we were on 71 for quite awhile, and then i realized that this wasn't right. We ended up tacking on a good 30 min or so to our trip, but it was ok. We got to the TFR around 2 pm. We spent the entire day there. Tyler and Cat branched off on thier own, while the rest of us did our own thing. We went to go see some of the Dead Bob show and some of Cast in Bronze...my most favorite musical act there! I have every one of his CDs. If you want a song i'll send it to you, just tell me. Oh, i failed to mention that I went as an elf, Rachel went as a faerie, Corey went as a Squire, and Derek went as Derek. So, we all wandered around and went from shop to shop. I showed Rachel some of my favorite shops. We bought earcuffs (of course) and miscelanious things. *grins* Around 4 or so we started getting hungry so we bought two turkey legs and sat and watched the jousting. Around this time, we were starting to wrap up everything...going back to stores that we liked and deciding what we want to purchase. Derek's parents emptied his bank account b/c they didn't want him to be there, so we all pitched in and helped him over the course of the weekend. I returned to one leatherworking shop and bought afew things, and rachel and Corey tried to find the fox tial place. (oh in the course of all of this, we took lots and lots of pictures) We wanted to find the town beggar, but we couldn't. Which dissapointed us. The guy is so funny, but on his weekday job he is a lawyer for a successful firm. Interesting hu?! Headed to the tail place, we skirtted by the enterance, and who do i stumble upon?! Ravenswoodleather.com! They were there!!!! My favorite renaissance website EVER was at the TRF! OMG! I went crazy! Absolutely crazy. I ran over and was introduced to the man who makes all the clothes. I gave him a big hug. I was grinning from ear to ear, so excited that i couldn't contain myself. He seemed very pleased. He asked me if i wanted to try on anything, and i responded that i didn't have any money. Their clothes are expensive, but well made for the type of craftmanship they produce. He then said again, "would you like to try anything on?" I then nodded and he handed me off to one of thier employees. He said, "endulge this young lady in anything she wants." I was so happy. They first put me in a full length leather dress and skirt. One of the ladies went into the dressing room with me to help me. I felt like a true Lady. I'm glad that i am not ashamed to show myself in front of other people, because she did see me, but she had to inorder to help. I came out and looked at myself in the mirror and gasped. It looked amazing! They all hand picked the perfect dress for me....and it looked wonderful. Derek blushed. He liked it. We took pictures and gawked some more. I got lots and lots of complements. Then i tried on a bodice. That looked just as nice. I was helped by one of the family members on the website. It was funny. While i was getting dressed heads peaked in wondering what we were up to...male and female. I could so be part of this company...they looked like they were having so much fun! I came out and more gawking and more pictures. The guy who made everything, took pictures and said he would post them on their website. I can't wait to see them. Once i see them, i'll post them here. Oh we had so much fun. It made my night. They gave me a t-shirt and Derek bought a dagger. They didn't make him pay tax, which was very nice of them. It was funny: (i feel bad that i don't remember names)
Lady: "that will be 21.50
Derek: scrounging for the money that everybody gave him
Lady: looking up, "Oh for you guys it will just be 20" as she smiled.
Derek: handing her 20
Lady: "thank you, have a wonderful day, come back to see us"
Me: "of course! You all better come back next year"
Lady: "oh i think we will!"
I cannot convey in words how happy i was. It really made my night. It was honestly the best thing that happened the entire night...that and derek put a protective arm over me and said, "You are my elf, nobody can have you." It was sweet and romantic. Its amazing what happens at renaissance festivals. I have fallen in and out of love with people, descovered myself, and just plain played at the TRF. It is where life meets reality. It is by far one of the most amazing places to ever go to! I absolutely adore it. I was in my element, and it made me love life once again.

We left the TRF around 6 or so and headed back to Austin. This trip was smoother than the one going to the TRF. We slept in Austin again and headed out around 9:30 or so the next day. We stopped for breakfast burrettos first, then headed out. It was a drizzly cloudy morning. It was beautiful. You could smell the pine in the air. Something that you miss in lubbock. We drove all the way back, and right before we hit Sweetwater we got clocked by a cop. Well, we noticed and took a farm road for 20 min inorder to loose him. We did, did not get stopped, and continued on with our trip. It was our third cop experiance on this trip. The Farm road route was actually quite pretty. When i sat up from my nap, i noticed that there were some Texas Historical Markers plaques up. Right in the middle of nowhere. It made me curious, and i wanted to stop and read them, but we couldn't. We were trying to get to Lubbock somewhat early so Derek could get work done for the upcomming week.

When we finally hit lubbock it was around 4 or so. Again, cloudy and drizzly, but still nice. It was an amazing trip...and i fell in love with my friends even more. They are amazing people!

Thank you for reading this long post! Enjoy your day!

-Happy Reijn!

A good Cry

2006-10-11T09:17:00.001-05:00

I noticed a funny thing today while i was sitting outside drinking my daily cup of Carmel Mocciatto...the top cover of a Starbucks "take-out" cup has the words "sweetheart" emelished upon the plastic...right at eye level when you drink. Oh how i just wanted to smash my cup right then and there. I have quickly learned to lothe the existance of anything and everything. You know how i was pretty depressed awhile back? Well, this time its more than just depression. This time it is bitterness, hurt, anger, depression, and stress. I took a beer last night while i stayed up almost all night working on a midterm paper. I lost it...just completely loose it. It was a good cry though. Sometimes you just need one of those. A good long cry. It felt good....it just felt good. I am learning how to live all over again. In a way i hate it but at the same time i feel liberated. It is amazing what the feeling of liberation does to a person...fear, hurt, pain, confusion, happiness...its all there in a mixed jumble. I'm just trying to sort it all out. (oh god, i just looked at my hair, my split ends are horrible...i need to get a trim).

Well, i finished (sorta) my poems for my creative writing class...i'll be posting some of them here for my wonderful readers to enjoy. But in the meantime...i discovered the soundtrack to Wicked...the broadway show...and there is a song that hit me hard. Its quite appropriate:

I'm Not That Girl from Wicked
(sang by Elphalba)

Hands touch, eyes meet
Sudden silence, sudden heat
Hearts leap in a giddy whirl
He could be that boy
But I'm not that girl.

Don't dream too far
Don't lose sight of who you are
Don't remember that rush of joy
He could be that boy
I'm not that girl

Ev'ry so often we long to steal
To the land of what-might-have-been
But that doesn't soften the ache we feel
When reality sets back in

Blithe smile, lithe limb
She who's winsome, she wins him
Gold hair with gentle curl
That's the girl he chose
And heaven knows
I'm not that girl...

Don't wish, don't start
Wishing only wounds the heart
I wasn't born for the rose and pearl
There's a girl I know
He loves her so
I'm not that girl...

have a good day for me!

-Reijn

"Original Sin"

2006-10-10T12:21:00.000-05:00

Music by Elton John
Lyrics by Bernie Taupin
Available on the album Songs From The West Coast

Oh, it's carnival night
And they're stringing the lights around you
Hanging paper angels
Painting little devils on the roof

Oh the furnace wind
Is a flickering of wings about your face
In a cloud of incense
Yea, it smells like Heaven in this place

I can't eat, can't sleep
Still I hunger for you when you look at me
That face, those eyes
All the sinful pleasures deep inside

Tell me how, you know now, the ways and means of getting in
Underneath my skin,
Oh you were always my original sin
And tell me why, I shudder inside, every time we begin
This dangerous game
Oh you were always my original sin

A dream will fly
The moment that you open up your eyes
A dream is just a riddle
Ghosts from every corner of your life

Up in the balcony
All the Romeo's are bleeding for your hand
Blowing theater kisses
Reciting lines they don't understand

"Its a Bit Nippy Out Here..."

2006-10-09T09:15:00.000-05:00

Its fuckin' cold and wet. My poor torn shoes are wet/soaked and i have wet socks...and cold feet. My jeans are soaked to the knees and my hoodie is not keeping me warm at all. Freakin' A. I'm cold and miserable...i must look like a dunked cat. Life is going better...just busy with lots and lots of work. *nods* I have class in a bit...so i'm going to let you all go! *huggles*

-Reijn

Sacrifice of Shoes

2006-10-06T10:20:00.000-05:00

i would first like to thank those really kind reponces by my readers in the last entry. Smiling is a rare thing now-a-days, and i felt a smile...not physically but emotionally. Thank you.

I learned something today in my Art History Survey II class...Lavinia Fontana's husband gave up his painting career so that he could take care of the house and she could have a painting career for herself. This was in the 1500s in Italy. A rare occurance. He, a male, gave up his life for his wife. A sacrifice. What is sacrifice? There are several types: sacrifice of love (Christ), physical sacrifice (animals/people, virginity, objects)...and the list continues. We all give up something for someone else and even for ourselves. I have given up emotional capabilities inorder to keep me moving throughout the day. I have also given up the prospect of going to parties and whatnot inorder to spend time with other people. Its sacrifice, but it is also a choice. It is all a choice. We choose to do what we do. We choose to make the sacrifices that we make. But are they worth it? Sometimes, yes. All the time?! Definately no.

I wonder how many times i will have to hurt inorder to feel happiness. After 8 or so months of being together Derek and I realized that we really don't know eachother. We have completely missed that stage of our relationship. We have skipped friendship all together. How was that neglected? I don't understand...but it was. And now we are unsure of where we stand with eachother. We are at a crossroads: to end it and move on, or to change and make things better. But my shoes are totally worn out.

-Reijn

Gredation of Life

2006-10-05T11:50:00.000-05:00

i did something today, not out of the ordinary, but something that goes unnoticed. Especially if you are a girl. I let my hair down. If you know me, i usually keep my hair up in a bun. The Lubbock wind and the warm weather with long hair just doesn't work really. But today is cool, sunny and just plain beautiful. It really is Lubbock at its finest, if there can be a finest. Either way, i was walking from the art building to the SUB and i was enjoying the walk so much that i just let my hair down. It was a beautiful and wonderful thing.

Gah, i have totally given up on this blog...damn arguements...life just plain sucks. Why do i always have to end up in an arguement at some point in my day?! BECAUSE MY LIFE FUCKIN' SUCKS like that. I demand only afew things in life: musical, artistic, and social respect. THAT IS IT...and does anybody truly give that to me? Hell no! Fuck it.

-Reijn

The Remains of......

2006-10-04T11:30:00.000-05:00

"Because I let your hands undo me
like an origami crane,
fold by fold, fingers easing out creases,

because I let the ink
of your brushstrokes seep the whiteness
of my paper-thin skin

and mark me, i could call this love,
or maybe delusion."

-exerpt from Peony Lover by Lee Ann Roripaugh

My english teacher gave me afew handout poems from this poet. Lee Ann is Japanese-American, and these were supposed to be poems that i would enjoy. I did. They are absolutely beautiful. Its like reading an american haiku. I have enjoyed them greatly, and plan to email the poet about her poems. She is currently teaching at the University of South Dakota. There are afew other poets i want to email as well. There is one who teaches at U of H in houston that i would love to get into contat with. It would be nice.

So i really do not know what to talk about this time around. I've been very busy catching up in classes due to being SO behind...stupid A&M trip. It wasn't bad, it just took up alot of precious time i needed for homework and other various things. This week is homecomming and again, time is precious. I'm marching in the parade. Oh i'm also loosing my car! Which really sucks. I'm going to be stuck on campus again...does anybody realize how depressing this makes me feel?! I hate being dependant on people. I just hate it.

I guess i've been thinking alot about relationships and how they are "supposed to be". I don't think there really is a cannon when it comes to relationships but there are certian factors that a person comes to want or enjoy. Reflecting back upon my own relationships, i have not had one that has gone completely well. Way too many times are my relationships mottled with cheeting, jealousy, hurt, pain, and arguing. It takes a toll on a person. I really have come to the conclusion that i hate dating. Dating is pointless and unnecessary. Yeah yeah you have to find that "special person" and get to know them by dating them but what i have found if you fall in love you fall in love, whether you are dating or not. You can also be seeing eachother but not "dating" per say. Dating is a pointless wast of time, energy and heartache. I would like to know how much hurt and scars a person is capable of. Now, this is not a Reijn pitty-party, but this is a Reijn showing some form of emotional scarrage. I don't pretend to not have been damaged by Joey, or bitter towards Will, or hurt by Austin, or effected by Derek, but i do pretend to be ok...every single day. I am ok. I continue to tell myself this, but in reality i am not. The pain and baggage i carry is vast and its baggage that most people do not want to hear. I was talking to my friend Peter the other day, and i was spacing out quite a bit. He asked me what was up and i just answered, "ah, just thinking about a poem i'm writing...alot of things are going through my head right now." He, then, asked me what is it all about. I couldn't answer him. I don't want to scare him. I just told him that i will tell him in time, and that there are quite a bit of things about me that he does not know about nor does he really want to know about. It puzzled him and threw him into a wondering frenzy. I can't help that. But i can help what i tell people. How many people can i just go up to and say one or two words and they would understand...or wear something and they would get the connotation. It took me several months to literally hang up my collar on the wall and NOT touch it. That took alot, but at the same time, the sound of chains and the scent of leather haunts me. I yearn for it and repel it at the same time. Its just one of the types of baggage i have. My english teacher told me that i should open up and write about this stuff more often, but it hurts...its all still so fresh to me that it opens up wounds that i thought were healed...obviously not.

As i write this there is a guy sitting across from me in the SUB who's shirt says:
"Sex, violence and horses...sometimes on the same page"

How ironicly perfect...

-Reijn

Michael AKA: Tiger

2006-10-02T21:22:00.000-05:00

the strangest thing happened to me. I met a tiger. He still has the orange and black stripes, the golden eyes, and that fearce stare...but he roars "GO DAMN WAR EAGLE". (which was on adult swim about a week ago, oddly enough) I don't think tigers are supposed to do that. But this one does. I went along, and became friends with this tiger. Who would have guessed a Madador and a Tiger, friends? But we are.

I met Michael through a text-based RPG website called Gaia. (www.gaiaonline.com) I was out of a "regular" thread in which i could grace my wierd ideas in. Well, since i was in college, i decided to see if there was a college football forum. Low-and-Behold...there was. College football. I think my first post was something along the lines of, "i'm a texas tech goin' band member, and eventhough i don't know much about football, i can hold my own. I go to all the Tech games." Well, i wasn't widely accepted at first. I had to earn my position in this thread. I had several marks against me: i was a girl, i was in band, and i was one of the only Big 12 members on there. Users like Fox/Patrick, thought i was a flake...but he soon realized that i was a better friend than a cerial brand.

I don't remember how Tiger and I realy started talking. Probally on AIM. We chatted about religion, classes, life, love, and the american persuit of a degree. As a Junior at Auburn University, Michael hosts a college sports radio show on the AU campus. I'm not good at contributing to this talk show, but i try...when i do call in. Its kinda cool actually...a Texas Tech girl all the way in Alabama...being heared by who-knows-who on the AU campus. I'm really a nobody...but its who you know really in life.

Michael is an engineer in training. I'm an english and art person in training...yet we get along. Its funny when i talk to him about art, he just does not get it. Concepts and ideas...he tries...and i love him for it, but he just can't comprehend it. But that's ok. We all have our own fortes. His knowledge about football, sports, religion, and other life things, is quite vast. He has a good head on his shoulders thats for sure.

Dark hair, great big crazy smile...its Michael...its Tiger. And a wonderful friend. He sends me text messages and small phone calls whenever he's concerned about me. That is always a sign of an awsome friend!

Michael is wonderful, hands down.

-Reijn

Wisdom

2006-09-27T11:36:00.000-05:00

(quick post...have to leave soon for class)

Wisdom. That is what i propose to you. What is it?! Its much more than knowledge, but it is not less. Something that i have noticed that when i comment in my friend Seth's blog, most of my reponces tend to be juvenille in comparison to alot of the other people there. I know most of this is due to the point i am one of the younger, if not the youngest, poster there. I have not lived or experianced as much as everybody else, but does that make my comments any less important? It was something that i ran into when i was dating Joey. I was looked down upon several times because i was young and "inexperianced". Wisdom, comes with experiance and age alike...but also respect. I remember when i was at a youth retreat in Alabama, and one of my adult leaders was trying to corner me with theology. The point he presented was if we are all called to be deciples of Christ and to preach to the masses...to convert (sow the harvest), why don't we do it? I answered, because we are not all called to be preachers. He then spewed out a Bible verse at me. I responded to him stating that, some of us are called to plant the seeds, others to nurture, and then others yet to harvest. He paused and looked at me, nodded and then walked off. Later that day, i told my youth paster at the time about that and he said, "thats interesting...there are not many times when a child can make an adult leader think." WHY?! Why is that? I was only 16 or so at the time, but how much of an effect did i have on that adult leader? Probally not much, but i pointed out a "flaw" in his thinking. Why is that so unusual? Did i have wisdom at that one moment, ordained by God? How can one learn and grow in wisdom if there is not a form of respect on either end of participants...the student and the teacher. So my question to you, is what is wisdom and where can it truly be found?

-Reijn

PS: the picture is "Allegory of Wisdom and Strength" by Paolo Veronese c. 1580

Love and Life of a College Student

2006-09-26T11:57:00.000-05:00

hmmm...i don't feel so crappy today. I really don't know. Maybe its because of the long line of ass kickings i got from people i know, people i haven't talked to in several months, and even from people i don't know. Interestingly how things fall in place.

So i don't know who that 4000th person is? Maybe it was a computer randomly checking my blog, and because i have a random word protection on my comments, they couldn't make a comment...SO! the 4100th person, gets the blog entry. *nods*

So late late last night, like around 8 pm or so, a bunch of my friends and I went to a halloween store in town. It was interestinly big. I bought a pair of red and black arm warmers. I think i'm going to wear them tomorrow, along with a really awsome shirt i got at walmart for like 6 bucks. Its amazing the actually cool stuff you can find at walmart. I have found that alot of people think, "oh, walmart clothes...i'm too good for that" so they don't buy anything. SO nobody i have run into has my shirt! And it is a cool shirt. I've gotten alot of good complements on it. Anywhos. I'm sitting in the SUB (Student Union Building) and it has just occured to me, that it is such a beautiful day out today! And what do i get to do?! Spend the majority of it working on projects inside. YEAH!? *sighs* ...so is the life of a college student. I'm already covered in saw-dust, because my 8 am today was in the woodshop. I think i've caught the attention of alot of the people who normally work in the woodshop...with my red hair...and that i'm a girl in there. I assume they don't get many girls in there, and then they don't get many girls who can hold thier own in the shop. Its cool.

Today is filled with papers and projects. So i really don't know what to say. Lots and lots of work. *nods* I better let you all go, for i want to screw around on the computer just a bit more before i leave for class, then buckle down to work.

-Reijn

Luscher Color Quiz

2006-09-25T17:52:00.000-05:00

Reijn took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test!

"Intense, vital, and animated, taking a delight in ..."

Click here to read the rest of the results.

The Washing Machine Looks Good to Me

2006-09-25T11:26:00.000-05:00

I reallly don't know how to describe how i feel right now. Overwhelmed? Stressed? Sick? Dead? Dying? I really don't know, but what i do know is that this is really starting to hurt me. I got my ass kicked last night. And i'm still nursing the bruses i recieved on my bum. All in a metaphorical sense. The steps that i have to take inorder to make myself into a better person...and to actually find myself...are hard steps and big ones. I'm not quite sure if i am ready. My body is telling me otherwise, but at the same time...i don't know if i want to take those steps. Its something i need to do. I really am not quite sure...those bruses really hurt, but so does my aching side, my emotions, my thought process, and the weird feeling i feel inside when i sit down. I am in physical, emotional, and mental pain right now. And I don't know what to do with it.

On a more happy note: Tech won against SE Louisiana 62-0. Very beautiful. Next week is Texas A&M. We'll see how well that goes. The Goin' Band is traveling there. I'm not looking forward to that. I don't have time to be going on these band trips...i just don't have the time for it right now! Way too much work. Sleep?! What is that?! God, i feel like shit. I really feel bad...and honestly, its a "bad" that i've never felt before.

So right now i'm sitting in the SUB, and i am surrounded by guys. Some come and sat down near me, one was already here...but its surprising how close in proximity we are and NOBODY TALKS TO EACHOTHER. Now, i know this is an area to study, but an occasional "hi" would be nice. (as i was writing that last sentence another guy came and sat down, filling up the cubby inwhich i am sitting in with males and me...the one piece of estrogen here...though one is getting ready to leave...do i smell of estrogen or something?!) Maybe i do need to meet new people?! I don't know...something needs to change thats for sure. But honestly, i don't want to be around people...i just want to watch TV and write or draw. BLEH...that is all this entry really is...bleh.

everything is bleh right now....but i thought my readers deserved an update. I respect all of you way too much.

One last thing...that 4000th person is comming up quickly...who will it be? As a reminder...that person will get a special post for them. And if i accedentally check my blog and its me...I will post something, and the first person to post a responce in my comments page will get the special post.

*huggles*
-Reijn

PS: the picture is of me and tyler from the SEL game

Great Assests

2006-09-22T10:57:00.000-05:00

I found a hero. Michelangelo. Yes, the painter. He was an ass...but i think that's what makes him great...his ass-like qualities. He knew he was a great artist. He broke his nose in a fight when he was in school. What happened was that they were all studying Masaccio's paintings and Michelangelo pronounced that his paintings were better. That merited him a broken nose. Another thing is that he did was not friends with Leonardo, nor was he that much of a fan of Raphael, Leonardo's apprentice. Eitherwhos, he was doing a commissioned piece for the Manici family's tomb. He did a portiat of one of the family members, but it didn't look like him. Michelangelo got alot of trouble out of that, and he replied, "in 100 years nobody is going to remember this guy, but they are going to remember that I am the artist." I LOVE that! Also, he consumned his life with art. He even talked back to the pope because of his excentricness. BEAUTIFUL! I love it. A new hero.

well, to appease amanda...i thought that i would state, i write down what comes to me...literally. This usually is my thought process...random and ammusing.

So i realized something last week...that relationships suck. I don't know why i keep up with them. I'm not going to go into detail, but I learned how much that a person cares for me but at the same time doesn't. It was touching. And it was pointed out to me that I needed something better--something normal. But i don't know what normal is anymore. I wish i did know.

I think i'm going to spend the majority of the day in the woodshop working on my art project. Oh, i've been sneezing for three days straight...but i'm finally sleeping well, and eating somewhat normal meals at somewhat normal intervals. So, i'll take the trade-off.

-Reijn

My Toilet SOAP

2006-09-20T11:30:00.000-05:00

So....i guess i need to get some boring stuff out of the way before i start this blog entry. So, if you are going to comment and you don't have a Blogger, please sign your name or psudo-name at the bottom so i know who you are. I would really like to know who is leaving me these wonderful comments. Second thing is, i eat...at least i force myself to eat and then supposedly i'm supposed to feel good...but usually i just feel bad. I'm eating a maccaroni salad right now, its not too bad. Also, i get about 6 hours of sleep everyday, not including the allusive nap that I may or maynot sneek in. Its not that i'm not sleeping, its that i'm not sleeping well. And if I am depressed...my question is why? Because i sure don't know.

Anywhos, moving on. Shit...this cassarol isn't settling well. This sucks. Oh well, either whos. I think i'm supposed to be realizing something important but i can't think of it right now. I don't know what it is though. Kinda sucks. Oh i remember...my blog entry.

So i walk alot around campus. Especially in the mornings. I have all 8 am classes. So my schedule consists of me driving to campus, walking to Starbucks on campus, ordering my Carmel Mocciatto Grande Not-Too-Sweet, then walking to either the Arch. building or the Art building for my first class of the day. Well, the way the Tech campus is set up, i have to walk a straight line on the edge of campus to the other side of where i parked and got coffee. WIth a brisk walk it usually takes me about 7 min. to get to class on time. I digress...so...i do alot of thinking early in the morning. Mostly because i don't want to think about anything else, and there is usually barely anyone on campus that early. Its oddly enjoyable. So, I was walking to class and i passed by 6-8 guys in a row. That is alot of guys in such a small amount of time. Then i remembered that Tech has a 2-1 ratio of men vs. women. Interesting, yet I really can't get a non-shy guy to talk to me. Usually the best ones are the ones that don't talk to you, and that sucks. Now, i'm not talking romatically, but developing an awsome friendship. But it seems to me that lives have become materialistic. Most girls want the guy who is tall dark and handsom, or is tall lean and blonde. Most guys want the calm reserved slim body brunette, or the slim swimsuit model blonde. What is up with this shit! I mean honestly. How many people do you honestly know and are friends with that look like that and have an awsome personality?! I sure don't. Maybe one or two but that's about it. Mostly because THEY DON'T EXIST!!! What a concept. At Tech, most guys are running after that sorority chick who wears all the right and stupid things, or that punk rock girl who doesn't give a damn about what she says and smoked a joint before class. I have noticed that there are two major "groups" of people here at Tech: Faturnity/Sorority Sluts, and Emo/Punk Rock Sex Fiends. Normal people do not exist here. Either people are too ignorant, or choose to be too ignorant. Its sad and pathetic. I really don't understand...maybe i should, or maybe i need to stop being so appathetic towards people. Honestly, i couldn't give a damn...but i do. People are so fake, and the guys and the girls alike here suck. No one i have met here hasn't tried to put on an image. The only image that i put on is a "good girl" and "GO RED RAIDERS" thing....only because i have to. Bleh. People need to not care about image and totally push to be excentric and unique. Life would be so much more interesting if people did that. (which leads me to the point that I don't date plain, or borring people for that exast reason...life would suck).

On a more happy note...i think i have walked into every female bathroom in the English Building...or just about. I don't know why i should be proud of that idea, but the fact is that its the english building and that i live there, and that every freakin' bathroom looks the same...and I've been in every single one! *shrugs* I know, but who cares...I thought it was interesting at least. Oh, and i like the last stall in each bathroom....something about more room and more privacy makes me feel more secure. There is too much of a "peeping" gap in the doors in the other stalls. You know what i mean, the little space between the doors and the walls...where some person walking by can get a good glimps of you with your pants down trying to take care of buisness...all just because they wanted to know if the stall was occupied or not. I usually put my book bag on the peg on the door inorder to block that "peeping" gap, just enough so people can't see whether i squat or sit.

-Reijn

PS: I just downloaded Elton John's new CD! GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dull Dull and more Dull

2006-09-19T11:36:00.000-05:00

something that ammazes me, is that Facebook is freakin' slow when posting my blog entries. I really don't know why, mostly because i think they are bums. I think the world is a bum, but what can I say?

I feel sick. The smell of food makes me sick. I force myself to eat because i know i need to eat, but most of the time all i want to do is sleep. I am always tired. Honestly, all i want to do is drink a thing of juice and sleep...maybe read or watch some TV. I don't think this is very healthy. And honestly, i don't know what is wrong. Tyler kicked my ass last night and told me some reasons to why he believes that i feel this way. He's probally right...and if he his, i'm...well, bleh. That is the best way i can describe it. Bleh...bleh...bleh....*shrugs*

So, i have to write a nother poem today. This time it has to be a narrative poem. I realized something the other day while i was working on my research poem. I write narratively with a touch of lyric. That is my natural state of writing. So pretty much, i just need to write a poetic story! YEAH! Shoot me now. Ok, i guess Tyler and Joey are right...i'm depressed and I honestly do not know why. I feel sick. I feel very tired and I do not want to go to band rehursal. *thunk*

So i want to talk about something of significance, but i really don't feel like it. I guess. this all goes back to the idea that life is monotomous and repetitive. Its really starting to get to me. Not many things make me smile anymore. I tend to pretend to smile or force one out, being the crazy happy Reijn that everybody knows and loves. I guess the only people who truly understand that i'm not that way right now is Tyler and Joey. Sad. I know. I know.

-Reijn